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Post Info TOPIC: Book Study: Codependent No More - Chapter 4


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Book Study: Codependent No More - Chapter 4
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Codependent Characteristics

There are many characteristics of codependency and it makes it difficult to agree on a definition, but it seems we can all identify with each other is some way.  The things that make us codependent do not mean we are bad, they are just learned behavior whether by our parents, society, or even our religion.  Often times they are developed to protect ourselves, but eventually turn into behaviors that hurt us.

We want change, we can change.  First we need to become aware and then we need to accept the things about ourselves that we want to work on.  The author has put together a list of Codependent behaviors/attributes.  Below are the major categories and for those of you going along with the book study you can see the individual behaviors for each in your reading.

Caretaking

Low Self-Worth

Repression

Obsession

Controlling

Denial

Dependency

Poor Communication

Weak Boundaries

Lack of Trust

Anger

Sex problems

Miscellaneous

Progressive

It is up to us to decide if we are codependent and what we need to change.  "Codependency is a lot of things.  It is dependency on people - on their moods, behaviors, sickness or well-being, and their love.  It is a paradoxical dependency.  Codependents appear to be depended upon, but they are dependent.  They look strong but feel helpless.  They appear controlling but in reality are controlled themselves, sometimes by an illness such as alcoholism."

Recovery from codependency can be fun and exciting.  We get to be ourselves, we get to be free.  We can let others be themselves.  We change by focusing on one thing - ourselves.

Activities

1.  Go through he checklist in this chapter.  Mark each characteristic with a 0 if it is never a problem for you.  Mark the characteristic with a 1 if it is occasionally a problem.  And mark it with a 2 if it is frequently a problem.  Later, in another chapter, you will use this to establish goals.  You may wish to use it now as a guide to the chapters you want to read.

2.  How do you feel about changing yourself?  What do you think would happen if you began to change?  Do you think you can change?  Why or why not?  Write several paragraphs answering these questions.



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This was a really educational chapter for me.  I have been studying and working on my codependence now for over 2 years so with this list I did a Then and Now.  I can clearly see the areas where I have had improvement and those that I still need to work on.  My first thought was ... hey, if we are having the cosmo quiz - where is the rating system?  If I am supposed to number these, how do I stand in the end with the number staring at me?

Well - I did the math for each section.  I counted the number of items listed and the worst it could be is x2....right?  So more toward the max number is undesirable, more towards zero is good.  Then, for me, I looked at my improvement - and a LOT of them went down 50%.  Very pleased but realise there is still more work to do.  So, below I am putting the totals so others don't have to do the math as well, if you are interested.  The number I am listing is the worst case scenario (you marked 2 on ALL of them) and zero (which is am not listing) is good.  I am going to put my #'s just for fun Before/After x/y


SectionWorst Case ScenarioMy Score Before/After
Caretaking  5032/15
Low Self Worth6633/16
Repression66/3
Obsession2614/0 (woo hoo)
Controlling1614/8
Denial3019/6
Dependency5226/4
Poor Communication6844/34
Weak Boundaries1614/7
Lack of Trust146/3
Anger3224/15
Sex Problems3619/10
Misc.2821/14
Progressive2417/4

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So I figure 50% I should seriously take a look at these things and 75% I am officially suffering.  Under 50% - needs improvement.  Most I have improved at least 50% on what they were so I am thrilled.  But, I can clearly see there are still areas to work on - Poor Communication and Anger need some attention.

I really enjoyed this excercise.

Linistea



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I have all of them and they increase and decrease in severity depending on the situation and the person.  Hopefully I am getting better at managing it, but I know where to go when I need help!



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Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.   ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ~St. Francis of Assisi



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bumped for Lady bug

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Thank you for posting this.  It is very helpful. 



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