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Post Info TOPIC: Book Study: Codependent No More - Chapter 10


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Book Study: Codependent No More - Chapter 10

Chapter 10 - Live your own life

Live and let live. - Twelve Step program slogan

"If I make one point in this book, i hope it is that the surest way to make ourselves crazy is to get involved in other people's business, and the quickest way to become sane and happy is to tend to our own affairs."

The author discusses how after working the concepts discussed so far in this book she stopped blaming everyone else for her circumstances and took responsibility for herself.  She was left with alone with herself and that prospect looked pretty glum.  We are used to a life of pain and can't imagine that it will change, but it can, if we change.  Saying "we are taking care of ourselves" and using it in a way to control others or deny our problems is not what the author means for us to learn.  We need to learn to properly take care of ourselves and be responsible for our choices, our happiness, our treatment of ourselves and others - and how we allow others to treat us.  "Self-care is an attitude of mutual respect.  It means learning to live our lives responsibly.  It means allowing others to live their lives as they choose, as long as they don't interfere with our decisions to live as we choose."

The following chapters will discuss how to take care and give ourselves what we need.  This will be a new concept to many as we may have suppressed or denied our needs and don't even know how to identify them.  "Giving ourselves what we need is not difficult.  I believe we can learn quickly.  The formula is simple: In any given situation, detach and ask 'What do I need to do to take care of myself?'"  Then we need to learn to listen and trust ourselves.  This will also help us learn how to ask others for what we need.  "We try to eliminate 'shoulds' from our decisions and learn to trust ourselves."


1.  As you go through the days ahead, stop and ask yourself what you need to do to take care of yourself.  Do it as often as you need to, but do it at least once daily.  If you are going through a crisis, you may need to do it every hour.  Then give yourself what you need.

2.  What do you need from the people around you?  At an appropriate time, sit down with them and discuss what you need from them.


Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.   ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ~St. Francis of Assisi

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