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Post Info TOPIC: Book Study: Codependent No More - Introduction


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Book Study: Codependent No More - Introduction
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Synopsis:

The book I am reading has a copyright of 1987 - so it has some time under it's belt. In the introduction the author, Melody Beattie, talks of her first exposure to codependency. She was an active alcoholic / addict and as she described the codependent you could see her judgement of these people who tried to control her life.

In 1976 as a sober recovery counselor, she was tasked with putting together a program for the significant others of the recovering chemically dependent. During this time it appears she was really good at diagnosing and describing the codependent - but still didn't identify or understand the underlying issues that feed their behavior. ". . . until years later, when I became so caught up in the chaos of a few alcoholics that I stopped living my own life. Stopped thinking. Stopped feeling positive emotions, and I was left with rage, bitterness, hatred, fear, depression, helplessness, despair, and guilt."

After this plunge into codependency she starts to identify and understand from personal experience that which a codependent goes through. She begins working on her own recovery from codependency and becomes passionate about the subject. Using many resources she starts to understand the underlying issues and how to start learning to take care of herself and stop controlling others.

"That's why I wrote this book. It grew out of my research, my personal and professional experiences, and my passion for the subject. It is a personal and, in some places, prejudiced opinion.

I'm not an expert, and this isn't a technical book for experts. Whether the person you've let yourself be affected by is an alcoholic, gambler, foodaholic, workaholic, sexaholic, criminal, rebellious teenager, neurotic parent, another codependent, or any combination of the above, this book is for you, the codependent."


-- Edited by Linistea on Sunday 13th of March 2011 08:45:59 PM

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I am a bit biased when it comes to Melody Beattie's writings because this was the first book I picked up just before getting into recovery.  Her words were the first to let me know that I could be happier in relationships and it would require change in me.  Her writing touched me, opened my eyes to recovery and that I can learn, heal, and grow.  Before Melody's writing I thought I was stuck with this lot in life and what happened - happened.  I was who I was.  I was by no means miserable over the span of my life - in fact I am a very happy, successful person.  But I am horrible at relationships and at the time was in the throws of an extremely unhealthy one and abusing alcohol to get me through it.

I had never heard the word "codependent" and was shocked at how much of it applied to me. She helped me by being a good example of sharing her experience strength & hope. She pulls her own covers. She shares herself. She didn't make it about "them", she made it about "me" and I think that being my first "recovery" experience has helped me in my efforts to "stay on my side of the street" and simply share what I have experienced.

Since first reading this book I have gone through the steps with an AA sponsor using the AA Big Book.  I have spent some time in Al-Anon and read more than I care to admit about a LOT of behavioral issues that I have.  Just moved to a new city and therapy is pretty close to the top of the list of things to do. 

I am looking forward to going through this book again with the CoDA group at MIP.  I am not just a codependent - I am not here only because I have an alcoholic in my life.  I am a lot of things and need to learn to love all parts of me.  I need to identify behaviors that are not good for me (and others) and learn how to change them.  Sometimes that requires several passes, doing a lot of digging, and looking under some pretty heavy rocks.  I am hoping that this trip through "Codependent No More" will take me even further into the awareness I seek of myself and more change and growth.

Linistea


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Hello all,

A friend sent me a note a few days ago about this book study. I'm pleased to see it's just starting and that I haven't missed anything. I'm also a recovering A (4 years) and a ACOA. I went through this book about a year ago and it's about time to dust it off. Currently going through a divorce. I've been separated for over a year now. There is someone in my life right now who's also in recovery (I don't do "alone" very well... surprise, surprise). The codependent behaviors run deep, now at almost 40 years old, I don't want them making decisions for me anymore.

As far as my marriage. Through most of it we were both addicted. Secretly for the most part. Me and my closet drinking and him with his prescriptions. Both completely codependent and enabling. It's still mind boggling how the stench of "sick" just went completely over my head for so many years.

I've marked this book a year ago when I read it. I can see just from the preface, that my marks will be different. That's interesting already. Having to go through my own recovery as an Alcoholic first, I remember coming across the Alanon and Codependent programs. It was like a missing link. I realized I was only dealing with 50% of my issues in AA. As codependency had a language all it's known. "Boundaries" for one.

