Hey all, i have been fishing around trying to figure out your forum. i guess there are no sub-forums and everyone just posts here? Anywho.... I am 32, mother of 5 but i try to mother everyone and save them from everything. I have known for a long time that i am codependent. as my second marriage is coming to an end, i realize that obviously i am not better. if anything i am worse. my husband was not an alcoholic but was addicted to many things over the course of our marriage. i took on the care-taking role for the family. made sure the bills were paid and limited his access to the money so that we would have money for food for the month etc. he moved out 3 weeks ago and i was finally able to detach somewhat. seeing a counselor, going to alanon. He has told me that i'm crazy, bipolar, unstable. the last one, i can't deny. i was making myself crazy trying to control everyone and everything. that's pretty much it in a nutshell.
Hi Momofall, welcome to the board. It's good to have you here. You're right, there aren't any sub-forums and everyone posts here. I have found this board and the support I find here invaluable in helping me to deal with the co-dependency issues I have. Thanks for your share. Freya
First, welcome to the board. We are glad you are here.
I might uncover more about my controlling side this time through the steps - but I don't see where I do a lot of controlling (I hope). What I have a problem with is accepting people for who they are. I might not say my opinion, I might not start many sentences with "You should..." or "You need to.." but I sure judge like a fiend.
All I can do is practice and try to identify with people and realize that a lot of the things I judge I do myself. I have to be constantly aware. I need to be more empathetic.
As for trying to control and save people - I have always been 100% in favor of letting people suffer their own consequences - unfortunately not with much sympathy - especially if it is an overly repeated mistake.
I had to learn by doing, making mistakes, and taking care of myself. If I can do it - so can everyone else.
But maybe like me judging - practicing and being aware of the behavior - you can try the same with the controlling. Just a thought.
glad you are here! there has been book studies here, if you look at older posts you can see which book is being read and enter the discussions. but we are here to support each other and learn to recognize sick behaviors and work the steps. i am in my second marriage (to a 2nd control freak) and am learning the only person i can change is me. if i change me, he has to recognize something has changed, so his behaviors begin to change. but the only person i am truly responsible for is me. my HP helps me everyday, i just have to be willing to see my sickness and let it go. welcome to our group. hugs, jj/sheila