Hi, I am fascinated by the Recovery Patterns of codependence. I am amazed at how many of them describe my own behaviors. For my contribution to an active forum, I will post a different pattern of codependency every few days. I encourage everyone to share on each topic. Sharing will help us all. Thanks.
Awareness: Recovery Patterns of Codependence (Compliance Pattern)
The CoDA patterns are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation.As we recover from codependency, our thoughts and actions may change.
Feel free to share how your awareness of the patterns is helping you as you recover from codependency.
Codependents often...
Put aside their own interests in order to do what others want.
In Recovery…
consider my interests and feelings when asked to participate in another’s plans.
My Share: In the past, I felt I was being kind and considerate to do what others wanted. Many times i would be greatly inconvenienced to follow the plans others set up. How could I know how this was hurting me? I was being nice & so what if I'm a martyr?
In recovery I am realizing that I can hurt myself by doing everything as someone else wants. -- I am generally not happy doing the activity -- I am often tired and overwhelmed with the active portions of an activity -- I am put out by spending too much time doing an activity I do not love; or spending too much time preparing for an activity whether I'll love it or not.
I've learned to let go of some perfectionism and not to put so much effort into planning the perfect infallible event. Many great memories come from the foul ups of poorly planned events. My events usually go so smoothly, no one remembers how good it was.
I am learning. I am letting go. I am releasing the bonds of perfectionism. I am relaxing my usual ways of martyrdom. Every event, every thing, need not be perfect. I can do some things that I want to do. All I have to do is ask. I have to let my needs and wants be known. I will soon be enjoying my life more. I will be doing more of what I want to do.
