I used to spend so much time reacting and responding to everyone else that my life had no direction. Other people's lives, problems, and wants set the course for my life. Once I realized it was okay for me to think about and identify what I wanted, remarkable things began to take place in my life. —Anonymous
We each have a life to live, one that has purpose and meaning. We can help our Higher Power give direction and purpose to our life by setting goals.
We can set goals annually, monthly, or daily in times of crisis. Goals create direction and pace; goals help us achieve a manageable life that is directed in the course we choose for ourselves.
We can help give our lives direction by setting goals.
Today, I will pay attention to setting a course of action for my life, rather than letting others control my life and affairs.
I have absolutely NO idea of how to set goals or what one might even be. When I was in college for nursing, the goals were really set for us. And talk about being codependent! I didn't even want to be a nurse but my husband at the time wanted a nurse for a wife. From as far back as I can remember I wanted to do something in archaeological research but I wasn't allowed to by my parents. It was the age of get married and have kids. I can set goals for others but am clueless about what I want. This is probably a good place to start. I don't really want to do anything special but I don't want to spend the years I might have left sleeping all the time or just sitting and crocheting either. I started with a goal of becoming a death investigator several years ago and earned one forensic nursing cert. and started on a 2nd when I lost fuel. It seemed like where I wanted to go wasn't as possible as I thought it would be. I'd still like to be a certified death investigator and even finish my BSN but people keep pointing out my age and what am I gonna do with all this when I finish if no one will hire me. Plus why would I want to encumber myself with a student loan at my age. I was inspired by a 72 yo lady I ran into at a carry out place who was starting work on her law degree. But when people push me down it is so hard for me to keep going toward my goal. I've spent my entire life living for other people, taking care of others and depending upon their opinions as guidelines for my life to please them and getting nothing in return but abandonment because I didn't have a life of my own. Get a life is what I heard a lot. So I guess it starts with finding direction. Thanks for giving me something to think about.
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"Life doesn't come with a remote, you have to get up and change it yourself!"~~Tyler Perry
Welcome to MIP, Leandra. Thank you for your share. Attending CoDA meetings helped me get specific as to my own codependent needs & behaviours. All can still be steeped in the self-centred fear of my alcoholism except now I am sober & I do the best I can to my willingness & want to live a fulfilling life being true to myself & loving of others without the crippling kind of self-sacrifice. I hear, give & love to others without abandoning myself. It is a wonderful place to live like this in a knowing & getting better at God's will for me. I can make mistakes & keep learning. What a gift. I can be myself today. Everyone else is taken! Keep coming back. Ever new beginnings :) lilmzx
As a codependent, I resist planning anything when it comes to personal matters. This past summer is a good example. i spent a week off for a vacation on an impulse. I know I needed time off and was getting stressed in every way. Instead of planning a good week off, I just logged online bought a ticket and off i went. I read someplace that codependents go places and do things without planning. Fits me perfectly. I'm learning though. I'm thinking now of planning for my next holiday--in a couple of weeks. Well its progress.
One of the things I am learning is to not look at some of the traits I read in my behaviors as bad. Does what I do hurt myself or others? And the "others" is very subjective. Some folks in my life chose to be hurt by my behaviors and I have no control over that. They can not accept how I am and let themselves be hurt. Like I was discussing in my previous post. I am an introvert. Just the way it is. With most people in my life I don't want to talk to them everyday ... I don't have anything to say. My intimate relationships, once a day is really a lot and I am willing to do that. 3-5 or more times a day and I just fall apart. They have expectations of me to be the way they want me to be and I just can't do that.
Why is being spontaneous bad? Did you blow off all your bills, not tell work, leave your kids home starving and without a parent, take off and not tell your partner you were going? Just buying a ticket and going sound EXCITING and wonderful. What an adventure! And if it didn't hurt YOU first and foremost - you didn't ignore your responsibilities - and you didn't purposefully hurt someone else .... WHO CARES? Caring for others shows up on the Codependent list too .... I believe it is at the top of the list. Doesn't mean caring for others is bad. It is when you care TOO much. You try to control them or let them control you. Any single thing in life can be done too much and become detrimental to ourselves. It is about finding balance.
Planning vacations is good too but I try to prevent myself now from tying myself into a pretzel to NOT be something someone or some program has deemed as "bad". So glad you have an upcoming vacation! Have a blast and don't worry too much about following the rules .
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Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ~St. Francis of Assisi
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