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Post Info TOPIC: I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling. I minimize, alter, or deny how I truly feel.


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I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling. I minimize, alter, or deny how I truly feel.
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I spent most of my life numb.  I shut down a long time ago to avoid pain.  The longer I hid from it the more I acted out to offset it.  After awhile I couldn't feel anything good or bad, or my feelings wouldn't show up till a few days later.  I remember at about 6 months in recovery, my 2 year old son developed a fever of 106.  My wife, Mother in law and my son were in the car heading to the hospital and the mother and grandmother were crying over their concern for my son's fever.  I couldn't feel anything and later I felt guilt and shame for not being scared about the danger that my son was facing.

My other times, in my childhood and late teens, I was being verbally abused by someone and I'd just take it.  I felt guilty, later, about not standing up for myself or not knowing how to set boundaries.  For me it was all or nothing.  I was afraid of my anger.  I couldn't just calmly tell someone to shut up.  It would take a lot to finally set me off and then my anger would be out of control.  This was another reason I'd stuff my feelings.

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Dean
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