This song is another favorite of mine as well. And hearing it made me think about myself.
Shyness has plagued me for all my life and still does. If you look up the definition of shyness it will say see example photo, and there I’ll be. OK maybe it’s not to that point yet. But I don’t know anyone who is shyer than me.
My dating years were horrible. I bought into buying the how to pick up women programs. Thinking that would help me. All the videos where the guy is having a nice conversation and getting the girls number for a future date/hook-up. They make it look so dam easy. And maybe it is. I could never get to that point. Now I’m not saying I’m all that and a bag of chips to look at. But I’m average looking. About 10 years ago on the site hot or not. I was rated a (8). By the women checking me out. Yeah me. I’m now holding about 20 lbs heavy for a friend. Lol
Shyness has affected my self esteem, to the point that I feel worthless and so why bother to try and be rejected. It’s easier to do nothing. As the saying goes “nothing ventured nothing gained”. I see it more as a win/win. The woman is not put in an uneasy situation if she doesn’t like me. And I don’t have to deal with the rejection feelings from being turned down.
The one major issue I have about women. (Not all women). Are the ones I see who stay in relationships that are harmful and the guy treats them like ****. Now I understand they may feel trapped and are scared. But I’ve seen really beautiful women, who have good jobs wait for their man who is in jail for beating them. Claim, Oh but he not always like that, He tell me he loves me.
And then guys like me. (The nice guy) can’t buy a date. WTF
I would like to say I’m working on this part of my life hard. But due to my age, kids, habits, work and other reasons. I just feel safer being content as I am. I have no one to blame but myself.
Put yourself out there! Try meetup.com. I met a lot of people with similar interests and gained some really good friends. I didn't go into it looking for a relationship, I had to get myself OUT THERE and quit being a hermit. Great way to practice not being shy.
Willing
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Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ~St. Francis of Assisi
I really don't have the free time to get out there in that way. I'm self employed in a 24 hour on-call service, just me. I own and manage 2 rental properties, as well as my own 2 homes. I have 2 teens at home. There is always something to be done. I think I fall into the workaholic definition. lol Making plans, even going on a date with a woman can be cut short. I'm not the owner of the business. The business owns me. At least for 7 more years.
Funny thing is when I'm interacting with a customer. The shyness part seem to vanish. I think it's because I'm not expecting any romantic relationship or looking for a relationship with a customer VS someone I see out in the public. I guess I try and see several steps ahead when or if I talk with a person I find attractive.
Because I see so many bad relationships, it discourage me, to put much or any effort into finding one. It was a childhood dream that was not meant to be.
My word of advise to women. Break the traditional rules of dating. If you see a guy whom seems shy and you find him physically attractive. Approach him and start the conversation.
Your teens can be trusted? I'm hoping to a point. You need to relax! Workaholic? Maybe... We all need 'me' time and that is not being a bad person to take some time for yourself. Have lunch with a friend. It doesn't have to be a 'date'. You should learn to treat yourself.
See, here I am giving advice when I am or have been in that same situation. I have had men tell me that I am a great looking woman and can have any man I wanted. Yet I do not feel that way myself about myself! Whether it be accomplishments in life, self-esteem issues, fear and the list goes on and on. You know that song On and On by Stephen Bishop.
I've always tried to be a believer in we are where we are supposed to be. Somehow that doesn't always ring true.
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The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places. - Ernest Hemingway
My guess is that you are confident in your abilities of your work but you are not confident in yourself as a potential mate.
I am (and was) very confident in who I am as a person, career ... parenting ... intelligence ... kindness ... on and on. But I was TERRIFIED of being in a relationship. I was absolutely consumed with fear that once again I would be abused and abandoned. Seems to be a reoccurring theme since I was a child. And I just kept choosing folks who abused me more and more, it was escalating. The one that catapulted me into recovery was the most vulgar and cruel person I have ever met. And thank goodness for that! Yep, I am thankful for he stopped the pattern of me choosing unhealthy, abusive, emotionally unavailable, unfaithful, pathological liars. Those people are drawn to folks paralyzed by fear. They feed on us. They know exactly how to charm us into a feeling of safety and then tearing us down to nothing but an empty shell.
I spent years working on my program of recovery. I spent years practicing not looking at men I met as potential partners and just looking at them as people, no expectations. Learning how to communicate with folks with confidence in any situation. Learning how to read people to see if they are healthy or not. Taking things slow, just friendships ... I stayed single on purpose for a long time ... but learning to just let people be who they are. Give them enough rope and they will show you exactly who they are after a time. I only want healthy, loving people in my life and I will not settle for less. It is amazing the shift of the type of people I have in my life now.
I have always been happy alone. I thrive when I am single. But I still felt "less than" because I wasn't in a relationship. There must be something wrong with me. I got over that. It took a LOT of work. I watched almost everyone around me miserable in relationships and learned to be grateful for my single status and how content I was with almost every moment of every day. I had to believe down to the depth of my being that I was not less than for being single. I am worth protecting. I am worth making sure the next person I got involved with was a GOOD man. I am worth being ready for a relationship, being healthy and confident in who I am. I want to be with someone who doesn't NEED me in his life and I don't NEED him. We want to be together, we compliment each other, we inspire each other, we respect each other, but there is none of the panic, fear, or addiction to each other.
It appears I have found it but it is still very early. I am not rushing in (Only Fools Rush In ... lol). I am enjoying every moment to the fullest, we are having an absolutely blast, but I am staying firmly in reality and watching him. I am getting feedback from my friends and family and they all approve and are very happy for me. It is like I am going down a check list ... because I deserve it. He is healthy, kind, good communicator, hard worker, has good boundaries ... on and on. And I am not taking his word for it, I am making sure it is TRUE, I am looking at his actions and his relationships with others. I honesty believe that he has come into my life because I was READY. I worked on being able to offer him the same in return. I'm not saying it hasn't been bumpy. I have gotten scared, really scared. But I have communicated with him in a healthy way and asked for what I needed and he listened and so far has done a great job.
One Day at a Time. Couldn't be more true. That is the best way to live life. What will be will be (and what has been is past).
Willing
__________________
Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ~St. Francis of Assisi
