Why do we struggle to detach from family members that abuse us and in my case my children aswell even though i know that they are unwell, my mum dad are addicts brother sister are co-dependant aswell as me. How can the 12 step program help me in this vicous cycle.
By reading about the very bad habits that each of us develop over are life time. We will start to see how we are neglecting are self. We learn to allow others to do for themselves what ever they want to do without intruding into their decisions.
If you can get to the point of following this advice every day. Then you should be good.
The serenity prayer, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Most people get a good understanding by step 3, on how over involved they have become in living life.
It's the holidays so people may not reply. But don't think you are alone.
I'm on here now and again reading of others' experiences and learning a lot about myself. The 12 steps can be approached many different ways. It is the part I like about all of this. If you have suffered abuse the first step to your freedom is to acknowledge it and talk about it, then take steps from there to learn you are a worthwhile being and don't deserve it, so that you can learn to free yourself from it.
Kath
For me, i had a hard time detaching because deep down I was afraid of the consequences that would surely come if I changed the unspoken rules of the family. No one in my family is in recovery so when I started detaching and changing my ways of interacting with them they were bent, hurt, and resentful. Some didnt talk to me for long periods of time. I was told I wasn't a good family member. All of their actions triggered every codependent trait in me. These actions were some of he reasons i stayed in my codependent roles with them. I second guessed myself many times; the consequences i was afraid of facing. But as I worked on myself and realized that I was sick of being sick and that this was MY life to live, I started to makes these changes. Ive had to sit thru the consequences to my growing up and out of this family dynamic but I found out thru it all that I am stronger than I thought. Its OK. I've survived the feelings and I'm feeling better about myself. Take good care of yourself.
