"I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others."
Ifind myself giving people advise they don't ask for, and offering to do favors, usually work that these folks need to do for themselves. Of course I see these as unselfish good deeds, but if I examine my motives, there is always some kind of expectation or possible benefit for me. Whether this is seeking approval, banking a favor, or trying to buy friendship.
A lot of times my "advise" or offers to "help" is taken as criticism, especially if the people doesn't think that there is a problem with the way that they are handling the situation currently.
man oh man, I can't tell you how many times I prefaced all my "help" and "advice" with "I'm saying this because I love you" while they (my kids) would be wincing in pain from my "honesty."
I'm grateful I don't do that today, I just came back from a visit with them. My two children currently do not communicate with each other (resentment since the holidays) and I had to divide my time between the two of them.... which was not easy. I would love to fix this thing, but I have a program today that just won't let me do that. I managed to stay out of it (although there were times I had loose lips because I lost a LOT of sleep due to the inflatable mattress deflating and leaving me on the floor by morning, lol) But..... I did okay, I caught myself. It's easy when they start looking away, lol. Their business is none of my business. And I can't even preach about it because I am currently locked in a resentment and not speaking with my own sister..... !
My first sponsor drilled this into me....... "They gotta need it. They gotta want it. And THEY GOTTA ASK FOR IT. If they're not asking, Debbie, you're outside your circle!!" (She taught me to stay inside the imaginary circle drawn around my feet... "Stay inside your circle!!" was a daily reminder from her.) It saved my relationship with my kids. Before the program, my kids never wanted to take my call... and if they did, they could never talk long. "I gotta go" they would say. I don't blame them, who wants to talk to someone who can't accept you as you are...?!!! I avoid those people too.
Feeling grateful...................
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"See the work. Do the work. Stay out of misery." -Maharishi
.......just got outta the shower where I recalled that I did ask my son to drive me to the Alano club so I could get a Where and When schedule. I asked him to come in with me, he declined and I was a tad disappointed because my MOTIVE was to get him comfortable in there!!! I went in, got my Where and When and then "accidentally" left it in his car. My ego is clever, eh? My motive is to get him to AA.
yep, I'd like to change him. (sigh)
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"See the work. Do the work. Stay out of misery." -Maharishi