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Post Info TOPIC: independance


Senior Member

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Posts: 170
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independance
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Hi everyone,

I really do feel I have hit my rock bottom!!!

I went to doctors yesterday because I am off work with a chest infectio I ended up breaking down my mother was with me and I let it out how big old strong Tracy just is not coping. I questioned when I got home  my behavior its like I need support I nee help but there just does not seem to be much then I get angrey because I would always be the first to help others. I think I was using my ABFs life and poblems to run from my own.  He is sober and becoming indpeendent he wants a break because I need to do the same we are in early recover and our relationship is unhealthy.  I just did not realise how much i relied on him emotionally ( I know I should be turning to memebers from my fellowships)  .  I think my HP is telling me I  need to focus on making my life manageable.

I have gone to the doctors, I booked some time off work, I plan to sit kids down and ask for more help around the house.  My mind is all over the place at the moment finding it really hard to get back into the day and work my programme.  I am going to a coda meeting tonight.  I know i have to through myself into my fellowships and look after me, but I am scared of being alone its like I can ony succeed when I have a partner even if they are not much support i hate being on my own but when someone loves me I can climb a mountain.  How do I learn to be o.k alone.  I am 41 I was with my first husband 17 years fron 17-34 and have been with my ABF for six years.  I guess its a leap of faith I have no other choice I know what I have to do.  I can not have a relationship due to my shortcomings so I need to be alone and sort myself out.

thanks for letting me vent hopefully once I pull myself up again I can be more productive to the site. hugs

have just read some posts on here and had an awakening to my own unacceptale behavior my partner is trying for the first time to take care of himself and i have turned into the victim tring to cary on the unhealthy dance.  Thanks HP I know you have brought me to the right place for me.



-- Edited by tracy on Wednesday 6th of April 2011 04:32:10 AM



-- Edited by tracy on Wednesday 6th of April 2011 04:57:42 AM

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Senior Member

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Posts: 105
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Hi Tracy,

I can relate to your feelings in your post.  I only found this forum a short time ago, but know how helpful it's been for me to find it.   What I'm beginning to understand is that when I'm able to have compassion for myself, things start to feel different.  When I'm able to see that I am where I am, and I'm doing the best I can, I can somehow let go of all the struggle.  

Someone said to me once, "Be gentle with yourself".  I try to follow that thought when I remember to.

Freya   



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Freya



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Hi Tracy,

 

You are not unusual. I have spent my whole life defining myself by my relationships (which have never been healthy or satisfying). I have been terrified of being alone. I am 46 and literally forcing myself to live alone for at least a year so that I can learn the coping skills that are necessary to rely on myself and not try to derive my self-worth and value from other people. It's hard. What I have come to realize though is that I may not be the alcholic, but I do indeed have an addiction...I am addicted to other people.

 

Please know that you've come to the right place and you have support here.



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