My daughter is very special to me. She had my first grandchild a year ago, and I love that child so much.
But, my daughter often treats me cruel by a snide remark or other bahaviors.
The night before the 4th of July, my husband and I babysat our granddaughter so my daughter could g out with friends.
Anyway, the next morning we were going to get busy for a party and people were coming in three hours. My husband asked me after 9 am if my daughter called to come and get her little girl. I said no so he called her. When he came back to tell me she was upset, I called her. She said she was sound asleep when my husband called and that he was rude. She was crying and said she would be over for her daughter right away.
After she came and got her, I called her to ask if she was still coming to my party. My sister had bought the baby a 4th of July outfit and I thought she would like to see it on her. My daughter said they wouldn't be coming. I was very hurt. She kept saying she wouldn't be treated like she was on the phone.
Thursday night, I usually babysit so my daughter can go to college. I called her and she said because of the way things are she made other plans. Then she said she would drop her off if I wanted to watch her. I mentioned to my daughter that my friend had just died of cancer. She then said if you think things are ok cause I'm droppng the baby off, they're not. She then said she wasn't bringing her, and that she won't allow people to be mean to her anymore.
I said I was still hurt, and she said, when I stop playing the victim let her know. She said it's always about me and I don't care that she's hurt.
Meanwhile, I niss my granddaughter and I told my daughter I've done nothing wrong. And, that she is using the baby to hurt me. She doesn't care.
I have always given in to my daughter and never would hurt her.
I don't have any experience with your particular type of situation. Without additional details, it seems to be lack of communication on each of your parts about expectations for the visits with your gc. In the future, you could try to set specific drop off and pick up time in advance. I know in my family we tend to leave time arangements loose - "well just come whenever". That can lead to misunderstandings as whenever to party #1 is 10AM while to party#2 it is 12:00 just in time for lunch. Set the times and meal arrangements ahead of time (ie set the boundaries). I know that if you keep coming to the board, read some of the posts, that you will begin work things out to find some peace.
Hi Jazz, it is a hard place to be. the most important person in this situation is the grand baby. the only control we have is over our own mouths, our own reactions, our choice of action. your daughter is in charge of herself and the baby. sometimes all we can do is say, you are in charge of your baby, and whatever you decide will have to be ok. maybe your daughter is playing your emotions to feel like she is in charge. all you can do is 'not react', say ok, and let her know she can call back anytime, and say good bye. if you do not react it stops the cycle. waking your daughter up in the morning gave her fuel to the fire she has been carrying around in her since she became a Mom. she has a baby to answer to/care for, she doesn't want to continue to answer to her parents for her behavior. putting your grand baby first by not reacting to your daughter will calm the situation, and you may see your grand baby more often. going to CODA meetings or Al Anon meetings will help you see your part and how to take care of yourself. this is from my own experience, strength, and hope. love jj/sheila
