Im going through a lot right now. Will post soon with an update.. Thanks to everyone at MIP the last 2 years for sharing all your Experience, Strength and Hope. I believe this forum will help a lot of people, including me.
8 girls in a year and a half since I split with my sons mom does not seem healthy to me. Neither does constant relapsing. At least I have hope with the program(s) and these forums.
Im going through a lot right now. Will post soon with an update.. Thanks to everyone at MIP the last 2 years for sharing all your Experience, Strength and Hope. I believe this forum will help a lot of people, including me.
8 girls in a year and a half since I split with my sons mom does not seem healthy to me. Neither does constant relapsing. At least I have hope with the program(s) and these forums.
Heya Steve, Nice to see you made it, welcome, you were a BIG part in making this happen so we hope to see you here reg'lar like
Im going through a lot right now. Will post soon with an update.. 8 girls in a year and a half since I split with my sons mom does not seem healthy to me. Neither does constant relapsing.
I remember trying to blow some sober friends off when I was in your shoes, I called and asked for help, then when they came to get me I said the same as you, "I have some stuff going on and I will come with you as soon as I get it sorted"
They weren't very nice, they grabbed me by the ear and dragged me to the meeting anyway, they were mean too, they said "ya idjit, you don't wait until you feel better and get your life in order then work the program, you work the program and it IT gets your life in order and makes you feel better!!!"
I'm glad I have friends that were such meanies actually, they saved me many times when I couldn't save myself, I've been blessed to be able to return "the favor" to some of them and many others over the years, the funny thing was they were the folks that saved my bacon years later
Keep coming back Steve, the tumblers will click and everything will fall into place as long as you keep coming back eventually
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Thanks guys, I been lurking a bit.. still a bit distraught over my uncles passing and yes another recent breakup. Its like I dont want to be lonely so I keep finding these unhealthy relationships then end up losing them and in my sick mind its not my fault. Picked up "Codependant No More" on my Kindle. Also grabbed a Relationship Addiction? Book from a thrift store. Going to a meeting tomorrow, gonna for once just concentrate on me. Been realizing I have no control on what others will do. Learning a lot about restrictions, resentments, expectations and rationalizing. I think that even though I have been a chronic relapser and obviously not a great boyfriend, that being here and the times sober and in meetings I still have all I have learned and try to learn more everyday. I think one of my biggest highlights of the year so far was having a member in the alcoholics forum say I was one of the influences that got him to over a year sober. At first I felt a bit of shame as he was able to do it and I wasnt but then I felt overwhelmed that I contributed to someones sobriety. It was humbling to say the least.
Hi, Steve. Will a visit to Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous help you with the withdrawal from your relationships? I couldn't go alone in any area of my life during early recovery. I'm in a place of safety within my sobriety today but as has been mentioned I needed to do so much of the suggested things to get here. It was not easy but definately worth it. SLAA can give you the extra support you need while you're getting a program under your belt. I went to both SLAA & CoDA in my first year. I didn't stick around as I concentrated on AA to get my sobriety under my belt but they were good for identification in the beginning & to add to my AA knowledge as I was growing. Once I felt safe in my AA program I went back to CoDA & have worked through to Step11 now. My journey has been a beautiful & steady progression from one thing to the next & I followed my need as I went. Now that I feel I have a steady footing in my CoDA program I've returned to SLAA to continue in getting more specific. It seemed a bit much to carry on with in the beginning as it was like info overload but I was still glad of the support I needed then & I've eventually returned to it too so it just goes to show I know where the help is. Do whatever it takes to get sober & you will be living in the 4th dimension. Happy, joyous & free. The promises do come true. All of them! :) Godbless & Goodluck.
My mother (35 years sober) likes to say "Under every skirt, there is a Slip". Steve this is monumentally true in your case. A qirl friend is just like a case of booze for you. It was at my first Coda meetinq that I came to believe that I was a womanizer and a sex addict. This is that meetinq, that I've wrote about, where i walked into, at an AA club meetinq room without lookinq at the schedule, thinkinq that it was an AA meetinq. When the chair person read the topic "I accepted sex, when all I wanted was love", I knew I was in trouble. I looked around and there were 50 women and only 1 other quy. It was too late to leave. After that I heard one story after another about women qettinq womanized. I didn't even know the true definition of that word, because it defined me and you qenerally you "Don't know what you don't know". After the meetinq I asked the other quy to be my Coda sponsor. He lauqhed hard and lonq, when I asked him if he had a "workinq definition" of the term "Womanizer". "You're kiddinq? Riqht?" he said. I turned very red and said "No". What followed was 9 months of celibacy <---- took a awhile just to learn how to spell that word.
Hey Steve, I'm glad to see your here too. Your persistance paid off. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, if it doesnt get replaced.
" 8 girls in a year and a half "
I been doing the same thing only different, and I been doing twenty years longer then you. I wish I could have been able to see this stuff at your age. I havent been through the woman as fast as you, my deal is one every 5 to 7 years and really drag out the pain and misery. I guess I am a serial monogamist, with a large threshold for pain. But I have had enough. I'm ready to dig deeper and get to work on me, one more time. Thanks for pushing for this board. Hope you dont disappear.
-- Edited by billyjack on Sunday 6th of March 2011 10:40:23 AM
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"Sometimes the lights are all shining on me - other times I can barely see - Lately its occurred to me - what a long strange trip its been." Robert Hunter
All right Steve, good to see ya here -- SteveP from the other board.
You and me are in this together. I have a small bit of ESH to share in that other fellowship. I am am absolute newcomer to this fellowship and really, really, really glad to be here.
"Its like I dont want to be lonely so I keep finding these unhealthy relationships then end up losing them and in my sick mind its not my fault."
Me too, Steve. I have about the same track record with men...and I've been very ashamed of my behavior. I kept telling myself "I just can't get a break." "I keep hooking up with the wrong guys." But the common denominator in all the bad relationships I've had is ME.
I think as I am learning more about myself, I can see that I NEED to be alone. I need to learn how to love myself and take care of myself first. This scares the hell out of me, because currently, I don't like my own company very much. I do anything to not be alone...including being a workaholic, meeting-aholic, activity-aholic, gym rat, overcommitting myself to too many organizations, scheduling every minute of my life...so I don't have to be by myself.
Part of my work is to stop running away from myself and look inward. I know I can't be in a healthy romantic relationship right now. I know that by running away I'm not dealing with my issues. I have the books, the resources at my fingertips and it is time to get to work. This is going to be painful, but through pain comes healing, and I really want to get better. I"m new here and don't know if any of this makes sense, but that's what I'm going through right now, and it is comforting to see that I'm not alone. Heather
