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Post Info TOPIC: What if everyone leaves me?


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What if everyone leaves me?
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What if everyone leaves me?

 

Fear of being alone has in the past kept me in the company of turbulent relationships. I would say honestly that I have settled in the past with who ever came along at the time I was looking for a relationship. I would over look the parts of the annoying habits that I would find un-attractive in this person, and deal with it because I did not want to be alone again.

 

Well eventually, trying to over look these annoyances in a relationship would wear me down and I would evaluate how little was gained for me in this relationship. Compared to how much effort I was putting in VS the other person.

 

This type of thought would fester inside me every time there was a disagreement in the relationship.

Each time an argument would develop the thoughts of, but I don’t want to be alone, would come to mind, and I would give into whatever was needed to patch thing up in the relationship.

 

In my last relationship, I can look back and realize how I had tried to patch over the argument to get things back together. Again because of the fear of being alone. But the relationship was broken beyond fixing. I shake my head in disbelief, thinking that I was that bad off having no boundaries with people. I would have been allowing my last GF to lie and cheat on me with some guy. And yet I was the one trying to patch up the relationship.  

 

Thank GOD I came to my scenes, and stayed working the steps.

 

I’m still alone as far as a close relationship goes. But the “settle type” relationships that I have been involved with have taught me that. You can be in a room full of people and still feel all alone. I remember sitting in the same room night after night with this particular GF, and neither of us would have nothing to say or talk about to each other. She was all about facebook, or her few friends, and I hated the drama of that. And I could not have an intelligent conversation about my work job that provided for the family.

 

Being alone isn’t half bad after a few like I’ve experienced.

 

Have you had a similar experience? What did you learn from it?           



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SO………….. I see how it is.


Has everybody left me alone on here???? "Cricket sounds"

NOoooooooo……………say it isn’t so.


How will I survive?

Who will understand how I think, and why I struggle in relationships like I do?

Breath, fap123 breath.

Ok, just having a little fun. Can you tell I’m a little bored right now?

Hey, maybe I’m the last codependent left. I didn’t get the secret message to magically cure this codependent quagmire I find myself in.

Oh well, life goes on.


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Guru

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Hello Fap123,

Sorry for the delay, you are not alone .  I just got both houses on my property painted but refinishing the decks and stairs are mine to do.  Prep and stain ... oooof.  Time consuming and I can barely move!  Then I get to grade the 700ft driveway!   Just getting the "before the rain comes" projects done.   Oh, one more ... a couple of cords of wood to order and stack - then bring on winter!  I am doing this all myself so the computer isn't getting much attention and I am feeling every year of my age.

I also can't really identify with how you feel because I am happiest when alone.  Shoot, I moved two states away from everyone I knew to acreage far from town.  I wanted to isolate.  I work from home and only see my daughter in the evening after she is done with work.  I get together with my guy on weekends, but most of my time is spent alone and I prefer it that way.  My family complains that I don't stay in touch enough and they wish I would answer the darned phone more often.

I only really held onto one bad relationship with all my might (which is where I found my codependent bottom).  The rest I walked away from and was fine.  I have a lot of codie traits, but keeping people who hurt me in my life is not one of them.  I had low self esteem, couldn't say no, worried about what everyone (I mean EVERYONE) thought of me to the point of anxiety 24/7.  But keeping folks in my inner circle who annoy me, hurt me, are unhealthy ... that's only been a problem once and boy was it a dooozie!  I am a runner.

Since my daughter was born I swore to make my home and life a "sanctuary".  That was my actual word.  It has worked for the most part.  My daughter and I get along wonderfully.  I haven't been mad at her in YEARS, we never have bad words or argue, we share everything but we are so kind and respectful of each other.  People are welcome into this, the door is ALWAYS open.  But it closes quickly if they bring negativity into our lives.  I don't mean just the regular vent about your day stuff, we both vent about life and work, but if someone detracts from our life instead of adds to it they are no longer welcome and she is in total agreement with this.  A third person moved onto the property with us, all we are and have were made available to them.  They used us, lied, stole ... and in short order were asked to leave.  Now we are up here on our hill alone together raising vegetables and chickens, working and playing hard, and loving life.

We are here to help people heal.  I live my life with the song below in mind.  Everyone stumbles but our doors are open for healing.  I think now that most of the hard work is done with the new property, next summer I am going to focus on having at least one women's retreat here. 

Everyone is welcome, but the doors do not stay open to people who do not want to heal and grow and only want to take ... and I have no fear of people leaving, I will ask them to.  I will not let someone disturb my sanctuary (internal and external) for very long.

Thanks for the share, Fap123!  I will try to check in more regularly.

Willing



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Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.   ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ~St. Francis of Assisi



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I think the two of you will make quite the cronely couple. Now you must be married because I typed so. Lol.

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fap123 wrote:

 

What if everyone leaves me?

 

 

I’m still alone as far as a close relationship goes. But the “settle type” relationships that I have been involved with have taught me that. You can be in a room full of people and still feel all alone. I remember sitting in the same room night after night with this particular GF, and neither of us would have nothing to say or talk about to each other. She was all about facebook, or her few friends, and I hated the drama of that. And I could not have an intelligent conversation about my work job that provided for the family.

 

 

 

Being alone isn’t half bad after a few like I’ve experienced. 

 

 

Have you had a similar experience? What did you learn from it?           


 Dear flap..You are talking my story.."settling"  and then trying to over look what i KNEW was toxic in the other, just because I did not want to be alone..Thank God for CoDa and the 12 steps, because painful as being alone can be, it is nothing compared to being with a toxic, unhealty, emotionally unavailable significent other..I so agree with what you say here..And yes, you are not alone..I read your post and thought "oh my!! I know I am not alone"...Thank you for your honest and brave post



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Katie J. 

Love begins within me and then radiates out to the universe

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