Usually those of us who enter a 12 step recovery program are not at our best ... We are beaten down and hurting so badly that we are ready to grab onto anything to make it stop. For years we may have been grabbing onto substances, behaviors, or people to make this pain go away. Suddenly we are given a gift, an opportunity to end the pain but we must be willing to surrender. We must be willing to admit that maybe the problem is ourselves and that by examining who we are and where we are falling down, we can find answers and start healing. For me, this took being brutally honest with myself, letting go of the old stories and admitting the truth. It took letting go of the idea that I have the answers and listening to others and simply doing what they say, don't fight it, just give it a shot with all I have and maybe, just maybe this will work. What have I got to lose? They will refund my misery in full if it does not work.
So I sit down, shut up, and follow instructions. That is it. Then I keep doing the next right thing in front of me, keeping an eye on myself, my motives, my behaviors, and WHY I have done and continue to do some of the harmful things in my life.
I still continue to do some of these harmful things, progress not perfection.
I keep moving forward and never give up.
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Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ~St. Francis of Assisi
This is tough. I have no clue who I am since I've spent years role-playing for others. I don't even know where to begin. Give me a nudge in the right direction, can you?
Leandra
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"Life doesn't come with a remote, you have to get up and change it yourself!"~~Tyler Perry
I had no clue I even had a problem! Luckily someone came into my life and really stirred my pot and made all my codependent behaviors extremely obvious and painful. Then they turned me towards the doors of a 12 step program and told me to walk through them.
And I did.
For me, going to meetings, being of service, finding a sponsor, working the steps ... that was it. Once I walked through those doors, the rest just happened as long as I was willing. Requests for service come and I raised my hand. I saw someone that "had what I wanted", meaning they exhibit behaviors and deal with others in a healthy way that I find attractive - and I ask them to sponsor me. Then I just followed instructions and did what I was told.
That's it. So ... the first step ... find a set of doors to walk through or make a phone call to a 12 step recovery program and see if they can come talk to you. Just become willing and jump.
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Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ~St. Francis of Assisi