I love the "Therapy Fable" in the introduction. It's not copywrited on it's own 'cause it's an old fable. So I'm pasting it here. smile.gif

---------

Once upon a time, a woman moved to a cave in the mountains to study with a guru. She wanted, she said, to learn everything there was to know. The guru supplied her with a stack of books and left her alone so she could study. Every morning, the guru returned to the cave to monitor the woman’s progress. In his hand, he carried a heavy wooden cane. Each morning, he asked her the same question: ”Have you learned everything there is to know yet?” Each morning her answer was the same. ”No,” she said, “I haven’t.” The guru would then strike her over the head with his cane.

This scenario repeated itself for months. One day, the guru entered the cave, asked the same question, heard the same answer, and raised his cane to hit her in the same way, but the woman grabbed the cane from the guru, stopping his assault in midair.

Relieved to end the daily beatings but fearing reprisal, the woman looked up at the guru. To her surprise, the guru smiled. ”Congratulations, ” he said, “you have graduated. You now know everything you need to know.”

“How’s that?” the woman asked.

“You have learned taht you will never learn everything there is to know,” he replied. ”And you have learned how to stop the pain.”




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Hello Alzerin,

Great to see you here.  I am a friend of your friend who suggested you come here, used to lurk on the the "other board", and also know you have taken part in our step board when we tried to get that going here on MIP.

I am very glad you are here and participating, I look forward to our discussions.

Linistea

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I have so many thoughts about this book, but I think I'll start as others have and talk about where I am as I read the book now. I am a life-long co-dependent, raised by two chronically depressed, adult children of alcoholics/abusers. I learned my caretaker role early, and graduated to marrying a chronically depressed adult child of a mentally ill/abusive mother. I struggled for years to "accept my lot," basically condemning myself to unhappiness because I didn't feel that I deserved any more than serving as a caretaker to my husband, my parents, and a collection of dysfunctional friends. Along the way I established my alcoholism as another way to hide from the effects of my co-dependency. I first read Melody's book when I was 27and first dating my future husband. I even joined a CODA 12-step group and briefly worked the steps. But we married and moved away, and I sort of let my interest/belief in working the steps fade away. It took alcoholism, an unhappy 11-year marriage, an explosive divorce and plunging deeper into alcoholism, and then finally new hope in AA before I could even begin to re-focus on my co-dependency. 

I am 47 now, divorced, raising an incredible 14-year-old son (one (and possibly the only) truly good thing to come out of my marriage). I am 5 years sober, in a fairly healthy relationship (the first after quite a few unhealthy ones), in a decent job at a really dysfunctional place, and quite lonely otherwise. I know I should look on the positive side -- I have developed two healthy relationships with the two most important people in my life. I truly hope through this study group and working the steps again, that I will be able to stretch and build more healthy ways of relating to more people in my life.



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Hi,
In 1986 or 1087, I found with 6 + years of clean and sober time, with many of the promises already in place , meetings, step work,
sponsor.
I found myself attempting suicide. A wise counselor who had tracked my recovery heard about ACOA. I literally ran to it.
I was introduced to the book Co- Dependent no more. I Never Knew. The ACOA meeting I attended strongly recommended a minimum of 2 Years clean and sober time in AA and preferably the same amount of time in Al- Anon. I understood why.
Some of the issues that were about to surface would be so powerful, My sobriety may be threatened. Just from the sheer pain of realization.
Al- Anon would be able to help me redirect the emotional upheavals. I understood I would journey to my innermost instincts,
Instincts that were misdirected because of co- dependent issues. Survival Instincts. Volatile to say the least.
I needed every bit of sober time and Al-Anon meetings to get through this process of uncovering the core issues.
My version of recovery is only mine.
My intent is not to scare any one away, yet if I do not share How It was for me, I feel I have dropped the ball.
I continue the journey with caution and nurturing. For me discovering how "My instincts had gone astray" continues.
Wayne







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Boy I related to the introduction.... she's speaking of codependents "I didn't know what they were but by God I knew -who- they were"

My Girlfriends:

hostile, controlling, manipulative, indirect, guilt producing, difficult to communicate with, and more.

