Sometimes, our life and history may be so full of pain that we think it totally unfair that we have to grow up now and be financially responsible for ourselves.
The feeling is understandable; the attitude is not healthy. Many people in recovery may believe that certain people in particular, and life in general, owes them a living after what they've been through.
To feel good about ourselves, to find the emotional peace and freedom we're seeking in recovery, we need healthy boundaries about money - what we give to others, and what we allow ourselves to receive from others.
Do we feel that others owe us money because we cannot take care of ourselves? Do we believe others owe us because we do not have as much money as they do? Do we consciously or subconsciously believe that they "owe" us money because of emotional pain we suffered as a result of our relationship with them or another person?
Punitive damages are awarded in court, but not in recovery.
Unhealthy boundaries about what we allow ourselves to receive from others will not lead to healthy relationships with others or ourselves.
Test by looking within. The key is our attitude. The issue is boundaries about receiving money. Become willing to meet the challenge of taking responsibility for yourself.
Today, I will strive for clear, healthy boundaries about receiving money from others. As part of my recovery, I will take a hard look at my financial history and examine whether I have taken money that may not reflect good boundaries. If I uncover some incidents that reflect less than an attitude of healthy self-responsibility, I will become willing to make amends and develop a reasonable plan to do that.
Oh My, this is timely, I had this conversation today with a good friend who was offered a job in China, he gave away all his belongings, packed the rest, put them in storage, ended the lease on his home, had his suitcases packed, was ready to go to the airport and the job fell through (after the contracts were signed) in an escape clause the "firm" had put in small type, if X, Y, and Z don't happen they have the right to terminate the contract, so he's SOL
Anyway, he's 25 years sober, good awareness, good program, and he has given this over to God, but he felt he could take it out and chew on it at night if he felt like having a sleepness night, and the "loophole" his brain used was "he was owed" by these people
made for an interesting conversation, as I had something similar happen a few years ago, lost everything not by blowing it with my own actions, like when I was introduced to recovery, but from placing myself in the capricious hands of another, someone who I -thought- I could trust (you can trust your own mother...right? RIGHT???)
No
Anyhow, we were laughing pretty hard about the slippery slope of "The World owes me a living" and how easy it was to slip into that place when feeling "wronged"
The truth of the matter is the world owes me nothing, and I should be grateful for what I do have, because I have a LOT of good things in my life, outside AND inside, including my health, and be grateful for the things I -DON'T- have, like Cancer, leprosy, etc, because bad things do happen to good people, and good things happen to bad people, it rains on the just and unjust alike
I am still trying to get caught up on some of the debts I incurred with losing everything a few years ago, and it's slow, 2 steps forward, 1 step back, I'm maybe 2500 from being free and clear, compared to about 8k a few years ago, I pay for awhile, life intervenes, I pay for life, just started paying again, soon enough it will be all past me, /shrug
I do strive for Tradition 7, and when I forgot that, it placed me in a position to be pretty badly hurt, because I placed myself in someone else's power, and I have had to relearn that lesson again and again, it never ends well
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Sterling share, Lin, thank you. My heart goes out for your friend & I feel excited for him too for brilliant new beginnings even if it doesn't feel like that right now. I believe Step 3 takes care of us here. Also, your stuff xx I just love hearing your stories & your recovery. You are beautiful, you know. I can say that because I consider myself a friend & sister to you & I love to learn from you & watch you grow. Everything you receive in this world you return tenfold to others & I trust you for that. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, Baba. I see your heart & tenderness inside that. Love & fellowship, lilmzxx
