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Post Info TOPIC: Comparing to others


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Comparing to others
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Another thing I struggle with, but mainly just as it relates to those I feel codependent on.  This time it was a facebook post that Daddy responded to.  He rarely posts on fb, so when he does I guess it is meaningful in my eyes.  He had put up a picture of Momma and his 3 biological daughters saying "my favorite girls," and I had commented saying how nice it turned out.  Later, another "unofficially adopted" daughter like me commented and said "What about me?"  To which Daddy responded "You should have been here! We miss you!Love you!"  It literally felt like someone had knocked the wind out of me when I saw that.

I was thinking about how surely I would have been next in line before her to be in the picture as an honorary member of the family, I am around WAY more than she is (a few times a year).  Certainly I mean at least that much to him, yet I wasn't asked to be in the picture and he seems to care about her so much more.  You know that story about the prodigal son? Sadly I will admit I could possibly be like the other daughter who thinks, "but what about me? I've been trying to do everything you would ask."  Why do I have to think about one person being loved more than another instead of just being loved differently?

All I can think about is how can I change this, what can I start doing or saying to Daddy to make him love and care about ME just as much? I do recognize it's the codependency, but it doesn't stop the strong push I feel to work even harder at gaining acceptance in my mind.



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what can I start doing or saying to Daddy to make him love and care about ME just as much?

I know the answer. But you’re not going to like it.

Why can’t I allow someone I care about, decide for themselves what value I bring to their life. And just accept it?

What can I do or say, to make my children love to eat liver every day?

Ape130, I feel the pain and hurt in your post and my replies are not meant to be mean or beating up on you. I know the pain of not feeling loved or wanted. I live it myself every day.

My posted question is intended to help someone to see the answer to a more serious and sensitive question.

Peace&Hugs



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Ape130, I see a lot of myself in your questions and I'm sorry to read how hard things are.

For years I experienced inner turmoil like this with my parents, and tried everything I could think to get them to respond to me and support me the way I needed. No avail. I finally accepted that they are who they are, they are capable of what they are capable of and I needed to give myself the love I never got. I'm still working on that, but the more I do, the better my relationship with my parents gets...and the better I feel in general. I now can enjoy them for who they are, and not resent what they themselves never got.

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Fap123 that was hard to take in, but I understand why you asked. And it is a good question,one I need to let sink in. .. I think part of it is the loss of control if I allow others to value me how they will. That goes right with step one. Molly, You understand all too well,the parent child dynamic and codependency. I'm not at a point yet where I'm trusting enough to let go of my grip,but it gives me hope hearing stories like yours.

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