I somehow ended up on this site looking for recovery stuff, stuff to work on, as I lost virtually everything as my ex-partner was able to deny me access to my house from one day to the other. Fortunately I had already decided to rent a house to at least have a place away from him, from my house, from my home, but I was not planning to fully move out. Well, my ex-partner made that decision for me.

And no, I still didn't find a Loving Higher Power,even though my Higher Power saw this way as the only way to leave my house where my ex still was and was driving me crazy.

Of course in this new house people moved in. As a good codependent I just allowed that in order to 'not be alone'. Well, it doesn't work anymore, but I still didn't find a way to kick them out. Like e.g. I have planned a trip for a week and need someone to take care of my dogs. Ah, oh yes, I am also codependent to one of them 'as he needs me, cannot live without me'.

Feels good to write here now. Good I learned that in meetings. Unfortunately there are no participants in the meetings here anymore and I miss that very much. But writing here is another option of course.

And I just found out I have, or had, become a CODEPENDENT again and not a RECOVERING CODEPENDENT anymore. As I didn't really do any program things anymore. I was just hoping that more people would go to meetings and that was it. But of course there is more, like reading literature, listening to YouTube videos (or watching), journaling, which I still don't do as I am too lazy (yes, let's be hard on myself).

So that's what I realized tonight. Or maybe it has been lingering for a few days already. That I am just a cody again and not a recovering codependent. And that involves some work. Not easy without people attending meetings, but it can be done.

Ah, and if anybody can hellp me with this Higher Power thing I would be grateful, as I still don't get that part. I tried many Higher Powers and none of them seem to work for me. On the contrary. I kind of went back to the Christian type of God only to find out that there are so many things in the bible that are not true. I have no problem with that, but I do have a problem with pastors just preaching as if everything in the bible is true. And in my opinion they could know better.

Anyhow, good to be able to share here. Thanks for letting me share.