I am very new to this all. I thought that finding an online support group would be easier with my hectic life than going to a meeting. I am looking for some ideas of where to start in my process to get out from under my codependency in my relationship. I have become very resentful and angry at my boyfriend of 6 years. I am always striving to make him and our young daughter happy. I feel like everything I do goes unnoticed because I don't get the recognition from them that what I do is appreciated, even though he does appreciate it. I cant seem to just see the good things about what he does and how he feels without constant reassurance. I do not like that about myself and I constantly am trying to change for him and what I think he wants. I then get burnt out and I hurt which makes me more resentful. We cant even talk normally anymore without me having some kind of frustration or anger in my voice. He is starting to wear down just because I am being so hateful towards him. I want to change for me. I want to continue to take care of my family but not to an extreme that my happiness is contingent on the acceptance and affection from him. I believe that I have always had an issue with co dependency just never got to this extreme. I hope that his forum will help me. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Ask as many questions as you want I am here to learn and get healthier.
Study Step (one) of the 12 steps. I know everyone wants to race to the finish and be healed, from codependency issues. But it just doesn’t work like that, sorry.
It take time, to spend a few days at least, maybe a few weeks, realizing that what step one says, and see that it is true in your life.
I think that’s why it’s the first step.
That is what helped me. I was like, I want to fix this problem right NOW. After that didn’t work. lol
I started over, and finally admitted I was powerless over other and my life had become un-manageable.
Some ideas that I would suggest as well would be to:
Stay positive, Think thoughts like, I matter, I’m right were God wants me.
Take care of yourself; eat healthy, exercise walking, swimming.
Share feelings, with a trusted friend, at a Coda meeting, or here as everyone here can relate.
Do some journaling.
Be kind with yourself.
Make a gratitude list.
Pray. Higher power, GOD, or however you feel lead.
What you have described in your post seems to fall under low self-esteem patterns of codependency. Pretty common feeling around here.
Here are examples:
Have difficulty making decisions
Judge what they think or do harshly, as never good enough.
Do not perceive themselves as lovable or worthwhile person.
That is just a few on the list.
Following the steps, I was eventually able to re-learn how to live life.
I don’t do things for people as much, unless I’m asked. I’ve learned to ask for help when I need it. (Not easy for me). I’ve become more spiritual, (not a bible thumper type).
Hope this is of some help for you. Remember “The only way out is through”.
Welcome Dreamcatcher89. Fap123's suggestions are right on! I looks like we have a bit of a discussion going on the Step Study - Step 1. Have you had a chance to read that? Any feedback, thoughts or questions?
Please keep coming back.
Willing
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Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ~St. Francis of Assisi
