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Post Info TOPIC: Daily Meditation ~ Apologies


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Daily Meditation ~ Apologies
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Sometimes, we act in a manner with which we are less than comfortable. That's human. That's why we have the words: "I'm sorry." They heal and bridge the gap. But we don't have to say, "I'm sorry" if we didn't do anything wrong. A sense of shame can keep us apologizing for everything we do, every word we say, for being alive and being who we are.

We don't have to apologize for taking care of ourselves, dealing with feelings, seeking boundaries, having fun, or getting healthy.

We never have to change our course, if it is in our best interest, but sometimes a general apology acknowledges other feelings and can be useful when the issues of a circumstance or relationship are not clear. We might say: "I'm sorry for the fuss we had. I'm sorry if what I needed to do to take care of myself hurt you; it was not intended that way."

Once we make an apology, we don't have to keep repeating it. If someone wants to keep on extricating an apology from us for the same incident, that is the person's issue, and we don't have to get hooked.

We can learn to take our apologies seriously and not hand them out when they're not valid. When we feel good about ourselves, we know when it's time to say we're sorry and when it's not.

Today, I will try to be clear and healthy in my apologies, taking responsibility for my actions and nobody else's. God, help me figure out what I need to apologize for and what is not my responsibility.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

(Let it be a God or Higher Power of your own understanding)



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One of the things I noticed about myself recently is that if I do not react to someone else with kindness than I need to say I am sorry.  I mean I NEED to, it bothers me and I feel bad until I do it.  It no longer feeds this ego based thing in my head that says "I'm not going to say sorry because I am right!"  This might even be in response to abusive behavior but I still have a choice to respond with dignity and grace, state my truth, set my boundaries and walk away.  I do not need to be hurtful in response.  It used to make me feel better, I felt justified.  It doesn't anymore.  It is not who I want to be and the fact I LET someone get me to that point is now something I see as a defect. 

This doesn't mean that they are automatically right or they have power over me.  This does not mean they don't have to be accountable for their own actions or abuse.  If they do not hear me or chose to blame me, that is not my problem, it is theirs.  I can not make somebody own their own stuff, no matter how many times I say it, how many different ways I say it, how loud I scream it, or how many foul words I use ... they won't hear until they are willing to listen.  They won't take ownership of their part until they are ready ... and it is not my job to make them ready.  I accept they may never be ready.  All I can do is own my own behaviors and be accountable for them.

I would like to avoid these situations in the first place, but I am human.  We all lose our tempers and say things we don't mean, or things we mean but ARE mean, at one point or another.  I hope to lessen how often this happens, but being able to follow it up with "I am sorry" really makes things better for me.  The statement of "Do you want to be right or happy?" always bothered me.  I saw it as rolling over and giving in, which is against my nature.  Especially when someone is abusive.  Now I chose to look at it as "Do I want to be happy and still be right?"  LOL ...  I do NOT have to give up my truth or succumb to someone's manipulation.  I do not have to BELIEVE it.  But there is nothing that says I HAVE to make them see their wrongs.  They either do or don't.  So, I can still be right and not second guess myself, say I am sorry for acting poorly if I did, and stay happy.  Make sense?

I just did this recently.  The neighbors dog is extremely annoying, barks a LOT, and terrorizes the neighbor dogs.  I did something that offended said neighbor and I instantly apologized "I am sorry I offended you" but still stated my truth.  She didn't appear to hear me, she remained "right", her dog was barking moments later, but I am ok.  I was being rude, I apologized for it, I said my truth and now I can let it go.  I don't have to be right.  If her dog continues to terrorize the neighborhood there are actions I can take.  Regardless of what she is doing, there is no reason to be rude.  Period.

Interesting to put into practice.  Darned hard actually.  I think "I am right and you are wrong" is etched into my bones.



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Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.   ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ~St. Francis of Assisi



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__________________

Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.   ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ~St. Francis of Assisi

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