I think every relationship I ever had started with "I've heard of you, everyone told me you were bad news and to stay away from you" and I knew it was "Game on", the first date consisted of them coming to stay the night...and just never leaving, in most cases I had slept with half their friends and a few of their relatives, I was pretty much drunk every night and was a well known womanizer, party boy, they knew what they were getting into, the second date had the Uhaul pulling up, and the the third date consisted of "The Talk"

We all know "The Talk"

You need to quit drinking, stop flirting, stop sleeping around, and no more bartending

yeah....right I would say, so let me get this straight, you want me to change all the qualities that attracted you to me in the first place, and just because we have fun playing this GREAT new game I had just discovered (sex with other people) I'm not allowed to play it with anyone but you...not gonna happen

They'd get "the look, we all know "the look" (I'm going to get him him to change for me, because I'm different and the rules don't apply to me)

Within a short period of time I'd find myself out drinking because I was afraid to come home, there was someone always waiting there to yell at me, for the very same reasons she liked me and came home with me in the first place...so I'd find somebody new, someone who was nice to me, someone who was loving and gentle, and the third date would come, and there would be "the look", followed by "the talk"...oh GAWD here I am AGAIN!!!!" I would think, it was all very confusing...

I remember lamenting " I have only ever had one girlfriend, sometimes she was tall, sometimes she was short, sometimes she has blond hair, sometimes brunette, but it's the same girl over and over, they all seemed different in the beginning and then turned into this shrewish harpy, were they crazy before I met them or did I make them that way?"

They'd yell, scream, cajole, hit me, beg, cry, and at first I wouldn't change, later on when I wanted to, I couldn't change, they'd always make a ruckus but they were always there to rescue me....and then punish me and torture me unmercifully for my transgresssions, if you looked up "designated patient" in the dictionary, there was my picture

Eventually I got sober, stopped sleeping around, but for years I kept -STILL- dating this awful protoype, "you need to quit drinking" was replaced by "you need to get a job", so I did, then it was "you're a slob, you need to clean up after yourself", so I became an anal neat freak, then it was "you need to go back to school", so I did, I called that period of my life "jumping through the moving target of ever decreasing diameter" and I remember standing in front of my girlfriend at 3 years of sobriety, I had become everything she ever wanted and she was unhappier with me then ever, , I remember telling her, "it's not me anymore, I have done everything you ever wanted" then watched as she had complete nervous breakdown

As time went on, each girl I dated was a slightly more evolved version of the last, as I grew healthier, so did my partners, then I had a partner who displayed the same characteristics, but was willing to grow and change, was willing to go to therapy, was willing to "own her part" and it was incredibly healing for both of us, a great learning experience

As Melody relates in her book, I still didn't like codies, I had a LOT of resentment, or as Hunter S Thompson put it, "Fear and Loathing", these people terrified me, but as Melody also related there came a day when I lost my life by focusing on someone else's, an alcoholic who had been involved in my entire life, someone who burned me so badly, who's manipulations cost me years of my life, my life savings, my company I had started, my home, my girlfriend, who made me so angry I swore to her I would never speak to her again, my last words to her were "You know "***" I have slept with a LOT of women, but I have NEVER been F****** like you F***** me" and I walked away, never to speak to her again

She was an alcoholic, known by many names to many people, Carlini, Carla, etc, but the name I called her was different, I called her "mom"

At first I stood in front of her and used all my tools of recovery, I stated my boundaries, I spoke my truth, I communicated from my heart, I told her my needs...it got worse...then I started yelling, getting angry, started trying to manipulate the situation, and it got worse, finally I was standing in front of her screaming "do you see me? do you see me? don't you see what you are doing to me????" and not only did it get worse, she threw me out, I had moved onto her property a few years before with the understanding if I ran her restaurant and supported her and her family, her husband, daughter, and granddaughter until she retired, she'd sign over the restaurant and land to me to be eventually given to her grandaughter, I sold my business, built (started building) a little house, and worked for peanuts, basically food and board and my paycheck for 2 weeks was less then I was used to making in a day, so she doubled my hours, and cut my pay in half, so I was forced to live on my savings

She then decided she changed her mind, she was keeping the restaurant to sell it, she was keeping the house I built (her husband was actually) and she wanted me gone, as they took the house they were like wow it's nice, we almost feel bad taking it from you...it had cost me my entire life savings including the sale from my business

by the time I left I was hostile, controlling, manipulative, indirect, guilt producing, difficult to communicate with, and more, I was living on couchs jobless, homeless, my stuff under a friends porch, I lost everything, including my sanity

