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Post Info TOPIC: Step Study - Step 2


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Step Study - Step 2
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(Using the Codependents' Guide to the 12 Steps by Melody Beattie)

Came to Believe that a power great than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

In this chapter the author starts by telling how much she loves about Step 2.  She talks about how crazy her life was, how crazy she was.  Then she discusses how she surrender to the first step and then received the hope contained in the second step.  "I go back to the First Step to get my bearings and remember who I am.  Then I go on to the Second Step to become all I'm capable of becoming."

Restored to Sanity

Several stories are told showing different people and their versions of insanity and the effects Codependency had on them.  It starts with a woman who enters recovery through OA then spins off to drugs, alcohol, and sex addiction.  It tells of toxic relationship and her part in it.  Then it goes on to share her changes in recovery.  She learned that at the base of everything was Codependency - it was there before everything else was.  She is becoming happier and her relationships are getting better.  "I know I am enough."

More stories are told of children of alcoholics and a pastor who has anger issues and needs to set boundaries with his congregation.  Each has had success in improving their problems with the 12 steps focusing on their codependent behaviors.  The author is trying to illustrate that we all may suffer in different ways - but the 12 steps as a guide can offer hope.

Came to Believe

It doesn't just start out this way, the believing.  You work up to it.  You come to believe.  This is done by going to meetings, seeing others who have similar experiences and seeing how the process of recovery has helped them.  Seeing is believing. 

"Perhaps the greatest offering of this Step is that no matter what we want and need done in our lives, we do not have to do it by ourselves.  We don't have to use our will to change ourselves.  For once, we don't have to try so hard. We can turn it over to a Power greater than ourselves"

A Power Greater than Ourselves

We don't have to have all the answers about a Power greater than ourselves.  You don't have to have any answers at all.  This step is simply about believing that the insanity can be removed - even if just for a moment.  It is referred to as a "Power greater than ourselves" so that anyone of any religion or denomination can use the 12 steps.  It is a spiritual process, not a religious one.  "Great care must be taken to allow individuals the freedom to explore and determine their own spiritual beliefs."

Working the steps has a natural progression and as you change and grow, you help others, and then they help others.  "This is the most exciting part of recovery for me.  It's also a part I need to remember.  I don't have to force or control my recovery.  I can do my best to work the Steps and peacefully allow change to happen."

The Hope Step

When starting recovery for her codependency, the 2nd step felt like hope and light to Melody.  "I had lived with and around crazy people so long I had become one of them."  She goes onto explain how this step took no effort, it is the people that carry the message of step 2.  Watching people with similar experiences who are happy, joyous and free.  It is possible.  Then she discusses all the ways that she returns to this step and how it helps her.

"By believing we create the sapce for that to happen.  We stop empowering the problem and begin to empower the solution, one that will be given to us."  This step can be easy.  It is important that we don't confuse the pain and grief we may carry into recovery as insanity or unmanageability.  The grief and pain are real and need to be worked through not something else to judge ourselves about. 

The purposed of this program is to take better care of ourselves in any situation.

Activities

1.  What are the activities that bring you hope and help you believe things are OK and will be OK? Going to meetings? Talking with recovering people? Reading recovery literature? Name those who have helped you to believe the most in your future.

2.  How have your ideas changed about what it means to be restored to sanity?  Have your expectations about recovery changed?  What do you expect from recovery now that is different from what you expected when you first began recovering?

3.  For now, how do you define a Power greater than yourself?  Do you believe that Power cares about you?

4.  What is a reasonable plan of self-care for you to help you continue to believe that recovery can, and will, work for you? Look again at your ideas in question 1 above.

5.  What has been done for others in recovery that you would like to happen for yourself?  Do you believe it is possible?

6.  Make a list of areas in your life where you would like to be restored. Your goals will be more effective if they center around restoring your own life rather than someone else’s.



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In all the work I have done around Step 2, all the reading and posting, it has never hit me like it has this time.  The light came on.  I always saw Steps 1 - 3 and pretty much a single brush stroke - the entry into the program - the surrender and becoming willing to work this program of recovery for ME. 

Last week there was a post on the MIP AA board that just made me cry.

Read it here

To enter recovery, start the work, believe, gain some sobriety - then fall down.  The guilt, the shame . . . Then to be able to walk back into the rooms where there is love, hope, understanding, acceptance and a hand up.  Anywhere, anytime, any room.  It truly is a beautiful thing.  Unlike anything I have ever seen, in fact.  Then I pick up the book and start the work on Step 2 and reading it . . . the light goes on.  The singularity of this step and how it stands alone became clear.  We understand crazy.  Just believe, have faith, we are here to help you.  There is hope.

Thank you for letting me share.

