When I got into recovery my life was a mess. It just kept getting worse and worse no matter how hard I tried to fix my outsides. I thought that was all there was to fix. The harder I tried the deeper the hole I dug for myself.
Recovery introduced the concept that I could change myself. Not my income level. Not my housing. Not my job. Not how hard I worked. My insides. I could learn and grow on the inside and improve my relationships ... all of them. I didn't know this was possible before recovery and when that light went on I grabbed onto the tools with such willingness ... because what I didn't know at the time I didn't even know I didn't know .
I didn't know that life wasn't just something that was dealt to me and "it is what it is." It is NOT what it is, it is what I make it. It is the choices I make and if I chose to approach the world and those in it with love and acceptance, than I find greater peace. If I choose to set boundaries with people who want to hurt because they are hurt, then I don't get hurt as badly. I am also learning that I will continue to make mistakes and that is OK. I can get back up and try again. If I continue to make the same mistakes over and over ... I just need to realize that I must not be done yet. I haven't learned the lessons that are there to learn. When I am done, I will be done.
I am finding it to be a slow process and that is OK. Some behaviors I have changed quickly and some just seem so ingrained that I feel I am trying to move a mountain out of sheer will alone. The awareness of these behaviors alone, even though I may be struggling changing them, offers some peace. Being able to say "Oppps. I did it again." Apologize to myself and those I have offended and try harder next time.
It is a journey and some of the most beautiful flowers bloom late in the season.
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Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ~St. Francis of Assisi
Thank you for sharing your recovery with MIP, willing. I am glad to hear your message of hope & I identify with your post. The steps are the way out of my codependence for me. I am grateful for my ability to now be able to admit my powerlessness & unmanageability regarding others & situations in my life. One of the most miraculous things is that I can change & so become empowered by my faith, hope, belief, action, prayer & Higher Power. I would not be able to function without these now. I would no more do without these principles than I would air. I did not know what I did not know those years ago & I suffered in result. I no longer have to knowingly suffer. I can make a different choice today & that is a miracle too. Thank you for your share. lilmzx
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