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Post Info TOPIC: Feeling like I don't belong


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Feeling like I don't belong
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Tonight there was family dinner over at Mommas house, every one came, her brother and niece, all her real daughters and grandkids,and me and mine. It wasn't until half way through that HER mom, "Grandma Annie" showed up. Momma spoke quietly to me then, saying "you better say something to her tonight. You don't have to hug her, just talk. Even though it really shouldn't be your responsibility." Grandma Annie is nothing like Momma, she's not accepting of others that aren't blood related as being family. She's not an overly friendly person,or easy to talk to, I don't relate,and usually when I see her is with a big group of others. I don't do well socializing in a group,it gives me anxiety. I had come to accept this as her personality, if she made eye contact I smile and say hi, but she rarely speaks to me either. I thought that was ok, but tonight found out otherwise. I had to take a moment away from everyone after Momma said that to me. On the way inside I passed by grandma Annie and said hi,how are you? I felt rejected, judged, like I had no business acting like family or being there. Was that why she hadn't come over earlier, because she knew I'd be there? Have I been causing issues for Momma because grandma Annie is giving her an earful? Would Momma stand up for me if it came to that? I bet grandma Annie hates when I do Facebook posts that refer aND tag as "Momma Jody. " I feel so accepted by Momma and so UNaccepted by grandma Annie.And tonight it made me question where I belong. Feeling like a disappointment, Ape130

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On the way inside I passed by grandma Annie and said hi,how are you?
Good job moving out of your comfort zone to interact with difficult people, you were in a safe place with mamma to support you if things went bad.

I felt rejected, judged, like I had no business acting like family or being there.
Codependency thoughts of being worthless & un-loved come up often, learning to remind oneself that you are under construction. Remind yourself, I have no business concerning myself about what other people think of me. That’s their problem.

Was that why she hadn't come over earlier, because she knew I'd be there?
This could have been a good conversation starter to have with grandma. Asking her in a concerning way like, Did you have a setback delaying your arrival today?

Have I been causing issues for Momma because grandma Annie is giving her an earful?
A great question to sit down with momma and ask. Be open to hear whatever the answer is. Ask momma what she feels might resolve any conflict if any exist.

Would Momma stand up for me if it came to that?
If you knew the answer to the question above, you would know how to answer this question.

I bet grandma Annie hates when I do Facebook posts that refer aND tag as "Momma Jody.
Ask the question? Why would I want to do something that I feel would make someone hate me, (post on facebook), yet I expected her to be all accepting of me in person? What is the motive behind this? Why not ask Grandma here opinion about the postings on facebook? Sometimes my feelings are wrong.

I feel so accepted by Momma and so UNaccepted by grandma Annie.
My poor example is, Momma kitty I take out of the cage and hold, pet, talk to, and pamper. Grandma kitty, I look at through the locked cage, quietly walk by saying nothing. Occasionally I tease Grandma kitty by showing attention to Momma kitty. After a while, when I finally decided to give some attention to Gradma kitty, because I’m asked to by momma kitty. How trusting do I think Grandma kitty is going to be?
Am I that trusting of everyone in my own life unconditionally ? Me, not yet.

And tonight it made me question where I belong. Feeling like a disappointment, Ape130
You are right were you need to be. Life is not meant to be lived under a rock. For me to grow, I need to have my feeling hurt. The point is, there is going to be pain, before I look at it as a problem. The correction always starts with ME.

Ape130 Give yourself some credit for looking at these feeling, being open to express them, going out of your comfort zone. All these are positive steps. They seem so small right now. But before they build a building or a bridge, They put down small crushed rocks for foundation/(same as small steps). Without it, the build, or bridge would not stay up for the longevity they would want it to last. By looking at feelings, and going out of my comfort zone. I’m building my foundation for a stronger integrity, that will have me make healthy choices in all areas of my life.

One step at a time lady, no line cutting. I was here first.lol

Peace


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Fap123 thank you for helping me to think through those questions. The only one I didn't follow was the "why would I want to post if grandma hates it, " the answer is I'm not posting for her. I think of Momma as a 2nd mom, and I'll continue to refer to her as such whether grandma Annie accepts it or not. The reality of my exclusion of others became apparent after reading your response and I'm hoping to work on that. I did end up asking Momma some of those questions too :) You are right, one step at a time, I need patience.

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