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Post Info TOPIC: Angry with the MIP family...

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Angry with the MIP family...


 smile This is my only point of contact with the MIP family.

This CODA board. 

  Like with my own FOO, I felt that MIP had treated me really badly.

There is one person in the MIP family I think ah kin trust.

And you might be that person reading this right now. ???


Gaslighting and bullying.

My place here is stop being vulnerable.

Hmmm... so being vulnerable as my downfall, right. ???


Is that the dilemma of the co-dependent?


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 I have this saying:- "I'll give you something to cry about!"

This was a family message. A script.


On the 20th of October 2020 I made the share below.

It touches on the C-PTSD that I have and mentions my therapist.


And yet this year I mentioned the same sort of stuff. One member reported me to the moderator- and I was warned.

Just one person- no chance to delete, or to explain my side of the story.

What is the point to getting along to a group- that seems to replicate the toxic regimen of my FOO?




blankstare I still have the capacity for self sabotage- or so it appears...

      Yesterday was a great day. In this group- maybe noticed by three of us- but highly significant for me.

      I am a believer in "The Butterfly Effect". How a small but significant change can lead to greater things.

      For me it was a significant change in my ability to trust.

      I went for a drive to the top of the mountain- where I used to work. It is up 1,100 metres and helps clear my ears. I spent 20 mins with an old farmer and we did some boy talk.

Latterly I painted the hull of an old battered canoe... and stationed it up the lake. I was a bit wonky in the wind, first try. I wear a life jacket- of course! Not so much to fish- but place to hang out. And I felt confident out there yesterday.

But last night I felt disturbed and woke in the small hours.

Today i have a self-soothing technique- which worked. But i had an awful time for 20 or 30 minutes.

I had a dream which was like a rampant hand washing dream...

...which tells me that ah aint flushed all of my demons out!


Our service member in our Steps meeting told me last week- that Alanon is a gradual programme, not a graduate programme. She must have sense where I was at. Still seeking perfection, perhaps...

...I do have a Step 12 plan- which is ambitious.

I have taken steps to implement this plan. Last night I saw this set-back as a challenge for me.

It is impossible to hide our body language, or even the way we speak- inflection and nuance. Being at face to face meetings- week in and week out softens the lines of anxiety. A safe place.

Here too- though it does take a bit of extra imagination... to picture our other members here...


Many of my old friends were junkies- smack addicts... which are just street words for heroin. They resorted to addictive drinking too- as a back-up.

I am always aware of the stored trauma in people lives that drive them to such desperate measures. I am aware of it in my primary qualifier- even though he is long gone.

But more so in myself. How i suffer, and still suffer.

My therapist tells me that i have no permanent damage. I know she has the capacity to clear a lot of my historic trauma. I am working on the situation from my end. There is no magic bullet.

It is not for the faint-hearted.


My survivor friends had done well- the ones that lived. One I have know since she was 11. She and her sister were street kids Weekend street kids, really with a mother to get home to. Well- that was until they hooked up with our crowd. hmm ...

In recent times D. trained to be a councillor. She had to learn literacy first to tackle the course- but she managed. She does do voluntary work, as well, for rape crisis.

Low income she still lives in a slum- with members of the usual client group as her neighbours.

I wanted to help provide her with peer support- and I am back on the same theme.

Getting myself right. 

Pure and simple.


The first time she came south- so spend time with her mum and her daughter- she just wept and wept- as old memories surfaced for her. I wept and wept with her... ...what else could i do...?

The last time was over lock-down and I spent time with both her, and her mum... this was calmer and nicer... next venturing out is also ambitious... taking the message of hope... taking other people exactly as they are...


...I need peers like myself- who have suffered heaps... who have survived... and who are actively seeking solutions.

These are awesome spaces to share with people. Humbling and healing.


I have my own book to write......I am setting my sights differently.

I never had this guidance, as a kid.

I have to find a way of giving this guidance to myself.

it is a package really- and it also reverberates, for me- in the people department.

