I am new to this site, as well as to the realization that I am co dependent. Looking at myself and beginning to make changes in what I see, thus far has been a back and forth effort! i realize that just because I intend to, and have a desire to change things is not quite so simple.... i was wonderingif any one has advice or even experience with the old and new colliding in your quest for healing? I have noticed once that my thirst for "fixing" my co dependence, has been overcome with my old way of thinking as well as the actions that follow this thinking. How do I even begin to set boundries?
First things first. You're here and that a great place to start. You can begin by reading some of the posts that interest you.
Next is some reading. Below is a link to CoDA where you can purchase the official CoDA book, or if you have a local meeting you can get liteature there too. You can find meetings through the CoDa home page (second link below).
http://www.coda.org/core/index.php
http://www.coda.org/index12.php
It takes a while for the literature to arrive through the mail, so if you have a local meeting near enough to attend, that will be the best place to visit both for a meeting and to get a "Blue Book", the CoDA book.
Third, is you might visit your local library and you can do a seach on "Codependent" or "Codependency" and see what's on the shelf. This is not "official literature" but there are some very good books, and I can recommend several written by Melody Beattie. They'll be at the library.
So keep posting and reading here, go to a local meeting if one is available, get the "Blue Book" Codependents Anonymous, and find some other reading as well. If you can get to a local meeting you will be welcomed in and learn about how the program works. Eventually you'll find a sponsor who will help you work the program. You're in the right place.
hi Trudy and Mike, i am in recovery and learning that my business ends at the tip of my nose. i can only work on me, my problems, and my reactions... but need to stand up for myself when someone is abusive. if i give others my 'power,' so to speak, i have lost control of 'me' and blame them for my discomfort and hurt. setting boundaries takes a lot of trial and error to learn. it is not natural for co-dependents to take care of 'me' (i get worried about what others might think or feel.) i still have trouble figuring out what boundaries to set. but i was able to say "that behavior is unacceptable" to my spouse when he stepped over the line in how he was talking (screaming) at me. he blinked, kept on, and i said it again. he blinked and left the room. every day is a new experience and i try to stay positive. it felt good to take care of myself. jj/sheila
Taking care of myself by responding rather than reacting, is a good feeling, being able to have control over what I say and do has been a daily mental attempt. Staying aware that if I go into "my old ways",recognizing that in itself is a work in progress. Having my husband taking a step back and thinking before he reacts, has been a gift too. I will continue to pray, and read materials that will be of help to me, and focus on getting well, so that I can live a happy healrhy life, and if life happens to bring sorrow or pain the "new Me", will step back say the serenity prayer and take life on putting me first so that I can love and help myself and those around me. I wish all of you many blessing and great progress in this journey to healing.thank you for your words, they are a great inspiration as well as comfort
