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Post Info TOPIC: Step 11, and polyvagal theory....


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Step 11, and polyvagal theory....
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 aww There was a time- when I did a step 11- that i would usually fall asleep- I was so exhausted.

I felt my higher power closely- when I was about 20. When I had a "white flash" sort of spiritual experience.

It lasted two days.

I learned two things from this.

Firstly my troubles did not cease. I still had a lot of hell to go through.

Three things actually...

...the second thing was, after 50 years I found out that I had made it. Not perfect. Still having daily issues-

but finding that I was able to deal with these issues, from day to day.

Not having a backlog of anxiety- that would lead to more trauma.

And the third thing is- on reflection- that "white flash" was an experience of having moral emotions.

Knowing this I knew that I was capable of having normal emotions, and that, over time I could go back these and actually find myself. 

Neuro-ception and dysregulation are terms I am getting used to.

The desire to help and please others was deeply ingrained. If this did not work- as was usual-I went into codependency meltdown.

Seemingly endless defeat.

The new theories are so current that the words in the above paragraph don't appear in spell-check yet!

I suffer from heaps of pain and cold. My pain has shifted from 9/10 to most times 2/10.

My cold sensations can get to 9/10. It fluctuates down to 3/10 sometimes.

But I would rate 10/10 as death.

So 9/10 is really death warmed up.

I have a 100% insider view of polyvagal theory. I practise it 100% on myself.

For a while, as a first aid measure- if someone is deeply anxious- I say try nose breathing, Breathe deeply.

Naive- I stopped that, and go back to me. Nose is step one. Step two is to breathe out longer than breathing in.

To send the body the message that we, mind spirit and body, are in a safe space.

Since we bring the scare, and the anxiety into everything we do.

Disengaging from this is extremely simple- but because of the nature of the toxic situation, it does appear to be extremely complex- and basically impossible.

There have to be deep and high boundaries, here for me- because I am a self help group member, no way anything like a clinician.

It is a completely different setting.

Hopefully what I can do-of it does work, is to demonstrate this fact.

And thereby to encourage people to take their own journey!

That journey can take anyone anywhere. No way it has to go in the direction I am going in.

At the moment I am into fascia.

The layer between the muscles and the skin. And this includes small and obscure muscles, especially around the neck and head.

And this requires very gentle and gradual release of trauma. Pain may appear in one place, but be sourced in another.

Trauma is just so prevalent in the world. Song and dance can be a good healer- a sound back-up to what I am doing...

...anything that motivates us helps- but, for me, at least I go on very gingerly and gently...



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 aww I don't experience this in groups... ...but I did recently when there were only two of us at a meeting.

We have two bathroom in our house- with big wall mirrors.

Sometimes I see myself there- and I look gaunt- with deep hollowed in my cheeks.

Other times my face looks rounded- just slightly chubby- with laughter wrinkles around my eyes.

This might relate to how tired, or stressed I am, at any given time.

Mostly this happens- when I am spending time with a very old friend.

When we have a lively cacth-up for 90 minutes or more. The shape of my friend's face changes.

More tense at the beginning. And then the lines in the face start to fade away. There are laughs and high giggles sometimes.

This works for me equally well on Zoom.

When I re-met my old girlfriend K. I did not move too fast to see her in person. We have pencilled in early November.

But I wanted to hear her voice.We phoned spontaneously- and this worked out really well- plenty of chuckles. Smiles.

But zoom- can be really stark and scary, first time.

Ok so we are catapulted into somebody else's personal space.

Veeeeery powerful...

I used to have a hard job finishing off conversations... part of my journey from lostness and nothingness...

So "weather" was my go-to... and it was a bit artificial for a while...

...but it is almost second nature now. 

For older people health issues can be a good topic.

From the programmes I work I am 100% not going to give advice, especially medical advice.

So it is neutral territory smile ...

...fine day here- early spring... aww ...



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