This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou 'canst not then be false to any man. —William Shakespeare
To thine own self be true. A grounding statement for those of us who get caught up in the storm of needs and feelings of others.
Listen to the self. What do we need? Are those needs getting met? What do we feel? What do we need to do to take care of our feelings? What are our feelings telling us about ourselves and the direction we need to go?
What do we want to do or say? What are our instincts telling us? Trust them - even if they don't make sense or meet other people's rules and expectations.
Sometimes, the demands of other people and our confused expectations of ourselves - the messages about our responsibilities toward others - can create a tremendous, complicated mess.
We can even convince ourselves that people pleasing, going against our nature and not being honest, is the kind, honest thing to do!
Not true. Simplify. Back to basics. Let go of the confusion. By honoring and respecting ourselves, we will be true to those around us, even if we displease them momentarily.
To thine own self be true. Simple words describing a powerful task that can put us back on track.
Today, I will honor, cherish, and love myself. When confused about what to do, I will be true to myself. I will break free of the hold others, and their expectations, have on me.
I can certainly understand where you are coming from. Although I do have depression & maybe CF & FM, I feel like you. If I let go of all the people and things I am trying to control on a good day then it's like MY life ceases to exist. I don't know who I am or what I want to do from now on. Now I'm 60 and maybe you are/are not younger but after almost 60 years or people pleasing, hypervigilence and trying to control everything it seems a little late to be trying to find "me".
My mother, who hated me, died in Jan. and in spite of our "love-hate" relationship, and I say that laughingly, I am lost without her. I need her daily dose of nastiness to get through life. That was one thing I could always count on. So for the last 9 mos. I've been crocheting my fingers to the bone so as not to think about her and fighting with my sister (a carbon copy of my mother) over the fact that I've been told nothing except that I was left nothing. It was 24 hrs. before I even knew she had died and she was fine at Christmas...well, it was Easter for her but that's ok. So I'd been kicked in the butt in 2006 by my husband's suicide and had to find a new life...now this, but somehow this is harder to recover from I guess because we were more entrenched in a codep. relationship. My house is going to pot, the laundry is piling up, I don't go out but at least I feed my pets. Most of the time I don't even eat.
You are right...where do we go from here...how do we find the new "me?"
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"Life doesn't come with a remote, you have to get up and change it yourself!"~~Tyler Perry
Have I read this right Leandra....are you a CFS sufferer too?
I don't think its ever too late to find me..... I'm learning about myself all the time..... I'm looking at step 4 again at the moment, which is helping me to see where imbalances lie again. I'm very aware how things do change and that I CAn grow as a person. I am 50 and 50 years is also I long time....
With writing about grinding to a halt I have incorperated it into my step 10 and 11. As well as inventory and apology (and I have to remember to aplogise to myself sometimes) I have added achievement.
Grief is a difficult thing whatever the situation. I lost my Dad 5 years ago. I know he loved me, but he wasn't always easy to live with. He could tantrum.... but he was my Dad and all those tantrums haave faded away and what i'm left with are memories of happy times.
My husband grew up in an abusive home. Since he lost his Dad (more that 10 years ago) we have spent time re-visiting palces he went as a child and made new memories.... He still stuggles to visit those places without finding negative thoughts in his head..... but he says he is choosing to not let them live rent free in his head.....
Suicide is an amazingly difficult thing to come to terms with.... I sounds like you need a big hug. I've been trying to work out if that is a codependant thing of compassion..... and I honest feel its compassion. You've had a tough time ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I hope you are having some face to face support for your grief.
I think life CAN start from now though ....one day at a time..... Today is all we have
I'm not sure how to love and cherish myself Leandra, but maybe together we can find out what tools work?
By looking at what I can achieve in my day (and that includes pacing and allowing myself to rest) I can find that feeling that my (one) day has been something worth while to live through.
Are you in the process of being diagnosed or is this condition something you 'think' you might have?
I have just bought myself a pedometer and set it up. I plan to incorperate it into my step 11..... planning my new day, with higher power at the centre of it. Its now 2.30 pm and I have done 86 steps !!! (really not enough.....so I'll go on wii fit in a minute and see how the balance games add to my step number ) Body chemicals work better if the body moves about....so I am planning on logging the number of steps I do in my day....and improving on it....one day at a time.....
I want to know what my maximum is too as a pacing tool, so that I can maybe minimise crashes.....
Maybe this IS self care and therefore a way to love and cherish myself. Its easy to think negatively about myself... negativity is something I CAN change.
I am on quite a strict avoidance diet too because of IBS. and sleep disturbances. Since january I am avoiding dairy, potato, tomato, caffiene, wheat, yeast, sweetners and only have meat once a week (I have fish) I find this hard because its something I can be judge about....and others don't help me keep to it (is it their responsibility?NO)
So I am logging my food as part of my step 10.....again....reveiwing my day, with higher power at the centre of it..... Today I had breakfast (hot oats with soya milk) while it was still morning...... thats an achievement !
I have soups and uncle bens rices in the cupboard for an easy lunch.....but its 3pm now and I haven't had one yet....maybe I'll do that before going on the wii fit....
I might then go and see my daughter ....another achievement....... (my mum I think is jealous of the time I spend with my daughter... but she is 8 months pregnant and now off work....I don't need to feel guilty)
So what achievements can you could in your day... I'd love to hear how you cope with CFS
-- Edited by odaat on Thursday 17th of November 2011 07:03:52 AM
