Denial is a powerful tool. Never underestimate its ability to cloud your vision.
Be aware that, for many reasons, we have become experts at using this tool to make reality more tolerable. We have learned well how to stop the pain caused by reality - not by changing our circumstances, but by pretending our circumstances are something other than what they are.
Do not be too hard on yourself. While one part of you was busy creating a fantasy reality, the other part went to work on accepting the truth.
Now, it is time to find courage. Face the truth. Let it sink gently in.
When we can do that, we will be moved forward.
God, give me the courage and strength to see clearly.
I was in such denial, it was all over me. But as a child , I had to go into denial because to accept that my own family was just not safe was overwhelming for me, so in my child mind, trying to cope, it was easier to just blame me. "oh its my fault that mom is drunk and screaming and falling down the stairs" or "it has to be me that causes him to beat my brothers" It was more "acceptable" to me to think it was I who was the one responsible. To realize that I was in a toxic family was to accept and realize that my world really was not safe at all
Now i see this dynamic and I realize that denial is a necessary protection tool, however, it becomes negative when the sufferer never is able to see the truth and thus deal with the wounds that come with it. Accepting that I had a toxic family, even some of them were downright dangerous was very hard for me but now?? Its like I am a "give me the truth no matter what' and i think that is because I lived such a phony, lie filled life, my real nature is of the truth. I want the truth. The truth does set me free. Yes it hurts a lot at times, but it does set me free. I hope this post made sense :)
__________________
Katie J.
Love begins within me and then radiates out to the universe