I've had many substance addictions throughout my life, and just for today, I am free of them. I am only starting to be able to address other 'addictions' such as behaviour patterns. I can see in hindsight, that I was unable to get any clarity untill I was free of substance addictions.
I do get very confused though. I can see more clearly now my part in unhealthy relationships, and my part is huge. But what I am unclear about is the many people I meet in fellowships and in day to day life, who are addicted to cigarettes and sugar. These don't seem to be regarded as 'real' addictions. My experience has been that they are minimised and often discounted altogether. Maybe that is a sign of denial.
I know from my own experience with cigarette and sugar addiction, that it was only when I was free, could I see the difference in my thinking. Maybe other people can manage these addictions and get well anyway. Maybe it isn't an obstacle for them. Maybe it's none of my business.
This is not meant as a judgement or criticism of anyone, nor do I think I am any better than anyone else - just the opposite.
The core issue with addictions is mood altering. If we are engaged with a mood altering event or substance, the brain is being cued to release powerful drugs - endorphins, adrenaline, dopemine... and we are hiding from our true feelings, fears, and past. So I guess that people engaging in addictions can modify some of their behavior but if we are not getting to the core issues, how can any recovery last, and what is the motivation to do the hard work if we are mood altering with substances or events?
My view would be that this is a tough call and hard to make from the outside. I would guess that we all turn to some external things to soothe us, probably on a daily basis. We get riled up about something so we make a cup of tea or have a hot bath or have a brownie or light a cigarette. In our culture the brownie and the cigarette would probably attract more criticism than the tea or the bath (but not before the 1920s or so, when they encouraged cigarettes as a nice soother!) But some religions that don't approve of caffeine would be very critical of the cup of tea, and a medieval monk would think the bath is a sin.
What I'm getting at, though, is that I would think that it's not really what you do, but the degree: whether it numbs you out so much that it keeps you from facing your own life and being honest with yourself, so that you're causing significant harm to yourself and others. Not harm to others by eating or drinking cups of tea, but through your lack of facing up to your life.
If that's the case, then I would see the overindulgence in sugar or cigarettes as a symptom, not a cause.
Nevertheless, I hope we don't have to be free of every imperfection before we can benefit from recovery. It's a process, not a finish line. When I see what some people have had to overcome in their lives, I won't begrudge them a piece of cake.
Interesting topic. There is no doubt in my mind that sugar and caffeine are addictive and mood-altering. I actually stopped drinking alcohol when I decided to try a candida cleanse which required zero sugar, no alcohol, no dairy, no yeast, etc. etc. I had a coffee habit back then, with cream and sugar, so I gave that up as well.
When the cleanse was over (3 months later) I had some birthday cake somewhere and could not believe the cravings for sugar in the days that followed. Recently I started drinking coffee again over the winter. I had to laugh when a friend said to me one day, "wow, you sound great!!! keep it up whatever you're doing!" It seemed to give me a personality I never had before, lol
I know my sponsor would say, "we could be doing a lot worse." I kinda subscribe to that mentality, we are not saints. The longer I'm in the program, more is revealed, I am becoming more aware of the ways I cause separation with Higher power. That's my problem in a nutshell.
-- Edited by gladlee on Thursday 10th of March 2011 07:32:46 AM
__________________
"See the work. Do the work. Stay out of misery." -Maharishi
This is a good topic, a lot of things went through my head when I read this and pondered it
first: Maybe other people can manage these addictions and get well anyway. Maybe it isn't an obstacle for them. Maybe it's none of my business.
It's absolutely none of my business, when I used to take other peoples inventories my grandsponsor would buttchew me like no mans business, he explained if I was actually working my own program, taking my own inventory, I'd be so busy I wouldn't have time to work anyone else's, that taking other people's inventories by definition was the opposite of actually "working the program"
Second: I was talking to a friend of mine when I had a year or two of sobriety, and he said "You know Andrew, you hide your emotions behind your cigarettes, we use all addictions to "stuff" feelings and nicotine is particularly effective for that
I was...like, WHAT an IDIOT you are, nothing worse then a convert, and he was an East Coast Rich Kid that had moved to my little California Hippy town, and I told him he was full of granola laden crap, that he was more "hippy" then us hippies that grew up there, and that he should take that opinion fold into four corners and shove it up his...well you get the point.
Shortly therafter was my one or two year anniversary so I quit smoking, which was suggested, and I came UNGLUED, Day 3 I was a psychotic mess, and it was more then just withdrawals, over the next few years my emotions were all over the place, I felt like everyone was getting on my last nerve, another thing is I no longer could tolerate the intolerable, which in my experience, addictions have allowed me to do, when I was drinking I stayed in situations that sober I walked away from, when engaged in addiction the "serenity to change" was accomplished by lighting a cigarette, taking a few bong hits, or having a few drinks, when I took smoking, drinking, and bong hits out of the equation it was all me, and I needed a whole new set of tools...truthfully, it was horrible, I wouldn't wish that period of my life on anyone.
