I am new to this board ,but not to recovery. In the last couple of months a lot of family of origin issues have come up for me in relation to a toxic relationship that went really wrong. I wound up taking steps to sever the relationship, but have also been struggling with feeling abandoned by my HP and feeling like a failure at my recover in general. I have stayed with my regular daily meditaiton and prayers throught this though.
I started writing a fourth step in response to all this garbage a couple of weeks ago, and I notice now that I have a ton of grief coming up as I write. It's really difficult for me trying to deal with these feelings and finish the last 2 months of my university degree (that has taken 22 years to get this far!).
I feel like I am at the end of my rope, and tired of hanging on. I'd really like some help to get me through this, any insight or suggested recovery tools would be great!
Thanks,
Melusine
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"Enlightenment is an accident; but [spiritual] practice makes us accident prone (Baker Roshi)."
Welcome to MIP, Melusine. Well done for keeping to your prayer & meditation.
I don't know what tools you have or where you're up to in your program. I was worried when you mentioned going through a step 4 while in the middle of your studies. Would holding off until you finish your work do any good until you're able to give it your undivided attention? I had to pull back from a few activities so I can concentrate on my studies. Distractions, pain & confusion added to my stress levels & vice versa. I've found that now I'm giving my work the time it needs so that I can get done what I need is helping my self-esteem & productivity. I reached a point where I thought I should defer or give my course up when actually I just needed to give it more time.
Is any of this helpful or relevent? I hear your pain regarding your family issues, can it wait while you concentrate on where you've worked so hard & wanted to reach? I guess I'd say use the step 3 prayer to give your worries to God while you work on what's in front of you. Also, if you do need to some stuff out of your head for release, love & reassurance maybe some chats with a fellowship friend or here would help. I'd hate to see your studies suffering if you can't focus. Of course, keeping a journal of where you're up to & to help with your inventory, daily or otherwise could help. These are just some thoughts from me to relate if they're any good. Feel free to discard if nothing helps or fits from them.
With recovery love & in fellowship support, lilmzx Ps. You've not been abandoned. God is with you right there inside. You will feel this again. Blessings x
I get over whelmed with my responsibilities in life, while trying to work on myself. I am an achiever, I complete my degree while going througha divorce and rehousing two hildren. I have always put such high demends on myself. I have compasion for others but expect so much from myself.
My suggestion is to take it easy try and stay in the day work on one thing at a time. Take time to rest, ensure you are eating well. You are grieveing and at the end of your studies. what would you suggest your best friend should do? I am learning to love and care for me thanks to CODA. Grief the feelings have to be felt I talk to fellowship memebers. This too shall pass and it will all be worth the hard work. I can see today that Hp never left my side I just did not give myself enough time to relax and connect with him.
The one thing I want to add is that for myself, it is difficult to know the skills involved to notice when it is time to let go of something I'm obsessing over. The one fortune I have currently is an aging body sensitive to each stressor ever more each day. Giving an ablity to see better when to slow down because I think every one else is in my way and moving to slow for me. And to let go, let go, let go ~ Let God, Let God, Let God! Apparently in all my family members lives, and my friends too.
They know I'm here and if they want assistance, there'a phone. The reverse is true too. This lets me have time to focus on my own life all the more. The Al-Anon program has many truthful slogans that usually fit each worrisome thought I've conjured up during my thought processing all alone. That is why I made it to a meeting after many years of thinking; life's quirky I can handle it now. I'm so glad I listened once more to a small still voice inside and used the technology of the internet to find a meeting close to me and a time I could handle. And I live rural, real rural.
So I can go for days on end without speaking to another person or hearing one either. I still need to continue to learn when to keep the "zipper" zipped up on one thing in order to focus on another. Be patient with self and once in a while I've learned it's kind of important to utilize the information available through literature on the Seventh Tradition in my private affairs.
Thanks so much for your kind loving support! I think I will do my best to hang on to staying in the moment, not pushing myself too hard - as suggested by these posts.It's not like I will one day be ultimately fixed, LOL!
One thing I find is that this is a new area of growth because I took a big risk to pursue work I loved, giving up the comfort of a financially rewarding, but crazymaking career. Now, I am at the apex of getting to do what I really want, and scared out of my pants! When I was an active codependant, I never gave myself this opportunity or self-respect; all my energy was focused on someone else's needs. At the same time, like recovery, I need to be patient with myself as I develop new skills - they won't happen overnight.
This time seems to be about nurturing myself in spite of what life throws at me, and not judging myself as a failure for grieving, or the recent realtionship breakup I went through. I find that as time goes on in my healing, I am more aware and sensitive to subtler effects of codependency.
For example, I am not dealing with the kinds of physical safety issues or crisis I did as a newbie when I was fresh out of a very abusive relationship. However, I notice really quickly these days when a situation is only mildly harmful and have a corresponding urgency to act on my own behalf. Recently, I had a boss in a contract job where I found myself feeling used. Instead of getting stuck in the situation, I was able to take care of my emotional needs by leaving, seeking healthier work environments. In the past, it would've taken months (or years!) to get out of that kind of relationship due to a false sense of loyalty and over-responsibility, with a lot of effort to undo the resulting harm. Ditto for the relationship I recently left!
I also find my personal recovery practice evolving to a deeper level. Which is a good thing, because I just got a job working in family counselling, and the one thing I know from working with people is it's essential to take care of myself or I'll be triggered en masse!
I too live in a very rural area, and am grateful for the wonders of technology to have access to a site like this.
Peace,
Melusine
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"Enlightenment is an accident; but [spiritual] practice makes us accident prone (Baker Roshi)."
