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Post Info TOPIC: Holding on to hope and faith, praying for peace and clarity.


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Posts: 6
Holding on to hope and faith, praying for peace and clarity.

I've been in recovery(this time) for over two years.  I've seen the changes in me and my life as a result of the program, and am soooo grateful to be here.

Found out yesterday that there are "multiple" blood clots in my leg, and was crushed again.  In the past 2 months I've had two surgeries and was hospitalized for five days.  It seem as though, everytime I start to crawl up off the ground that I get sucker punched and knocked back down. Each time it is harder and harder to get back up but I refuse to lie there, I refuse to give up.

Lying in that hospital bed, I was as powerless as could be, still am.  I can get up and do what ever I like with no one none the wiser but I'd be risking my life and my son's future, so I force myself to be still, and in being still I am forced to face my thoughts.

I am looking hard at my life and trying to see the different changes I can make to make it less stressful and more fun filled and HP'd.  I've decided to downsize and find good homes for some of my animals, as I can't keep up with them and it's not fair for them.  I'm having someone come in and clean and "catch my household chores back up"  And have learned that it's ok to say "no" or "i need..." or I want....But it still feel weird to "take care of myself".  I still get physically sick when I set a boundary or stand my ground.  The people pleaser in me wants everyone to be happy like always, even if that means I am miserable, but thanks to the program I know that it's ok to put the oxygen mask on myself first. 

I found out even more bad news yesterday-health wise-and it was funny how calm I was about it, and excepting it....and just trusting that my HP has brought me to this place to love me and move me forward, and I believe as much as I do that my HP brought me to it to see me through it.  I've been blessed with many amazing selfless people in my life and know in my heart that my HP is ALWAYS there, even when I feel scare and alone.

So today I am holding onto hope and faith, and praying foe peace and clarity of HP's will for me only...

Thanks for letting me HP whom I choose to call God~is great...

Just for today


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