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Post Info TOPIC: Mr. Sponsorpants - Judging
willing


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Mr. Sponsorpants - Judging
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(I highlighted what stood out for me)

December 10, 2012

 

 

 

EveryoneJudgesPeople

When I was new in AA I tried not to be judgmental and, in my well-intentioned but confused state, wound up trying to believe that everything I heard or saw was "ok."

Perhaps in the most extreme metaphysical sense that is true, but one can hardly go through life without using their critical faculties.

Put another way, it is not judgmental to identify sickness as sickness, or to see spiritual, emotional or physical violence for the brutality that it is.

Trying not to be judgmental is a good and healthy thing to attempt -- but for me the key is to be clear as to what "judgmental" means in the context of my personal recovery or spirituality in general.

Here's where I am with this today:

One simple filter I use is that it is my opinion when I decide that what you are doing is not right for me -- and in this context "opinion" is merely using my critical faculties to make a determination about how I need to be.  Judgement, however, is when I decide that what you are doing is not right for you.

Also (always reserving the right to be wrong in my assessment), identifying sickness is not being judgmental.  It is using the intellect and right-sized instincts God gave us.  Denigrating how someone deals with their illness however... that drifts back towards judgment.

This is more than just a question of dictionary definitions -- I must continue to develop a dynamic understanding of this idea so that I can be of maximum service to people in general and AA's in particular.

And also so that I don't drive myself crazy reaching for a perfect but inaccurate ideal.



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Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.   ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ~St. Francis of Assisi
Leandra


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I love it! Thanks for posting because you have helped me have a clear idea of how to deal with situations. Sometimes I think that I'm in a codependent relationship with the entire world. Everyone I know, when I use your filter which I have recently started to do, seems to push me right into my codep. behavior. I get sucked into helping, listening, worrying, etc. about someone else that won't change and then when I get so overwhelmed I can't function, I judge myself as a failure. After reading posts on this list for probably a year, I have finally gotten some of this through my head! So I'm working on using your filter and waiting for someone who is not codependent to stumble into my life. I thought someone had but I was wrong. A man started calling me multiple times a day for days at a time. He was nice to chat with but we never got to meet. Suddenly he stopped calling so I guess I wasn't going to meet some of his needs. At first I started pounding myself with not being good enough but I have been able to turn that around as his being someone who doesn't enhance my life and I don't feel good with his spotty calls. I found I was obsessing over why no calls, what was he doing, etc. and I had to let that go under the "no control over others" step. I can finally see I have made a baby step. I am constantly judging others as I try to help them and I think I need to give it a break and do more checking on myself.

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"Life doesn't come with a remote, you have to get up and change it yourself!"~~Tyler Perry
willing


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WOOO HOOO Leandra!  I am loving it.  Way to go.

 

Keep going!

 

Willing

 

 



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Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.   ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ~St. Francis of Assisi
FrankJScott


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FrankJScott


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