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Post Info TOPIC: Judging Others


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Judging Others
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Now this is a topic that has been rolling around in my head for a VERY long time.  I would love to start a discussion about it.

We judge others - it is inevitable.  We HAVE to, to protect ourselves and to make good, healthy decisions.  We make judgements continuously throughout our days - things we like and don't like.

I want to STOP judging others from a "less than" or "better than" perspective.  I want to stop judging others from a "they are right" or "they are wrong" perspective.  I have every right and SHOULD judge what works for me in my life.  I can like and dislike things.  But I want to lose some of my ego and fear around others. 

If I am feeling the "better than or they are wrong" I look down my nose at them.  If I am feeling fear or "less than" I usually become filled with worry that I am not enough and make decisions in that relationship that harm me.

I just have no idea how to do it.  Well, that is not true.  I am working on it.  When I feel the fear, pride, ego take over I tell myself "they are no better or worse than you and it is not your place to judge".  Now perhaps this is effecting my actions - but it isn't working really well on making the feeling go away.  Perhaps after more practice it will work on my insides AND my outsides.

Thoughts?

Thanks for letting me share.

Linistea



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I have this talk with myself fairly reqularly. It feels qood when I can stop myself in mid judqement.

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Dean


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I used to be such a snob, one of my favorite topics of conversation was how the rest of the world was full of a**holes and idiots. Of course, the next minute, I felt hopelessly inferior. I was/am a classic egomaniac with an inferiority complex.

I think I am mostly like Dean now, I often catch myself. I often think of what Eckhart Tolle wrote, "Who is seeing the ego in them? The ego in ME." Which is not unlike what my sponsor always said, "Take someone else's inventory, deb, and you're taking your own".

 As for the know-it-all in me, my favorite story in the BB reminds me that I just don't know what's best for anyone... heck, I don't even know what's best for me. Helps me to remember to step back into my own circle.

I notice much more peace when I practice equanimity.

EDIT:  I just remembered, I once had a therapist who stopped me during a session to say, "You're quite the crap-sniffer, aren't you?"  Yea, I don't want to be THAT anymore.



-- Edited by gladlee on Friday 25th of March 2011 10:12:15 AM

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jj


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oh my gosh!

  what an eye opener....  "crapsniffer" is very suitable.   thank you for this post.  my ego wants to feel superior, and will seek, pointing out (sniffing out) others 'crap' ...  how nasty.   thanks again.



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Let go
Let God


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As an alcoholic my default setting is the ability to look down on others from the lofty perch of face down in the gutter

Like the chinese or English Nobility of old, not just look down on others but know in every fiber of my being I am superior to them

I, in short, am an elitist snob, with I might mention, no basis in fact or reality

The greatest gift of being in a 12 step program was permission to be average, my father still is the most elitist man I have ever met, and he POUNDED that crap into me

I remember once we were in town, he's wearing raggedy shorts, a white T-shirt, and logging boots, now he's a sculptor of some small reknown but he lives in someones barn for crying out loud, but we look as this immaculately primped incredibly beautiful, elegant, and fit woman step out of her 200,000 dollar convertible wearing her furs he says "thats how I always thought your mother would turn out, not the way she did"

I mean this guy looks like a F'ing wandering tinker for crying out loud but sees himself with this Sophia Loren type in a Rolls for crying out loud....

Jesus wept

It took a lot of trips through the steps and doing and hearing a lot of fifth steps for that to let the grip of it's vicious claws on me, because when I listened to these fifth steps I finally understood one's "story" is only important because it's "mine", all I ever heard was the same story over and over, and every one of em was delusional, so finally learned mine must be delusional too.

made me start thinking about the whole "special and unique" thing we have going on, billions of people all running around, thinking "I am a unique and beautiful snowflake" and thinking to myself after some years in AA, "I am finally just like all of you....and that makes me....unique"

You ever heard your story? like spot on?

I did.....although I was an alcoholic, I was a special alcoholic, and although the rules applied, for me, there was a bend in the space time continuum because I really was special, even as an alcoholic in AA...

So I was at this Mens Stag on Birthday night, maybe 10 years into the deal, and "toofless Shane" got up to share, he was below average in looks, talent, and never had a car, and if he got a double wide he was living above his means, he was missing half his teeth and had no game but with another ten years of sobriety, maybe some dental work, and a decent haircut he could aspire to white trash status (these are all my judgments right?)

He opens his mouth and I come out, all my arrogance and stupidity, all my pride and specialness, literally verbatim, I'm sitting there reeling except I am thinking to myself he has no reason to feel this vast superiority and pride, this vast uniqueness, these special feelings of entitlement, all the things I deserved because of my special talents, wit, IQ, rugged good looks and raw sex appeal....

Messed me up for weeks and changed who I was and how I viewed myself, I had been completely unaware I had been secretly carrying around this vast ego, this pride filled ballon, this secret great opinion of myself and the overwhelming double standard, literally unaware until I heard it come out of someone else's mouth.....and the truth was, I was just as entitled as him to have this vast great opinion of myself....

which was zero, divided by 2

I always heard about hearing my own story, but when it happened to me I was ASTOUNDED, because I expected Brad Pitt or George Cloony to tell my story, but instead it was toofless Shane the bottom dweller, his interior life was identical to mine.

 

Talk about a humbling experience.

 



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@ jj.......... me being a crap-sniffer is like a dog trying to determine if she's the big dog or little dog.... who's more important.....who's superior/inferior, who's the plus/minus..... For me, it's usually a quick mental assessment of what you're wearing, what you're driving, what your profession is, how big your ass and boobs are compared to mine, whether you're married or not .....after my divorce, my brain told me I was an enormous Minus to any woman wearing a wedding band on her finger... my ego was.....is.......constantly crap-sniffing.  Damn.  Thank YOU for the post.



-- Edited by gladlee on Friday 25th of March 2011 12:21:29 PM



-- Edited by gladlee on Friday 25th of March 2011 12:53:03 PM

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"See the work.  Do the work.  Stay out of misery."  -Maharishi

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