So, my biggest problem as a codependent is the anger I have and how I get triggered to blow up. It's like I go from 0 to 100 in a second! I can't do this to my wife or young kids. I am angry about what has happened with my wife addiction to pain killers and the huge fincial burden and lost trust. It's only been 4 months from the time I found out, to now. She tried to get out patient help for two weeks, it didn't work enough, then relapsed, then went into an in-patient program for a week to get clean, then straight into a 30 day rehab halfway house. Followed up by 3 weeks of additional out-patient help. She is in a MUCH better place and is clean now, but now she and I focus of the aftermath of what has happended.
It's worse now!!!! She still has issues of trust and control. She actually "thought" I was seeing someone else, either physically or emotionally. I mean really? I can't handle the woman I have now! (no offense ladies . She said I was checking my phone too often, had secret accounts. Which I do, this one for this board and for a personal journal with I put my notes. I told her I had them, but refused to tell her the email addresses. I told her to respect my personal space. I think she still thinks I am having an affair. I am soooo NOT!
What can I do to stop myself from blowing up with my anger? Any suggestions or advise? I planing on attending my first Al-alon meeting tonight.
Glad to see you again and very happy you got through the book. I have read it 3 times and am in the midst of doing a bookstudy here on the board if you would like to take part. Chapter 15 is next. It is a wonderful book. Your thoughts would be welcome and may help others.
I have also done the steps through The Codependents Guide to the 12 Steps by the same author and sponsored using it as well and it is fantastic! Al-Anon will have their own conference approved literature for you to use as well, which is wonderful. There is SOOOO much information out there - I have a very large stack of books and I love them all. It has really helped.
My anger has improved immensely since entering recovery. My patience used to be very short in so many areas of my life and it hasn't completely gone away, but it comes up less often and when it does come up I have tools to use to get past it pretty quickly. The only thing I have trouble with is people who are mean and hurtful. I haven't learned how to handle that with grace yet ... luckily I don't have any of those people in my life anymore. If someone purposefully hurts me I usually have hurtful words to return. My goal is to have kindness for everyone but still take care of myself.
The improvements for me came from working the steps. I don't think there is one magic pill, but 12 steps, working on ourselves and trying to change daily. It comes slowly, takes work and the right choices.
Just have patience, do the work, and let the changes come. Don't give up - the miracle is there.
So glad you are here.
Willing
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Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ~St. Francis of Assisi
. She said I was checking my phone too often, had secret accounts. Which I do, this one for this board and for a personal journal with I put my notes. I told her I had them, but refused to tell her the email addresses. I told her to respect my personal space. I think she still thinks I am having an affair. I am soooo NOT!