In the past month, I have been dating two different men, the first relationships since my divorce over three years ago. I met my husband when I was 17, never been with another man until a weekend fling last summer, a man from the other side of the planet. (I had to include that because there is a lil' catholic girl in me accusing me of being a slut.) So, to suddenly have two local men (from eHarmony) arrive on the same day was very unusual. It seemed to me, the Universe was up to something.
Well, one relationship has ended today. This is the one that was soo exciting, the one that has been an emotional roller coaster ride, with extreme ups and downs on a near daily basis. Yep, I'm used to that. I do it well.
We went to dinner last night... turned out to be one big cluster bomb, and I regret painting my toe nails for this. I am soo grateful to this board, for reminding me to watch out for feelings of disrespect, I sure saw it last night.
Unfortunately, I am still the type who needs time to process, I often don't recognize when I've been (verbally) stabbed.... not that I would do anything about it because I am too afraid of confrontation.
I woke up knowing I would break up with him today, however he got to it first. He sent me a text to break up, but not without taking my effing inventory. I did not respond until I felt I could avoid throwing a sh*t load of grenades! I had already done my inventory at 4 am last night.. I could see this relationship was very reminiscent of my marriage... I was beginning to doubt myself and lose the self-confidence a 12-step program and my Higher Power have been building. I phoned my sponsor before I replied, she has always taught me "restraint of pen and tongue" and I was having a hard time not addressing him as, "Dear mother --------" (sorry, not perfect here)
Anyway, I just want to thank everyone here for the support. In my heart I want to be a woman of grace and dignity and you are helping me to do that.
I want to throw it out to the Universe/Higher Power that I am grateful for how gentle You have been with me through this lesson... to bring two men on the same day, one man offering what I am very familiar with... the other man.... drama-free. I was not as attracted to that, don't know how to actually do that. But I am willing to learn.
Thanks for reading. Thanks for the support.
-- Edited by gladlee on Tuesday 19th of April 2011 04:40:31 PM
__________________
"See the work. Do the work. Stay out of misery." -Maharishi
Lessons are a wonderful things and having goals such as grace and dignity are beautiful. I too have them and miss the mark more than I would like.
The point is to keep trying . . .
Thank you so much for coming and sharing with us and your honesty. I would love to hear what you come up with after you have had some time to sit with this.
For now, go run through the grass barefoot with those cute little painted toes!
