After my break-up with the Ex GF. I stayed out of relationships. That comes pretty easy for me anyway.
It seems that if I isolate myself from relationships. I’m able to walk the walk and talk the talk of a healthy, less codependent person. I feel like I do pretty well dealing with my everyday life problems.
But toss me into interacting in some type of relationship, and my old triggers are activated that bring out my codependent ways. This leads to me allowing people to cross boundaries that I tell myself I will not cross.
I know how important it is for me to take back my power from people who try to control me in certain situations.
But for some reason, I still stumble with these types of relationships.
So I have learned that I need to continue practicing setting boundaries that are good for me. If I mess up, I need to review what happened, and make corrections for the next time.
I find it frustrating trying to learn this process. But I do want healthy relationships in the future.
Hello. This is my very first time looking at the coda site. I do go to counselling with a mental health addictions worker. She has suggested this site because I isolate really well, I face in my life a young daughter who is a serious addict and has mental issues. I was going through this for the last 4 years and still managing to swim. I started sinking 6 months ago. In my direct life I have no friends who have or are facing this issue . I have attended meeting of nar anon and at least there I know I am not alone. My councillor wanted me to be able to talk and get some support, is This where I should be?
Welcome Lynnie , you’re in good company here; Isolating is a very common behavior issue for many co-dependent folks. I have noticed it more in myself lately. I thought I was having less relationship problems. The reality is, I was just avoiding people. As I said in the post, this is not the answer.
As far as having friends who share the same type problems. Although they might be able to relate a bit better with the situation. That’s no guarantee, because everyone’s different.
Reading through the 12 steps, and the behaviors of how a codependent behaves. Has helped me to learn to take one day at a time. Learning I can’t do it all. I can’t fix other people. I can’t control what someone chooses to do. Or not do.
Oh and "Congratulations", on getting to the meetings. I agree with your councilor about getting support where ever you can.
I like to write my frustrations out on this site to help me just get the feelings I have out. As I re-read my post at a later time. I am able to see it from a different perspective.
Hope you find some help with-in this site. There is a lot of information to help anyone who takes the time to apply it in there life.
Fap123, your words speak to me on this subject. I can see now that I was doing that for years. . Sometimes it seems easier than waiting for what we think is inevitable,others not wanting us.
Sometimes it seems easier to isolate, than waiting for what we think is inevitable, "others not wanting us"
I hear you, That's the way I feel and think most of the time. My online dating results thus far reflect and suggest I'm not wanted.
Of course I know now that's not true. I trust my HP to bring that special woman into my life when I'm ready. I want to live the rest of my life in a healthy and happy relationship. Not the rescue or victim role playing past relationships I had.
My entire life is built around isolation. I work from home and recently moved to the country. I go weeks without seeing anyone other than my daughter.
I'm happy though and that is what is important to me. I go on adventures, I have met a handful of new people here and even gotten into a relationship, but I watch those very carefully. I can't deal with drama or people who are careless with or purposefully hurting my feelings. I don't live in a bubble. I have difficult conversations. I dig through my stuff and help others dig through theirs. It's just the unnecessary stuff that we tend to wallow in as humans that I just don't have time for. Each day counts ... I mean REALLY counts ... and I just don't see the logic in spending my precious time in emotional turmoil in excess of what life already gives us.
So I isolate and I am happy. I let kind, intelligent, dynamic people in my life who are not afraid to live and push themselves and me to higher levels and keep people who draw my energy and take away my happiness out.
Just my take.
Willing
__________________
Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ~St. Francis of Assisi
To me it sounds like you aren't isolating because you're afraid of people, but just because you are choosy about who you want around you. That is more of a strong stand to me than a fearful retreat. I'm jealous, I think that's awesome.
