I am a codependent woman who has been in recovery for two years. I have made a lot of good progress towards loving myself and owning my choices. However I am currently struggling with my feelings towards my partner's ex.
After 3 years apart, she is still bitter about their separation and continues to do everything she can think of to sabotage our relationship.
They have two children together and she refuses to allow me to pick them up and will refuse him access if she suspects the children may spend any time in my care. She has sabotaged our vacation plans more than once by withholding the children at the last minute.
Recently, she had a public meltdown in front of my partner and her children all because he dared to show up at her door with me to pick up the kids.
She refuses to speak to me but continues to insult me to her children and to my partner, all while making overt attempts to seduce him.
I understand that her hatred of me is ultimately an expression of self hatred, and I understand that my partner is the one who has to deal with her, but I have been having a lot of trouble releasing her and accepting that god is leading her where she needs to go.
She is really testing my faith in my higher power.
I pray that I may be able to release myself from her anger, and focus my energy in places where I can have a real and positive impact.
I would suggest to avoid doing what seems to upset the ex as much as possible. And allow her to vent about her feeling about her children care. Observe your own feelings about her reaction. Do you get angry? Why. Do you judge her? Why. If you answered yes to the question, then you’re allowing God’s peace, to be taken from you. None of this ex actions needs to affect you unless you allow it to. Have a forgiving heart, only observe but take no offence from the interaction.
Kind of like playing catch. If the other person don’t throw the ball back. Games over.
I agree with Fap123. I have been in your position and I wish now that I hadn't engaged. There was nothing I could do to improve the situation, letting the situation upset me ended my marriage and looking back it really wasn't that important. What was important was my marriage and the effects the situation had on the children. If I could go back and do it differently I would be a calm, loving, detached, solid person that was there for the kids and my husband. They see what is happening and make their own judgements. Also being a child from a split home with a mother who raged at my father - he didn't engage and was just with me and tended our relationship when we were together. He never spoke ill of her. I loved him so much for that and harbored resentments towards my mother for speaking ill of my father whom I loved so much.
Please keep coming back!
Willing
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Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ~St. Francis of Assisi
