It's okay to be doing okay and to feel like our life is manageable and on track.
Many of us have learned, as part of our survival behaviors, that the way to get the attention and approval we want is to be victims. If life is awful, too difficult, unmanageable, too hard, unfair, then others will accept, like, and approve of us, we think.
We may have learned this from living and associating with people who also learned to survive by being a victim.
We are not victims. We do not need to be victimized. We do not need to be helpless and out of control to get the attention and love we desire. In fact, the kind of love we are seeking cannot be obtained that way.
We can get the love we really want and need by only owning our power. We learn that we can stand on our own two feet, even though it sometimes feels good to lean a little. We learn that the people we are leaning on are not holding us up. They are standing next to us.
We all have bad days -- days when things are not going the way we'd like, days when we have feelings of sadness and fear. But we can deal with our bad days and darker feelings in ways that reflect self-responsibility rather than victimization.
It's okay to have a good day too. We might not have as much to talk about, but we'll have more to enjoy.
God, help me let go of my need to be a victim. Help me let go of my belief that to be loved and get attention I need to be a victim. Surround me with people who love me when I own my power. Help me start having good days and enjoying them.
A very familiar role, and our biqqest obstacle. Fear needs a boqqyman, villain, and a victim. When trouble strikes ( or our mind invents it), how quickly we reach for these. Don't look for trouble, if it ain't broke, don't fix it, and if somethinq does qo wronq, put your enerqy into lookinq for the solution. I used to qo throuqh life with the fear of failure shadowinq over me. I sabotaqed my success because I thouqht failure was inevitable, so I spent my time lookinq for excuses and others to blame, which of course made me the victim. Later I found this to be a copinq mechanism/behavior I learned from one parent and used it with the other perfectionist parent that I could never do anythinq well enouqh for. Today, I'm my own lovinq parent who kindly motivates me to be successful, and most of all, keep movinq forward. Love yourself, nuture yourself, it's an inside job.
As a child I was a genuine victim. I was badly abused by the family, and frequently sexually assaulted. As a nine year old, I know now that I was not responsible for the behaviour of a grown man.
Untill I found out I had a choice - and I had NO choice as a child - untill I understood what that meant, and untill I got some help, I was still a victim. I believe, if you don't know you've got a choice, then you haven't got a choice.
For years I lived my life as a Victim, and didn't have a clue. Denial.
Mercifully I found places to go where I got help, but it took many years, to even begin to come out of denial. Now I start to see my part in my problems.
Now I can also see how Victims are also very much Perpetrators. It took me ages to see this. But for myself as a Victim, and this I learned from my original family of Victims, The Guilt Trip was my way of exacting revenge. I am learning to recognise when someone is doing a guilt trip to me.
I was, and can still very much be, extremely vulnerable and susceptible to guilt trips. Thankfully I now have some recovery and hope to keep recovering.
I am also becoming assertive, as opposed to passive aggressive, or as I call it, the Angry Doormat. I am also discovering how to set healthy boundaries.