Linistea



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Thank you for your breakdown of the steps. I look forward to walking through them with you. I'm basically new to Al-Anon, I bought the ODAT and went to a couple of meetings about 10 years ago as my 1st marriage (to an alcoholic) was ending. I guess I just decided that since he was gone, I didn't need y'all or any 12 step program. My book sat brand new and collected dust. The years weren't kind, and have shown me I was wrong, I can not save these men. I am rebuilding my life yet again after losing my 3rd husband to alcohol (he didn't kill himself, just our relationship), and I just have nothing left to give anyone at all. It's all I can do just to get out of bed and hold down my job right now. I know I need to get a sponsor and work the steps, but for now I have found a weekly meeting (in person) and I think I've been to 6 meetings now. Step 1 right now is easy for me. My family is worried about me (if I owned a gun I'm pretty sure they would confiscate it) it's all I can do to try to force a smile at times so hopefully they will quit looking at me like they are scared of me. Anyway, step 2 is where I'm struggling. I know now that I can't fix them, more I can't even fix myself, but that's part of why it is so hard to believe that anything/one can. I am very grateful for people's stories, I see in the faces of some in my weekly meeting recognition of my pain, and the serenity that is possible. You give me hope. Thank you.

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Hi,
As I walk this path of recovery, it is important for me to remember that I am not a "Bad Boy".
Those "Old Tapes" in my mind and emotions wold want me to believe otherwise.
A bit crazy --- Yes ------- Distorted perceptions about things, other people, and myself ----Yes -----
Hopeless --------- No ------------ I have come to believe a Power Greater than myself can restore me to sanity.
What have I got to lose????
Wayne

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Sanity ... it is nice to now have the ability to look at myself on some days and say "You are not in a good place or thinking rationally."  Just to be able to know what I didn't know before and look within instead of without and know the answer lies there.  The automatic answer is no longer "I am feeling bad and it is always someone else's fault".  To have tools to address this specific issue and a recovery program and fellowship to take it to is a blessing. 

To have this step when my ego goes awry and know that there is a HP and it is NOT me.  Humility never tastes as sweet as when you need it the most.  Then to be able to accept those moments of humility without self deprecating and realizing that I am no better or worse than anyone else, but just need clarity and acceptance.

Then to be offered hope.  Hope gives me the power to move forward and not give up.  It lets me know that things may not be as I want them now, but they will not stay like this forever.  With continued work I can grow and never stop.  There are no times limits, quotas, benchmarks, and I can fail as many times as necessary.  I just need to keep trying.  Sharing that hope and light with others fills me like nothing else.  It is there for us, all of us, and all we need to do is be willing and do the work.



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Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.   ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ~St. Francis of Assisi



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Bump



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Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.   ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ~St. Francis of Assisi



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Thank you for this...I am currently working on this step in al-anon, though it is basically the same here. I need that reminder that I need to work on myself, and not focus on the disease, the negativity, someone else. I need to focus on my HP to make me well...it's a process. I'm glad you're here. Thank you!


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You don't have to be a newcomer, to be a sick ad suffering CODA.


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Sheila,

Welcome!  You are correct, you do not have to be a newcomer to be suffering.  I try to be aware and accepting of my backslides in my program and just simply try to continue to grow ... progress not perfection.  But yes, even after years of work on myself I occassionally suffer.

Gabigail,

Welcome to you as well!  So glad you both found us.  Please feel free to post any feelings, thoughts or experiences you have with us while working the Step.

 

Willing



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Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.   ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ~St. Francis of Assisi



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Bump for Wondergirl.



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Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.   ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

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Thank you

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This is beautiful.  Came to believe for me meant "show me" . I should have been born in Missouri because words don't mean much but action or demonstration does.  Seeing others progress and get better kept me in recovery

Thanks for this fantastic breakdown



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Katie J. 

Love begins within me and then radiates out to the universe



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willing wrote:
 I try to be aware and accepting of my backslides in my program and just simply try to continue to grow ... progress not perfection.  But yes, even after years of work on myself I occassionally suffer.

 It was hard for me to slide and forgive myself.  Now I breathe, accept that I am a work in progress.  express willingness to forgive me if I can't right now and begin again.  Just my 2 cents worth.  The first 3 steps were always the hardest for me because of my abandonment issues that go all the way to Higher Power



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1.  What are the activities that bring you hope and help you believe things are OK and will be OK? Going to meetings? Talking with recovering people? Reading recovery literature? Name those who have helped you to believe the most in your future

Activities that bring me hope and help me believe that things are ok and will be ok-----aca meeting. going to meetings. hanging with wife, talking. sharing w/ recovery folks, exercise, journaling is a big one for my crazy emotions. step work. writing here, etc. 



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3.  For now, how do you define a Power greater than yourself?  Do you believe that Power cares about you?