I was insane, with rage, I was so twisted I couldn't even see straight, I got involved in a relationship where all my character defects were brought out to flourish, it was amazing, myself and the woman I was seeing brought out the very worse in each other, I'd say "I have never had a relationship like this, I have never acted like this, I have never felt this way, this must be your fault" and she said the same thing, we fed each others character defects crack then let fly with blame, fingerpointing, we'd analyze each others faults to the nth degree then do things to bring out worse faults

I was spiraling out of control, I was insane, it was far and away the worse time in my life, I am still scarred by this, I hide in my house, afraid to try something new for fear I will lose everything again, I am lazy for fear I will lose everything again, every day is a struggle to move forward, I lost my zest for life and all my energy, my joie di vivre or whatever them french call it, the joy of life was gone, in other words,
Sine qua non: an indispensable and essential action, condition, or ingredient. It was originally a Latin legal term for "(a condition) without which it could not be" or "but for..." or "without which (there is) nothing.
It's been a long slow climb back, I tried Alanon for awhile but wanted something a little more solution based, I'm here to change me, not bitch about the alcoholic in my life, hell I'm the alcoholic in my life, and I learned I didn't cause this, I can't control it, and I can't cure it lol hehe and the truth is -for me- I had to cull and sift through so much to get little tidbits of "solution", and my primary response was "Jesus lady, no wonder he never comes home and drinks, I'd be drunk all the time and hide in the garage too if I had to listen to you yammer" so it Alanon wasn't a good fit for me, I DO however have to point out I have met people in Alanon that are wizards as much as anyone I ever met doing AA or tibetan buddhism or whatever, it IS a path, but it triggers too many "F YOU!!!" responses in me to be a good fit, so here I am, a few years later, I have come a LONG way, I feel I have caught up and surpassed my earlier "Recovery High water mark" but there are things I see now, that I never could either see before, or maybe had the courage to face, I don't know, but things I want to uncover, as Chuck C puts it, recovery is just uncover, discover, and discard, there's some things I want to learn, and some things I want to discard, because I never want to be in a relationship with someone where one of the dynamics is "punish and torture" Andrew ever again, I don't want to be attracted to that type of person, I want to know how to set and enforce healthy boundaries, I want to be able to walk away if necessary, to grow if necessary, and mostly I want to put down the magnifyiong glass and pick up the mirror

-- Edited by LinBaba on Monday 14th of March 2011 10:57:57 AM

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PS She comes full circle and describes why they had each of these attributes, controlling because their lives were out of control, manipulative because a direct approach didn't work, bitter because who wouldn't be bitter after whta they had gone through and so on, my hope is that I approach this with a two pronged approach, to uncover my character defects, and learn where I got them, at some point in my life they were tools for survival, and as such nothing to be ashamed of, they were "learned behaviors" in the parlance, and secondly to apply "cognitive therapy" to situations, instead of this, try this, in many cases I have learned just discovering a character defect makes it go away, and in others, they are more firmly entrenched, I discover them but aren't ready to let them go, or don't know a healthy alternative, so I am looking forward to finding healthy alternatives, and between this and the step study, discover what tools don't work for me any more, and set them aside without guilt and shame, because IMO this is a guilt and shame and fear based thing, these feed the problem, these feed the solution, what I discovered is my mental "illnesses" as it were, my mental "unhealth" are like mushrooms, they floursih if left in the dark and fed s**T (in other words, kept secret and me applying my old/own thinking to solve them" however if uncovered and light shone on them, they frequently go away by themselves, that is my experience anyway

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As I read through the Introduction, I was struck by how many times the author points to how codependents are focused on others. For instance: "Most codependents were obsessed with other people. With great precision and detail, they could recite long lists of the addict's deeds and misdeeds: what he or she thought, felt, did, and said; and what he or she didn't think, feel, do, and say.... Yet these codependents who had such great insight into others couldn't see themselves. They didn't know what they were feeling. They weren't sure what they thought. And they didn't know what, if anything, they could do to solve their problems -- if, indeed, they had any problems other than the alcoholics."

