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Post Info TOPIC: Therapy, or technique?

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Therapy, or technique?


 aww The recovery city I think of most, in the USA, is Rapid City.

ACA was meeting further out at Spearfish, and the closest member i know was at Wisconsin.

Alanon had two groups- one at the AA clubhouse, where the group had it's own room and had a strong Lakota base.

Like what would happen here on Ao-NZ members shared food together after a meeting.

The other group was at the SD School of mines. 

Fast forward to know- we have a local Alanon group- which is 50 mins for me, away. No CODA, As I have said b4.

The group will be cranking up tomorrow evening, hopefully after a period of lockdown.

The USA has lost 703,000 people to covid so far. AoNZ has lost 26. 

Our group is hosting our district business meeting next month. We have already booked the venue.

We have held together through the pandemic, by the skin of our teeth.

Tried to cling to a couple of our MIP groups here.

My outlook and health has improved markedly in recent times. aww 

I am thinking ~technique~ rather than therapy.

In the USA, my impression is [based on the streets of Rapid City]- a therapist on one corner, and an attorney opposite. A bar across the road, and a church opposite. With a crack house up a col-de-sac nearby.

Impressions created for people round the world by Tv and movies, surely!

Melody Beattie, Dr. Schaef Wilson, a Cherokee woman. Pia Mellody was someone I really didn't cotton on to. Her colleague, Dr Claudia Black, someone I still respect highly...

                       ...Rev. John Bradshaw... ...all those therapists and gurus must have had some effect.

Stephen Porges, et al... stuff I have practised on myself- I call technique, not therapy.

On time- when I had break-through I wanted to tell the world- painted it on the walls!

So the CODA code kicks in here- our powerlessness into the face of other people's issues.

And how that turns around- ever so slowly, when we start to apply that power and energy to ourselves. smile ...


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 Later- Wednesday afternoon.


...technician, technical, technique...

My physio... physiotherapist is a really groundbreaking practitioner.

As a counsellor... hmmm... must have been a part of her training.

Dr. Anne Schaef Wilson has stuff to say about practitioners and co-dependency.

As I got into Coda issues I became  a lot more aware of other people's codependent behaviour.

So I could gradually detach from this- and not allow other people's own neediness to overwhelm me.

It IS subtle, and sometimes insidious. aww

Other times it can be as strong as bullying, or gaslighting. blankstare 

But I feel strongly- that is is a part of the journey.

Spending time online with a former girlfriend. There was stuff going on 50 years ago- in relation to my family- that she was aware of.

We have not discussed it didactively. What we did was just have a narrative about our memories.

I became acutely aware of the pivotal influence of my mother- which I haven't discussed. Most likely won't discuss with K.

But the information I have used as a strong step 8 and 9, for myself.

Since we have pencilled in a time to meet- in about one month's time- we have continued to talk together, a fair bit, albeit online.

I reflect back to when our mum got her first whiteware- a wringer washing machine, and a fridge.

Nowadays the new stuff is a laptop, or a cell-phone. 

No less revolutionary and potentially life-changing! aww.

But tete-a-tete I said without "crossing the line" between virtual reality and actual reality- most of what we say will vaporise into the ether.

I learned that be meeting Betty K., John F. And James C. T. when was in the USA last.

Three of the principles within the MIP Groups, at the time.

We have a saying in Maori:- "Tangata ki the tangata, kanohi ki te kanohi." Person to person, and face to face.

Traditionally over here, when people meet for the first time- or on formal occasions they rub noses.

So 'face to face' really means something over here. 

I did history work morning. It is a grey sultry day here again today- so maybe I am dallying here a bit more with this. biggrin


thanks for reading,



Senior Member

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  aww Compared to a f2f group.where there are time constraints... ...if a person chooses to blither on-

then the people are not obliged to log into the share- or even the read the message.

People who are concerned about what people say- or how they say it- have come to the right place here!

CODA would say:- well who's business it it anyway? !!!

I found that by changing a word- an opposite maybe, or a tweak in either direction- this may signal a shift.

By looking at my own recovery technique. A step 11. Meditation... there might be personal change, or even

self help in the wind?

I used to posit solutions for other people a lot. For the while world even.

But I hated myself so much I could not see how this would apply to me.

Last night I attended a meeting at a public hall- in the community I grew up in.

I played a it part in getting out old hall replaced- when the old one was flooded by a hydro-electric dam.

Though I now live in the neighbouring town- I was welcomed over there.

Every year on Anzac Day I plan the memorial service for the fallen soldiers from that area.

I tend to delegate and asked the meeting who they wanted as a speaker for the next memorial service.

They chose an Ex-Vietnam Colonel to speak, someone who has shown a lot of service to the community.

Last year I recruited a young school kid as an ensign to raise and lower the flag.

I chose the local elder and chief to chair the memorial service.

I always like to lead from the ranks- and not directly from the top.

An old farmer called "Bruiser" was the person who got the memorial started a few years ago.

Typical of Anzac humour- he was the most placid person on the world! biggrin

He himself served in Italy and Japan. He was my dad's best friend.

I follow a narrative technique.

I do not slavishly follow a narrow theme or argument.

I actually let my mind wander a fair bit!

I am trying, gently with myself.

It was a big breakthrough when I got my own breathing sorted out.

I felt instantaneously that the world needed to know about this. Old stuff for me.

I knew that it would not work the same for everyone- even though they had the same condition as me.

And I could defer to breathing coaches and specialists anyway! 

All I have to do is to try and demonstrate how well this has worked for me. smile ...


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  aww Not long after... 4 pm Wednesday.

Had a 40 min chat talk with K.  Don't think she strategised at all- with my visiting here in a month.

Later this week she is having a week away from her home. I don't know where or have asked where.

She has much much better boundaries than I realised. Relieved about that one. aww ...

I won't talk about her stuff here, at all. Had a tough run early on- but became a teacher for a few decades.

Raised two fine kids. 

In the initial photo of 1971- that both drew us together- on the reunion page of old friends- I pinned up one from 1964. It shows the poverty and squalor that I lived with- quite graphically.

K. said that she was grateful- to know more about me than she knew back then.

She said that she was ready to listen and to support me- in any way I needed.

That is awesome- and brings tears to my eyes as i wrote this.

A lot of this experience has driven my trauma. Some of it still scares me. Terrifies me.

Some of it I have dealt with.

Maybe some is still there- below the surface? Who knows?

Around that offer I may be able to unpack my experience gently and gradually.

My ears are not painted on any more- I hope!

Right now I am thinking of that horse shoe model. Keeping my being and presence-

on and around the curved apex- of that horse shoe.

Back to me. I am no longer a fly-on the wall kid.

With this chat conversation- we are both talking 19 to the dozen.

Not the old me nodding sagely and taking it all in. I am as much involved in the conversation as she is.

That frightened me for a start. Like-that I was overstepping my bounds.

But it worked out really fine. That is a fear zone that I can get into and feel whole and confident... aww 

Part of my journey is about creating theory.

I looked at a horse shoe model. Fundamentalism on one heel, and radicalism on the other.

[Actually I have always believed that both words actually meant much the same thing!]

So I wondered what might be at the curved bottom part of the shoe.

The word I out there was -essence- or essential. 

"Essentialism" would actually fit the other two.

Base. Basic... 

In the USA people like to define words a fair bit. This may have something with the teaching methods adopted over there. Americans like to "nail it"!

[Just my opinion!]

In NZ we have both British dictionaries, and also American.

Many words are the same, but with others, definitions differ somewhat.

So if people went to get down to tin tacks- it sometimes pays to take time to explain what we mean.

Good conversation :)

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