Sometimes I am comfortable using the term god, other times HP is best for me. For the longest time now, I have felt that HP does not work physically in life, only on a mental/spiritual realm. A friend of mine advised that I open myself to the idea of HP working physically in life to create change. I have trouble equating that physical work with life inequalities. Like, if HP can help me with a job that I have worked hard for, etc, what about problems in 3rd world countries, why does that happen? I am sure not a believer that suffering brings one closer to hp. So I guess my darn answer is I don't know how I define a power greater than myself. No freaking clue. I do believe in one. I have no idea how it works, or whatever. It is really hard for me to be ok at not understanding something. 

But I know it is there. I do know it cares, I do know it acts. It provides me growth, that is for sure. HP has worked physically in my life, through oa, the loss of a ton of weight, although that was spiritual/mental too. Maybe that has to be enough for me? I don't get everything. Maybe that is part of my exercise in humility, having to recognize that it is ok to not understand. I don't know. anyway.



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Hello Apple39,

Thank you for your honesty.  I am not a "god" person myself, but I have a profound respect for nature, my place in it, and the ebb and flow life brings and how fighting it doesn't help me in my quest for being content.

So glad you are here.

 

Willing



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Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.   ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ~St. Francis of Assisi



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Thanks willing! I have been off for a few days due to the holidays and family stuff, but glad to be back now. The family time was hard!



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4.  What is a reasonable plan of self-care for you to help you continue to believe that recovery can, and will, work for you? Look again at your ideas in question 1 above

I love that the plan should be reasonable :). I love recovery work, and can get carried away in it, being the all or nothing person that I am. So anyway, this is what I am currently doing, my recovery plan changes from day to day:

1-2 oa meetings a week

1 aca meeting a week, most weeks. If I can't get that aca meeting I do a phone meeting. 

1 meeting with my aca 'fellow traveller' group to do step work a week.

1 coda phone meeting, I try for once a week but don't always hit that, there aren't as many options here, and a lot of these meetings happen when I am at work. 

Currently sponsoring 1 person in oa, can sponsor max of 3.

I post here every other day, and aca every other day as part of my morning recovery routine, and also do journaling every other day and meditation every other day. 

 

 



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5. What has been done for others in recovery that you would like to happen for yourself? Do you believe it is possible?

I would like to know how I feel without having to spend 2 hours trying to figure it out! One thing I have always admired about my wife is her capability to know her feelings. Always, no matter what. It's nuts! to know from one minute to the next if you are happy or sad or exactly what is under the surface and to be able to express that. She is not in recovery :), so I don't know that this is a recovery thing. This is the problem, aca in my community is new. Coda is practically non existent----1 face to face mtg, so I can't say that I have seen a whole lot of recovery. What I hope happens is that I am better able to feel my emotions and deal with them. That I have more emotional maturity. That I spend less time self seeking and people pleasing. That I develop a backbone, a capability to follow through.

Do I believe it is possible? When I dial in to phone meetings I hear more tales of recovery. And I have seen changes within myself. My mean girl used to be present and accounted for 100% of the time. Now, I think she is here about 30%. And you know what? I have learned to listen to her! give her credit where credit is due. A lot of her messages are noise, a lot of them are real. I also have learned ways to process the noise from the real----write down the mean girl thoughts. It helps to separate the noise from the area's where she is right.

Answering these questions in coda has quickly helped me gain some peace at work. a little less need to be perfect and interest in doing a good job.

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6.  Make a list of areas in your life where you would like to be restored. Your goals will be more effective if they center around restoring your own life rather than someone else’s.

Oh boy. all of them? Ok for specifics-----

1. Feelings. I would like to know how I feel and not have to soul search so much. I would also like to not spend so much time sad or angry. Just this last week figured out what anger feels like :). Small steps. So first one is feelings and how to deal with them. I am learning some tools, but not out of the water yet. 

2. Friendships----I would like to actually be real with people and not need that 'positive feedback buzz'. Then figure out who my real friends are. I would like to not need so many people, until all of  a sudden I decide I need none of them. What is that anyway? 

3. Work!!!!! This is one of my biggest codependency issues. I would like to not need so much to please everyone, to not get so overwhelmed, and to not feed myself so much self hate if I make a simply mistake or don't look my best a day or two. I would like to need less approval. 

4. My relationship. I have a pretty good one, but I am stubborn. I am not as trusting as I could be. In my childhood my family never took my side or saw things my way, they didn't with each other, either. I can practice that some process. Through recovery I have gotten better through my various recovery programs, but ultimately that is my default setting, don't trust, don't talk, don't feel. 

5. My foo----I wish they did not make me so sad. I wish I did not get so triggered. I have gotten more space around this issue, the sadness actually did not come in until the space did, it was something about the surrender that brought the sadness. However even though I feel seperation I think I may still have some more sadness to get through in regards to this. Not sure. Anyway, just here doing the work and we shall see. 

Thanks!



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Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.   ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ~St. Francis of Assisi

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