Continuing on, I agree with Dean, Mattie and Glad Lee, in that A, if we are self medicating, we are going to avoid some things, but it is progress not perfection, It's not a finish line, it's a process.
My father quit drinking for 10 years but smoked pot, he started drinking again but he was able to moderate, this man drank enough to sink the entire Australian Navy, yet the guy could moderate after a period of abstinence, anyhow, he knew I was sober that I was in AA, this was maybe 10 years into sobriety for me and I was talking to him about something that was bothering him and he was giving me some taoist line of horsesh** and I finally snapped at him, well of course it's easy for you to get all holy and zen, you load a few rippers into a bong and turn into the F@#$%$ing Dalai Lama!!!
There was a shocked gasp and he asked, "You don't smoke pot???" (remember I'd been sober for a LONG time at this point)
NO
"Son, what the HELL??? Jesus God man are you INSANE??? Everyone has to have something, so what happens you take a hit of pot and ten minutes later you are killing hookers?
Yeah something like that dad....
Anyhow, he functions just fine, he's happy, he has a good life, I don't smoke pot or drink because I can't, Like GladLee I eat sugar and the next night experience craving for sugar, but I'm no addicted to sugar, so sometimes I eat a brownie, sometimes I go on a 3 night little sugar bender and break out the Ben and Jerry's a few nights running, then I go for periods where I don't eat sugar.
So I think the answer is a personal one, I'm no specialist in mental health, codependency, or addictions, but what I am an expert in to coin a phrase, is my own story, on a side note what makes me an "expert" is YEARS, nay DECADES of having others help me take my inventory with a list of Socratic questioning known as the steps, 7 or 8 times thoroughly at last count.
Guaranteed I missed some stuff, guaranteed some stuff was like a haunted movie where the spirits are shouting "geettt ouuuttttttt! and I cluelessly go back into the house, doubtless some of this stuff I missed was because I was drugged up on looovvveee, or sex, or cigarettes, or Ben and Jerry's...and sex, but you know what?
Progress not perfection and I'll stick with my story and my inventory because taking other peoples inventory is what got me in this mess to begin with, "you're doing it wrrrooonnngggg!!!!" has caused me as much pain as any of my other character defects, actually more then most, so I'm going to leave that to people more qualified.
__________________
it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Oh I did want to point out that to just answer the title, as in addiction to alcohol, pot, or other mind and mood altering drugs, you know "The Usual Suspects" I'd say No, my experience with my own steps, therapy, and "work", including sponsoring others matches this:
For the last twenty-one years, I have been employed by an inpatient treatment center called The Meadows in Wickenburg, Arizona. After seeing hundreds of clients and looking at patterns of behavior, family of origin relational trauma issues, and addiction problems, it became apparent that early relational trauma sets up dysfunctional adult relational issues. There are two inter-relating issues, one is in the relationship with self and the other is in the relationship with others. The relationship with self presents five primary problems that lead to adult intimacy issues:
First the client has trouble having a sense of self, spending much of his or her life living in reaction to the object of their affection rather than in action for the self. This is the reality issue; it causes the client to feel empty inside and causes the client to endlessly blame others for how he feels emotionally or for what he has done.
Second, the client does not experience inherent worth. He gauges his sense of value through a process of endless comparison to others, and is too dependent on others to establish either a sense of value or self. This interferes with his ability to maturely love others. He generally can hold another person in warm regard only when the other is behaving "properly," or when he has created a comfortable fantasy about the other person and uses denial to avoid looking at the other's disturbing behavior.
Third, the client has no personal boundary system with which to protect and contain himself during intimate exchange. This leads to abusive behavior on his part and involves control and manipulation, raging, ridiculing, lying and/or a high tolerance for this type of behavior in a partner.
The fourth problem involves poor self-care, leading to dependency and interdependency problems in a relationship.
The fifth problem deals with living in the extreme. This is usually exhibited by a lack of moderation in attitude and behavior, which leads to a sense of deadness and/or chaos in a relationship.
Childhood trauma
It is evident that problems with the "self" lead to intimacy issues. The next question concerns where these problems developed. It appears that childhood trauma sets up several core issues. For example, if a child is not maturely loved by his parents, he will develop self-esteem issues. If he is not protected and taught containment, he will develop boundary problems. If he is forced to do too much adapting, he will lose his sense of self and have trouble being real. If he is not taught to take care of his basic needs and wants, he will have difficulty doing this as an adult. And, if he is severely shamed into containing himself and not taught containment, he will have trouble establishing moderation in his adult life.
Both trauma and core issues drive addictions, be it addiction to substances, processes, or to other people. Trauma, core issues, and addictions create severe relational problems where sex, love, and relational matters all seem to become entwined. Knowing where to start is the first step in treatment.
The starting point, love addiction Alcohol or drug addictions should be addressed first and foremost. The client must have the ability to think and feel without a mood altering substance. Subsequently, the primary behavioral addiction to be considered is love addiction. A Love Addict has been traumatized in childhood by being neglected or abandoned by either of his parents
__________________
it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
