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Post Info TOPIC: Keep coming back. It works if you work it, so work it because you’re worth it.


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Keep coming back. It works if you work it, so work it because you’re worth it.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it, so work it because you’re worth it.

 

I remember saying this after the end of each CODA meeting I went to.

 

It sounded so corny the first few weeks. But as I learning more about my codependent behaviors. I was able to learn how to catch myself before I fell into the same old traps that got me to, the out of control state I was in.

 

When I started going to meetings, I went religiously for two meeting a week, and did a group book study for a full year. After that time I stopped going to the meetings. For myself, I believe the meetings can only take me so far. So now I post on here. Reading others post, and read material regarding the steps.

 

I feel I have learned a lot in this amount of time about myself. I still struggle from time to time with relationship stuff mostly. Currently not in a relationship, so no problems. Funny how that works.

 

One thing I noticed when I went to meetings. Is how easily I could recognize the codependency issues in someone else’s life as they would share in the group. But I could not see my own issues. I could only see the other person (my GF) as the reason for my grief. I felt I was innocent, the victim at the time.

Now however, I see more clearly and I have learned to take full responsibility for my actions.

 

Peace  



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You are so right, Fap123.  I started in recovery going to AA and completing the steps with a sponsor.  I stayed for a year but found that alcohol wasn't my problem, my ex was! (haha)  So I went to Al-Anon and worked the steps and sponsored ... even moderated the MIP Al-anon board for a while.  GREAT PLACE!  Then I realized by ex wasn't the problem ... I was!

So I found myself in CoDA.  When I lived in CA there were quite a few meetings to choose from, here ... out in the sticks ... none at all.  I have thought about going to AA here ... just to get a dose of the fellowship, people who understand, but I can't bring myself to do it.  Seems wrong somehow.

Funny I am typing this.  I have a friends son who has suffered SO MUCH because of his addiction and he has reached 100 days of sobriety and I am just OVERJOYED for him.  I've never met him ... but I am cheering him on with all my heart.  Today in the grocery store I was walking past a lady who had something written up her entire arm (tattoo) and I asked what it was.  It was the serenity prayer.  (Goosebumps now and then as well).  I just wanted to HUG her.  10 years sober.

The 12 step program is SO VALUABLE if you do it with all your heart.  You don't have to accept God or Jesus as your savior, but you do have to WORK AT IT.  You have to invest in yourself.  You need to stop believing your BS and start living honestly.

I no longer believe I am an alcoholic, but I have stood up in front of my fellowship and read "How it works" more times than I can count.  And it still brings me almost to tears.    http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt5.pdf  

I was broken.  I used the 12 steps to fix MYSELF.  It wasn't up to God (IMHO) ... maybe it was God and I am just niave, I am Willing to accept that.  But because of the 12 steps I have found peace and a happiness I never knew was possible.

IN and OUT of a relationship.

Thank you so much for being here, Fap123.  I feel I have been slacking in my moderator duties and am forever grateful for your presence here to greet those who need to hear your words.  I need to hear them too.

Willing



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Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.   ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ~St. Francis of Assisi



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Thanks Fap123 for posting this. I am going through a similar thing with my boyfriend. I have felt like I am the victim and he is the cause of my unhappiness. I just had a light bulb moment last night and became a member of this forum this morning in the hopes that I can become healthier before my relationship fails completely. Your post made me feel like success is possible. Thank you. Do you feel like meetings worked better? I am trying to find ways to help myself but with my hectic life I thought online would be ok. I just don't know where to start. I have an issue with routines too. I can never keep one. haha. Thanks again for the post. :)



-- Edited by Dreamcatcher89 on Wednesday 23rd of September 2015 05:02:09 AM

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Thanks Dreamcatcher89, Glad you found some use from my random mind wonderings. lol

I was such a mess after my relationship breakup, that I went to therapy for help. But the money ran out, $ 1800.00 so 12 steps filled the need of trying to figure out why my relationship life was not working out.

I committed myself to 1 year of 12 step meeting 2 times a week. and bought a workbook that I went through with about 5 other people in one of the groups so about 3 hours per week of 12 steps info. The workbook took about 10 months the way we went through it.

I bought books that helped me as well, and of course reading other people's post helps me to see other perspectives as well.

Personally I don't see myself doing meeting any more in the future. I know how I think now, in relationships issues. Everyday is a struggle, not to fall into the trap of helping, or doing more for people than I should. I know why I do those actions, is to get that feeling of being needed, loved, okay, normal.

At first it scary to go down this path. But when I finally started to understand myself and why I was over extending myself when interacting in my un-healthy relationship. I looked back at my old relationships and thank GOD that they ended.

If time were an issue, then some books and this site will be a lot better than doing nothing.

Keep coming back. It works if you work it, so work it because you’re worth it.

Peace



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I know this is an old post, however, I really like what you said here and I’m just starting my CoDA involvement. Yes, 🙌🏻 we are worth it!



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@fap123 and @dreamcatcher89 I really want to thank you both for your posts which are really helping me because I can relate to what @Dreamcatcher89 is saying, and I, too, find hope in what @fap123 has said. It’s funny, but I found your post when I did a quick online search for “Keep coming back…” because a local CoDA group is updating their telephone list and said to reply to the email if we wanted to be included in the list, which I do, even though I don’t get there often but they also asked us to include a favorite CoDA phrase and I couldn’t remember the entire phrase that is said at the end of each meeting until I found yours here. Lol. Hope everyone is doing well. 🥰❤️🙌🏻

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