One of my coping mechanism to deal with my damaged core (especially when in relationships-or around stressful work deadlines) has been food addiction. I have abused food first as a narcotic to numb myself emotionally and secondly to build enough "fat walls" to make myself unattractive, push people away, as self neglect and indulgences turned people off.
I had the same problem growing up but in reverse, I was thin as a rail, a picky eater to the point where I was taking vials of liquid vitamins in my teens!!
I have since learned that every addiction that revolves around the mouth (smoking, drinking, etc etc) has to do with abuse suffered in infancy. The last relationship I was in, was so toxic (I became ultra codependent as never before) it literally affected my overall health to the point where I felt very sick, with a long list of debilitating symptoms. I was diagnosed with insulin resistant and other metabolic dysfunctions.
The good news I want to share with those of you with addiction is: IT IS POSSIBLE TO HEAL FROM ADDICTIONS!!
I have finally healed myself from the food addiction and have replaced it with exercise for fitness. It has taken learning about my codependency, doing the inner child grieving work, and more than one year of radical shift in my diet, proper supplementation. Basically an holistic approach.
I started writing a book about all of this a while ago, but recently I have made so much progress, I find it hard to believe it myself. I am no longer hungry all the time, eat a lot less, and don't have the cravings I used to have.
I attribute this to learning to love myself, and the transformation from wounded to wonder child. CODA is great everyone! Just do the steps and things do change...... With love, Miao
I too found that in the process of making efforts to heal myself, improve myself emotionally, I automatically became interested in improving myself physically. I started juicing, eating organic, doing yoga, Tai Chi, walking with the neighbors, stop smoking - it all goes hand in hand, physical well being and emotional well being.
I have been really sick now for a week and it is absolutely AMAZING how the old voices come back and nag at me - "You are not enough, you are alone, you are alone because you are unlovable ...". I knew they were just stories and worked hard to take care of myself around it, but the physical and emotional are all tied together.
Congratulations Miao!
__________________
Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ~St. Francis of Assisi
I know that my root problems like with codependency issues, so the smoking and the overeating is just a symptom of the root stuff. So i need to really start concentrating on my step work today. I will make the time.
by the way, when i write it out, what do i do with it?
I know that my root problems lie with codependency issues, so the smoking and the overeating is just a symptom of the root stuff. So i need to really start concentrating on my step work today. I will make the time.
by the way, when i write it out, what do i do with it?
Sorry to hear you're not feeling well Willing..........yeah the body is soooo important......
I took my health for granted for so long, and than realized how pivotal it truly is. Can't do much without energy and a good mood.
Regarding your Inner Voice, there's couple ways I use to deal with it, which is to notice it just like you did, and let it go, don't feed it by dwelling on it, and if that doesn't work I take out the big guns: 250mg of Magnesium Citrate will lift the mood, keep on taking till you are absolutely joyful and than slowly reduce. Than there's 5htp and good old St John's Worth that I use when feeling blue.
Oh and Ltheanine, found in green tea is an amazing relaxer and mood enhancer.
I just returned from a neighborhood two hours brisk walk with my friend ( chelsea/ west village) and I feel amazingly energized. It's 30 degrees here today and windy......
Yes you can share it if you like, we will be here to support you, but the most important part is to practice and apply them. To let he steps guide your behavior out of codependency. We are here for you....
Sending BIG love and hugs, Miao. Feeling better and lots of fun planned. I missed out on a lot of fun planned over the last week, but will have great stuff to share over the next week!
DP - you don't have to share specifics that will break your anonymity. Feel free to share how you are feeling and questions you have. It can be a confusing process and we are here to share our experience, strength and hope with you as we have been through similar circumstances.
That's what it is all about, sharing. Maybe something I have done works for you and maybe it doesn't, but at least we understand that we are experiencing similar pain and we are not alone.
Willing
__________________
Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ~St. Francis of Assisi
since reading your last post about step 1, admitting being powerless over others is a great place for me to start. I'm taking your advice and just sitting with this first step until I feel ready pr prmpted to move on and start the written work.
Hi everyone, I'm new here. I was recommended to do some kind of codependent support group. Miao, I see you have come a long way. I too struggle with food addiction. I'm the opposite of you, I have difficulties with Anorexia and Bulimia. My struggle has been a decade long battle and I begin down this path when I feel out of control of my own life and the only thing I seem to be able to control is what I eat and how long I starve my self. I have also felt so bad about myself that have over eaten and get the feeling of guilt.
I have a lot going on in my life and have been sexually abused from 5 to 15 years old and through my teen years I was physically abused, verbally abused and now I know I also was emotionally/mentally abused. I now find myself in a toxic relationship with hope that my husband will continue to be sober from his drug addiction. we have been married for almost 6 years and it had ben great until 2013 when my husband relapsed. I have just been going through it all. CPS has been involved and I fear I will lose my girls, yet the social workers have told me that wont happen unless I defend him, which ii never have cause they are my everything.
My husband and I have a rocky marriage, but he has been sober officially for the past 8 months now. we are in marriage counseling through our church and found support through Christ. Things have been getting better slow until about last week when CPS showed up again with accusations of my husband in some shape or form sexually abused our girls. There is a lot more to the story because I have been dealing with a lot of different things such as my daughter lying and miscommunicating things she has seen which has lead to CPS coming and leaving due to untrue accusations. I am a great mother and my husband is a great father, he has just made bad decisions and struggling with his addiction and being sober. This time she said something at daycare about protecting her little sister (due to wanting to be like Elsa & Anna) so I wasn't surprised they showed up and thought they would see we love our girls and they aren't abused, but it didn't turn out that way. So now i'm heart broken cause my girls (5&2) miss their dad and have to wait to talk to a forensic examiner to be questioned. This has been a nightmare because I don't believe her would hurt them, yet if something comes up, than i'm going to have to leave him and choose my girls. I brought them in this world and I plan on protecting them from all the evils of this world.
The worst part is that I'm currently going to school for becoming a Social Worker for DCPS to investigate sexual abuse cases. My abuse has warranted me to help other children that are going through what I went through.
I felt like I had lost my soul, and my stomach hurt without it. The only thing that I could think of to replace my soul and insulate my stomach from the pain was fat, so I started eating more. Now I'm used to eating more. My body panics when I eat less, exercise more, and or loose weight. I diet to stay the same, and enjoy the occasional dip in my weight. But I don't push it. Thanks...
-- Edited by Bumble Dunny on Sunday 8th of February 2015 12:09:45 AM
I hear you on the food front. I've been struggling with codependency in my marriage and have gained around 30 lbs over 6 years. Especially in the last year when my father came down with serious, diabetes related health problems. I was stressed about his condition but also became anxious about my blood sugar and wound up eating too much (ironically). So I've been tracking my calorie intake and exercising more, which is helpful. I'm also trying to meditate more and be more accepting of my feelings (not trying to numb them out).