Being an insider I am a witness to some extraordinary things...

...because of where we all have been- we have the sensitivity to see, hear and fell this.

It is healing- it offers hope. 



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THE MIP GROUPS- were to be based on chat meetings.

Apart for two for three members on the ACA board this no longer happens.

All the sharing, for the groups now takes place on the messagings board.

The Alanon board is by far the biggest. Eighteen months ago- members were still being referred to their own face 2 face groups.

The pandemic nudged people on towards online or zoom groups- and this encouraged a lot more sharing on the Alanon message board.

Members raised questions about the role of the combined steps and Traditions Board. There was an attack on the Alanon Mod. for that board.

Few if any members actually share on the board- and it now sits vacant.


I am an old hand in the field of co-dependence- which forms a greater or lesser part of what Alanon Family Groups are.

JADE is not an Alanon CAL akronym, though many will use it.

Don't justify, Argue, Defend or Explain.

I will explain if I am asked to.

For me, that last word is a link to other people and an encouragement to talk. 


I can read the Alanon message board but cannot share.

Initially I felt embarrassed doing this. Felt a bit like a voyeur. hmm

Then this changed. I had undertaken this journey myself- journalling, or squirrelling.

Getting in far, far more sharing that is possible in a F 2 F meeting.

And may more share's per week.

If Alanon actually works, as we expect- this should deepen and strengthen the recovery process.

Gradual though.


When I was 17 I got "too big for my boots". I questioned my drinking patents for the first time aloud. I was kicked out of home. Our mum and dad came home about 7 p.m. Mum got stuck into our sister for not having dinner ready. She was 12 or 13.

I piped up- with the information that there was no food for her to cook- something they had overlooked.

And then thing led to another.


Since this was a vital rite of passage for me- it kind of stuck.


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 I always knew that there was something "over the horizon".

At the same time I am glancing into my own consciousness, looking for direction.

Currently I am getting random memory bytes- where my sense of self seems to be integrating.

Instead of dis-integrating since I was a kid.

One-ness, wholeness, healing.


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  aww We do talk about how we pitch our shares. It shows the extent of our bond, and our trust in a group.

        I have been with the MIP Alanon group for ten years. We have been through the passing of key members.

I was always so mistrustful of the process and sought to create lines of trust with other key members. And the

bonds of trust are still there. Apart from the disease we have also all had to navigate covid.

I come from a small town in a small country.

it was almost by chance that AA, Alanon came here.

Too small a place to support CODA, or ACA.


I get back to my experience at Stepping Stones, in upstate New York.

As well as a conference I saw the 12 Step movement as needing an academy.

Not some ivy-covered wall of a building- bu places where members could practise the programme- in a living way-

where we could all compare notes- add our insight and experience and build a strong healing movement.

I knew very well that this would not be straight forward, or easy. Quite the opposite.

We learn by doing- especially at a certain age. biggrin


I know that this has reverberated back onto my nearest face 2 face meeting- in a very strong way.

Making just that little bit of difference. smile


The meeting is closed just this minute- because of a national lock-down.

We do have a strong bond- because, in a sense the very future of Alanon is at stake.

At the very least- in my world.


For me- the bottom line is the suffering.

Addiction- and the toxic family is of epidemic proportions. It has been going on for generations.

The death and sickness rate is huge.

As become more aware we see the consequences as horrific. Just a terrible waste of life! 

And yet very few people are aware that this is happening!


Progress, not perfection.

To be aware- to accept what is- and to act. Courage to Change, 1 April. 


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Posts: 278


 aww I am talking a lot here now- for very good reason. Something my toxic FOO would not actually allow!

There is so much going in in the world right now!

I think it is time- for anyone who can- to close ranks- and to create havens of hope. Trust. Loving kindness, even.

I our groups- CODA, AA, ACA, NA, OA, Alanon we are practising for this. To conquer disease.

To try and find solutions.

Even if we fail trying- at least we are trying... aww ...

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