Hi I'm new to Coda - I've been sober for a number of years. In AA we talk about staying away from the first drink. Its the first drink that does the damage. What is the equivalent in Coda?
I believe that no matter what the crutch that some one may use, drugs, food, sex, beer or control. In all these cases, there is still codependency hidden in the mix.
The very first thing I did, before meetings or the steps, was read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. I don't know if I recommend that first ... in fact, you finding this forum was your start. Keep reading, keep asking questions and what comes next for you will come naturally.
-- Edited by willing on Friday 12th of August 2016 11:33:37 AM
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Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ~St. Francis of Assisi
Hi I'm new to Coda - I've been sober for a number of years. In AA we talk about staying away from the first drink. Its the first drink that does the damage. What is the equivalent in Coda?
For me, now that I've been doing Recovery for many years, drinking is not and never was the problem. It only covered up or seemed to manage the bottom line issue which, for me was Self Contempt or simply unhappiness - with life and myself due to early childhood damages put here by my parents at first then a few other adults later on. So, while I attended a few AA meetings to see what they do there, I did most of my Recovery work at ACOA, Coda and Incest Survivors where it was permissible to tell the truth about my parents and childhood.
Re: What is the equivalent in Coda?
I'd say it's to AVOID taking the first self condemning shot at your self (I'm no damned good, I'm a loser, I'll never make it, I'm unlovable, I'm the best that there is, I know it all and have it all) which will only fuel the underlying sense of self contempt and then send you off to: Drink, use drugs, have sex, spend lots of money, get in fights, climb a mountain and have and/or do ANYTHING to feel better or at least stop feeling so bad. I always felt much better after just one drink but often went too far trying to feel even better and better, never realizing that the booze was just my way to tone down or stop the persistent sense of worthlessness and SHAME that I was GIVEN by my parents, brother and many others way back when.
