I've been spending time on another recovery website, one devoted to adult children of alcoholics, and I'm a little tapped out right now and I need to dump it to see/hear it.
This is my night with my daughter, one of 2 nights since my divorce 2 years ago. Abandonment issues must really be surfacing since when I try to contact either my daughter or ex-wife and am ignored, I've gotten really and quickly pissed.
Edit: 2 hours have passed now.
I'm home again. I'd gone over to see my daughter, and I was angry. The very short story is I blew up at my daughter for abandoning me, I called it "treating me like sh**". I was an angry victim, and I left and walked the neighborhood.
I texted my ex----and by her replies, showed me I was angry at her. She is a bullying perpetrator, but she was right. After walking more, I returned to the house. I owned my wrong to my daughter, making some mistakes in the middle, but I learned. Love isn't forced, or it's not love.
But to be wise, I submitted to my ex asking me to leave. I don't need her---I deeply resent her, I'd texted her that during our text discussion (as yelling and bullying is her norm)
My daughter does love me, and I don't need to punish her for being herself. This was a long night. I am safe.
We are powerless over others..When I first did step 9, I noticed that most of my amends were to me for abandoning me to attempt to change others or get them to love me..I had no sense of self..Going to meetings, on line or face to face (not many CoDa meets in even major cities) So i go on line..Meetings and the steps, reading the literature, working with a sponsor have shown me to keep the focus on me and if I have harmed another, I make amends, work to correct-amends my wrongs, then continue to work on me and knowing that the only thing I can change is me.
I am glad you are here..Please keep coming back..This program is heaven sent..
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Katie J.
Love begins within me and then radiates out to the universe
So glad you found us. I love the awareness in your post, seeing YOUR actions and not completely blaming others.
I don't have the experience you do with my child, I have been a single parent since the day she was born. No co-parenting issues (thank goodness).
But I do have a friend that has a horrible situation with his ex and daughter, sounds very much like yours. It is very interesting for me to watch him move from blaming everything on his ex to just focusing on his relationship with his daughter. That is just between the two of them, no matter what the ex does - the relationship is successful or not based on how HE treats his daughter.
He has started ignoring (not literally, but not taking to heart) his ex, not letting her trigger him, letting her be white noise ... and being a consistent, strong, loving force in his daughter's life. The change was immediate and profound. His daughter has responded beautifully and their time together is great, even as brief as it is.
Best of luck! Keep coming back!
Willing
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Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ~St. Francis of Assisi