This idea really resonates with me. As a child, I kept tabs on my parents' moods, because for me, that was the best way to determine how I should act, what I could expect in terms of attention (negative or positive/hyper-focused or totally ignoring), and ultimately how I would feel that day. I learned that whatever my own feelings/ideas/desires might be just didn't count, because those didn't affect how my day went nearly as much as what was up with mom and dad. That became my way of relating to people close to me in the world. When I went off to college, I co-dependently attached to my freshman roommate, and for four years, allowed her dysfunction to impact and at times overtake my world. (Twenty years later, we have reconnected and are now both in AA and sometimes go to meetings together.) After college, I co-dependently attached to a succession of boyfriends and friends until I found the most messed up one who needed the most help, and I married him.

On the other side of a bad marriage and with a little sobriety under my belt, I've somehow managed to learn how to develop a healthy relationship with a man. But I still haven't learned how to steer clear of dysfunction. My family is an endless source of dysfunction, but I've learned that I can ignore my family when things get ugly. And I've cut down on dysfunctional friends by basically having only long distance friends who keep their problems to themselves for the most part. So you'd think I'd be feeling pretty healthy and working hard on "Letting go and letting God." Instead I get all wrapped up in the dysfunction at work. It's as if I have to have SOME dysfunction to obsess on.

Another way the author writes about this theme is when she says, "I saw people who had gotten so absorbed in other people's problems they didn't have time to identify or solve their own."

When I read that, I was struck with the idea that maybe I'm focusing on others' problems so I can justify not doing the hard, scary work of identifying and solving my own problems? Gaining control of my life seems way harder than I thought when I first got sober (which I guess is why I'm here).

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I remember years ago, in my early 20's, my first wife had a book on codependents. She was suffering from the affects of prolonged exposure to me. I was the passed out on the front porch drunk half covered in snow who couldn't make it in the door, that promised I wouldn't drink and would be home 10 hours earlier. In my perception she was..." hostile, controlling, manipulative, indirect, guilt producing, difficult to communicate with, disagreeable, and sometimes downright hateful."  She didn't understand me. I didn't understand me. I have become her. I identify with Melody right from the first page.

When I met my first wife, I was not drinking, and was treating my alcoholism with church,( didn't know I had alcoholism ) and it was working somewhat at the time. When she married me, she told me that her dad had just drank him self to death, right after the Dr's told him if he drank again he would die. Then a few years into our marriage, I start to drink and take up where I left off before I met her, and for all intense purposes, my wife's dad showed up. How could she be anything but those things. How could she not get on the merry-go round. Its what she knew her whole life, and didn't even know it. That marriage ended after 10 years in a sick twisted mess of abuse, adultery, untreated alcoholism, and what I know can see as codependency,all of which was a two way street. 

 I did not grow up in an alcoholic home, nor was there any real large scale abuse in my home. So I cant blame anything on that. In all my relationships, except for the present one, I have been the alcoholic, sometimes wet sometimes dry sometimes sober. I can see that in all of them though, I have been codependent and I have been dysfunctional all my life, reacting to life on the skills and beliefs that were instilled in me from day one. I think that the relationship with the woman in my life who is alcoholic, and been struggling with staying sober, did not make me a sick codependent, but had just amplified my defects in this area to a place that is off the charts. Its always been there, Its just brought me to the jumping off place. She has been my newest teacher. 10 years of involved AA has helped me in monumental proportions, but was not designed to reach the depths of the cause's and conditions that have brought me to my knees in hopelessness once more.

I too have been to al anon, and still go. for about a year ( six months as not just a visitor ). At the beginning I started to buy into the phrase and got some mileage out of, " MADE sick by someone else's drinking "  but have found it hard to swallow the last few months. The al anon group here in Reno is strong and solution oriented, but inside I know that " the alcoholic in my life " is not what is wrong with me and that it goes far deeper then just alcoholism. There are a lot of useful tools in al anon and I will continue to go, but I am so filled with hope in finding and being able to see the codependent recovery angle. 

My book codependent no more has not come in the mail yet, but I have read  the intro and the preface off of amazon, and I see me all over it. I'm filled with hope and excitement at what I have already read. I want to change so that I do not loose my self in the relationship, and can live happy and whole as a true partner. I no longer can sit in the " black abyss " of rage, bitterness, hatred, fear, depression, helplessness, despair, and guilt. I am starting to have as melody states a passionate interest in this subject of codependency.  I have been reading Robert Burney's web site, author of codependency: the dance of the wounded souls, and he does not talk so much about the codependency that comes from alcoholism as he talks about the core issues that come from our parents, who were taught from their parents and on and on. The deeply ingrained belief system that has us trapped in the codependent cycles. one of the things he talks about is being an emotional vampire, that all codependents are, some are aggressiveand some are passive. He talks about it as being dysfunctional with self, and there by, with everything else in life. It reminds me of the actor running the whole show. I am really looking forward to this journey here with this book study and the step study. I will be doing the steps as we go. Good things are on the horizon.
   
