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Post Info TOPIC: Learning To Let Go


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Learning To Let Go
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Hello, I am new here.

Learning To Let Go

It is extremely difficult. I find myself in a sticky situation and realized a few months ago that it is a form of codependency (I will write a curtailed synopsis of the situation)

10-Years ago I met a woman. We both fell in love and had a very good relationship. Over time, though, for reasons that neither of us fully understand, the relationship failed.

We had been living together during the relationship and at the end we continued to live together (this was primarily for fiscal reasons - There was no more romance of any sort continuing during this time at all. We were just very good friends, like family)

I moved into my own apartment, living alone, about 2-Years ago. I dated a few women during this time BUT, I still clung close to my ex-girlfriend as a close friend.

She has Bi-polar (manic depression) and suffers badly from this. You can never tell from day-to day how she will be doing.

In the last 2-Years I have walked up to her apartment to visit her probably 100+ times. She has visited me 2 times. I message her - It takes days for her to reply (if she replies at all). I call her and she does not answer her phone; when I ask her about this she says "My ringer was low, I didn't hear it." or "It was turned off." I do not believe this at all.

I used to see her twice a week, now 2-Years later I see her once a week if I'm lucky. Currently, I have not seen her in 6 weeks. This is wearing on me greatly, emotionally.

I am not in love with her, but I do love her and I worry about her; I take it upon myself to constantly make sure she is okay. She rarely does that for me.

I do not know what to do. I live right near New York City and have looked into attending Codependency 12-Step meetings there at some point. (I am a recovering addict also so I am well aware of the power of the 12-Step program and how it can work miracles).

At this point I am just drowning in hopeless emotion about someone (my ex-girlfriend) who apparently does not share the same concern about me. Yes, I am disgruntled about this.

 



-- Edited by TragicKingdom on Sunday 20th of September 2015 11:40:55 AM

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Welcome TragicKingdom, I hear and feel your pain in this post. I see you have looked into the 12 steps. And getting into the meetings for Coda, may be more helpful to deal with relationship issues like you have described. As you may know the steps are similar to NA or AA, just differently worded. But in my opinion there is a big difference.

My last relationship was about 2 years ago when it ended badly, I was angry hurt and had all the feelings of not being good enough. I beat myself everyday for months of how it was my fault. At some point I was leaning toward reconciling with her.

It took awhile for me to come to acceptance and forgiveness. I don't see my ex-GF around town and really have no plans to. But I look at that time in my life as a stepping stone. I needed that support my GF gave me at that time, and she needed mine. But as painful as it was when it ended. I don't think the timing could have been any more perfect for the break-up. As I look back at the relationship. I see how I was either playing the victim or the rescuer in the relationship. When I was in the relationship. I thought it was a normal relationship. I now see so many people in these type of dysfunctional relationships. And they try and make them work. They are never happy or faithful.

I still struggle with relationship myself. From trust issues to the heartbreak of the ending of them. I have come to realize over time. That I only need to be concerned for myself. Take care of myself. Let my HP worry about the rest. At the right time I trust my HP will bring someone right for me along.
Keep posting, it helps in my opinion.

Peace

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Thank you fap123 for your reply,  reading it helped me clear up a bit of my mind concerning all of what I am thinking/concerned about.



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