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Post Info TOPIC: Well, I'm at again...


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Well, I'm at again...
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Mom's in the hospital, and I'm thinking that instead of running from the bad and trying to do so much better that its time to just accept where I am and do whatever little I can do to help. She seems like she's tired of seeing my face and hiring more people for longer hours to take my place, and I'm just doing the little bit of houseswork that I can without getting in too much trouble. She still yells at me whatever I do or don't do and follows me around griping if I try to leave. Sometimes I think I need to fake my own death to get away, but I'd miss her. At least she's not having me hospitalized for pouring out her old coffee and making sure she has a fresh cup and drugging me to death. When the doctor said I was going to start losing bone mass on my old medication, she decided that I wasn't that crazy and she could stand the occasional fresh cup of coffee when I thought of it. I dont even do that much anymore. If shes too tired to smoke or make her own coffee, then I encourage her to do without. I'm too busy making sure that we survive her overspending on people to hinder us, and she's too tired for healthier fun like sitting up to watch tv. so I'm sure not going to help her do her recreational drugs. Blah! Thanks for reading. I hope you have a blessed day. 



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I'm going to desperate measures to clean the house and get mom back. I've already gotten in trouble for what little I told her about. But she says she feels better there. So I guess I'll keep cleaning. I gather that most people with cancer have too much stuff and purging their excess stuff helps them recover. I've mostly been getting rid of my own clothes that I don't use now and might be at the root of her fever and mysterious illness. Doing that definitely makes room to put more of her stuff in her face to use and get rid of. I want to get it all done in one day. But I spent most of the day waiting for her to answer the phone and getting mad because she's paying someone else to visit her today. I was going to move the clothes real quick and go see her. Instead I just fumed and watched movies and read and had the Indian food that she refuses to eat to help fight her cancer. I do this for me too. Cancer is contagious and I can smell her sick and dying body here even though she's gone for now. I feel that I have to do things to keep from getting sick too. I just wish she would stop fighting me for our death and start fighting the cancer for our lives.

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Finally, I get to do some paper work! My mom doesn't seem to know or care heavy her laptop is, and I have to lug it up a hill. So of course I want to roll it up a hill in a suitcase. Can you believe she started to say, "No?" I asked her if she was crazy, and she snapped out of it. But her first answer is always no, and she's always complaining. Now she's got a nurse that doesn't hear her complaints. She just acts like I'm a crazy liar. I think the crazy is the one flipping out of consciousness over her complaints, but what do I know. I think I'm going to have to take one of my two days on... Off. I need groceries soon, and I want cake now. Hmn... And don't tell me I'm being selfish. My mom gets whatever she wants and needs from everyone in the hospital. I don't. I still feel guilty though. Sorry.


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Well. God save the computer. I didn't roll it up a hill. Lol.

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