 


 





-- Edited by billyjack on Tuesday 15th of March 2011 10:27:01 AM

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There is so much I want to say, but I feel overwhelmed at the thought of it all.

So I'm just going to start with this: a childhood memory.

I guess I was about 8 or 9 years old. But I could have been anything from about 4 upwards. No older than 9.

It was a winter's evening. It was dark outside.  I was in the kitchen. So was my mother and much older sister.

My father, by the way, was an alcoholic. When he drank, he got violent and psychotic.

Back to the kitchen.  I was standing alone feeling very scared, lonely and not knowing what to do. What scared me was not my father, because  I couldn't see him, and I couldn't hear him. I was scared by the behaviour of my mother and sister. They were in a huddle together - they had a secret between them. I didn't know what it was. But I was scared of them. They looked very,very worried and cross. They said nothing. They were sort of crouched close to the back door.  I didn't know what was wrong. They didn't tell me. In fact they didn't notice me. I was too scared to ask them what was wrong.  If I did bring attention to myself, they would be angry at me.  I had to make up my own explanation for being scared. Like most kids I had a good imagination.  I thought there must be a monster outside. I stayed out of the way, and shut down my feelings. I couldn't manage them on my own. So I shut down, and became emotionally disabled.

Thanks for reading this.


Newlight





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Yes, having a chronically alcoholic mother, I would be in situations where we'd be at my Aunts house for instance - For Thanksgiving or whatever. The adults would kind of whisper in a huddle. I knew they were talking about my mother. But, didn't know what they were saying. Trying to keep the elephant a secret, so to speak. I now have this photograph, someone took it on my mothers birthday. I was probably 8. I was given this photo just a few years ago (by another relative, my mother has since died). In the photo she is sitting with her head in her hands. Drunk, I'm sure. I'm next to her, I look scared. fingers in my mouth and all. It was an eye opener as an adult to see the little girl frozen in time with that "look".



-- Edited by Alizerin on Wednesday 16th of March 2011 07:35:01 AM

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Ah, here's that picture. Head not in her hands. But you get the idea. 

Here I am, as a budding codependent! wink.gif




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Hi all wasn't sure if I should get the book as I'm very broke, but I think I really need this right now so ordered it today. May not arrive in time for chapter 1, but I'll catch up, have the feeling I won't be able to put it down... Looking forward to reading and discussing it!

Twyla xxx

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 Mine haven't come yet either. you can read some of it on line.

The Codependent's Guide to the Twelve Steps"
http://www.amazon.com/Codependents-Guide-Twelve-Melody-Beattie/dp/0671762273/ref=pd_sim_b_3#reader_0671762273

codependent no more
http://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1299287252&sr=1-1#reader_0894864025


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Hi, everyone:

I have been dropping in at the Al Anon board for about 8 months or so, and I am so glad you have started this co-dependent board.  I couldn't resist joining this discussion because this book absolutely changed my life.

My H of 22 years is the alcoholic in my life.  In about January of 2010, when he was in the worst period of his disease, I read this book.  The scales fell from my eyes!  I truly did not have any idea that I was becoming completely wrapped up and enmeshed in his illness.  My entire life was spent trying to figure out what was wrong with him and fix it.  I lost all sense of self.  My moods depended completely on his.  I would go into a panic when I would call him on the way home only to hear the slurring in his voice that told me he was drinking.  What is so shocking is that I didn't know what I didn't know -- before reading Codependent No More.

I read this book well before I ever went to Al Anon, and for me this book was the beginning of my recovery.  I began to learn to DETACH.  I can't say I detached all that lovingly at that time, but for me, I needed to detach in any way possible if I was going to survive emotionally.  Denial slowly started to give way, though not completely.  Eventually, when I asked him to go to a recovery program, he did in June 2010, and he's been sober since July 5, 2010.

I started in Al Anon in August 2010, and understanding codependency, together with working through Al Anon, have improved my life more than I ever dared to hope.


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