Willpower is not the key to the way of life we are seeking. Surrender is.
"I have spent much of my life trying to make people be, do, or feel something they aren't, don't want to do, and choose not to feel. I have made them, and myself, crazy in that process," said one recovering woman.
I spent my childhood trying to make an alcoholic father who didn't love himself be a normal person who loved me. I then married an alcoholic and spent a decade trying to make him stop drinking.
I have spent years trying to make emotionally unavailable people be emotionally present for me. I have spent even more years trying to make family members, who are content feeling miserable, happy.
What I'm saying is this: I've spent much of my life desperately and vainly trying to do the impossible and feeling like a failure when I couldn't. It's been like planting corn and trying to make the seeds grow peas. Won't work!
By surrendering to powerlessness, I gain the presence of mind to stop wasting my time and energy trying to change and control that which I cannot change and control. It gives me permission to stop trying to do the impossible and focus on what is possible: being who I am, loving myself, feeling what I feel, and doing what I want to do with my life.
In recovery, we learn to stop fighting lions, simply because we cannot win. We also learn that the more we are focused on controlling and changing others, the more unmanageable our life becomes. The more we focus on living our own life, the more we have a life to live, and the more manageable our life will become.
Today, I will accept powerlessness where I have no power to change things, and I'll allow my life to become manageable.
Amen. At this moment, I am so grateful to be reminded that I am powerless over other people in my life. There is nothing I need to do or say right now, except to ask my higher power's help to get through the day without guilt.
I am so grateful too, gottasayit, that I now understand I am powerless over other people in my life. I was so afraid of giving up control for a very long time, believing that powerlessness meant allowing myself to be victimised. Now I understand that accepting I am powerless over other people frees me up to invest the energy I wasted on trying to control things I cannot control on creating a nourishing, supportive relationship with myself. I get it wrong, I fall down, I go into obsessing, I get tired and confused, but accepting I am powerless over other people in my life frees me up to learn how to nourish myself. Learning how to nourish myself feels so good after years of not having a clue what it meant, never mind how to do it.
love your words working on "nourishing" yourself. I spend so much time and effort on what I eat and so little time on "nourishing" my soul and being good to me. I watched others close to me give their all to the addicts in their lives, only to be disappointed, run down, broken and/or have wasted what could have been a good life for themselves. So, thanks. Today will be a day of nourishment for me.
Today, right now I admit that I am powerless over people places and things, and I ask God to help me remember this throughout the day, while I practice loving detachment and not take on anyone else's stuff. Time to be good to me!
Willpower is not the key to the way of life we are seeking. Surrender is.
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In recovery, we learn to stop fighting lions, simply because we cannot win. We also learn that the more we are focused on controlling and changing others, the more unmanageable our life becomes. The more we focus on living our own life, the more we have a life to live, and the more manageable our life will become.
i have to stop fighting lions! Some people in my life is just those lions that i think i can fight but they more i try to control them, the more my life becomes unmanageable. God, help me to surrender for i am powerless.
Went to a 12 step mtg last night. Kept thinking about how being there and feeling a part of a group of kindred spirits - no judgement - just listening and caring people felt so great to me. Going to a mtg. for me is the biggest step one I could take. Listening to those who make the program their everyday philosophy was inspiring and courageous because they do not live their lives to make others happy around them like I have been doing all my life. They come from their truth. It takes some time and work to get there, but I believe it is a better way of life for me. I am willing to do the work with God's help, I can be loving and caring towards myself on a daily basis. Just got to let go and let God!
I love to fix things and I like fixing people. Over the years, I have been very successful fixing inanimate objects but I always thought I can fix the problems of people which has been a failure. This meditation provokes me to carefully look at my unrealistic expections of others and my limitations.
Today, right now I admit that I am powerless over people places and things, and I ask God to help me remember this throughout the day, while I practice loving detachment and not take on anyone else's stuff. Time to be good to me!