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Post Info TOPIC: What is a codependent?


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What is a codependent?
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 The word 'codependency' has grown into the vocabulary over the last 30 or 40 years. It originated in addiction treatment centres to describe significant others, or family members, and friends, of people who had addiction.

I was going to discuss this at length. My old self certainly would have tried. Over the years, I hope, I have become much less dependent of things and other people. Much less seeming to be the victim of black and white thinking- my way or the doorway.

So I will leave it there. I do try to keep things simple. I like to listen too, and learn... smile...

-davidg.



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Yes I'm finding I don't need to say as much either anymore David. Less is best at the moment :D

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 Yes... what springs to mind- is the sense that now- there will be  tomorrow and a next time... no longer the sense for me... that this is my last chance to be heard...!

   aww...



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So, what is a codependent?  As I read new articles about us, I can see that the term and it's meanings have expanded or become refined since I began Recovery about 25 years ago.  The new understandings are very good and cover just a little more than what I found in the beginning but the Solutions seem to be the same - becoming free of Dependency and emotionally healthy again (If I ever was?).  For me, the Solution was and still is all that matters and I am not really free of Codependency yet as evidenced by the way I live now that my late wife is no longer here to "direct" my life and interests.  Fortunately though, I learned enough at CODA and elsewhere to go for the Solution and begin living a more satisfying and happy life as a lone (not lonely) widower.  At 79, I do not expect to get into another relationship, codependent or not but if I do, things will be vastly different from now on.   Oh by the way, I am leaving my body to science (body donation program) at UCLA, when my time is up.   I don't want to "burden" my relatives with my remains!  LOL, is that about Codependency????



-- Edited by jimrich on Wednesday 5th of July 2017 04:52:40 PM

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 Lol, Jim ... ??? 

People say life is about choice... I chose my lifestyle and my failures, or so i am told...

but I always felt like i was sleepwalking through life... rolling with the punches....

One time I reached a point on my CODA journey... where i made a conscious choice- whereabouts on the spectrum of giving and getting where ah wanted to be. The spectrum between goodwill and self-interest.

I come from a rural culture... and that played a part in my decision.

I don't have to keep to that point... after all I created it for myself! I could be hard-nosed- put my foot down... if I wanted or needed to.

And I always believed that family came first- where generosity was concerned- time and attention, very much, as well as things.

So, as I lay this trip out here, I realise I was laying the foundations for a set of flexible boundaries- or so I assume... ????...?????...



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DavidG wrote:
 I don't have to keep to that point...

 

 Jim: So, what's your point?



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 My point...

                 I don't need to be a sucker for everyone and everything...

                  but I like to let my hair down and be a sucker for some things- kids, music, walks in the woods...



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