I have been on and off at times since this board started not fully understanding the gravity of being codependent.
It hit me a few weeks ago now, that I let my recovery in Overeaters anon go to the way side. For myself, my program includes eating 3 healthy meals a day and abstaining from foods that my body craves. When I started earlier this year, I had been around 40 days abstinent. We had visitors arrive and the daughter had baked some cupcakes. It seemed they were waiting for me to have one as she made it for us. There went my abstinence. This was after lunch and I'm not meant to eat those foods. It snowballed from there, taking 6 months and myself nearly returning to my original size. Wow!!! Just from one tiny cupcake. I realise now it's a lot more than that. I put these people's feeling before my own health. How could I have done that?
It's been a massive realisation that I ignored myself for the sake of a young girl.
I believe it happens to all of us. That moment when we forget we are powerless over certain things in our lives and we invite them back in thinking we can control it, it will be different. I have done it several times and suffered some pretty big consequences. Becoming aware is the first step to change. We always have something to come back to to help us get back on track.
So glad you are here.
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Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. ~St. Francis of Assisi
I have experienced the gravity of my codependence at different times and been scared by it. I don't always see it when it rears up and it's only after the fact when I look back and take my inventory that I see it for what it is. By that time i've generally taken up some bottom-line behaviours again and hurt msyelf with them, without realising that's what I'm doing. Then I'm in a dark place and wondering why there are no lights on and I'm all alone.
I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost ... I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter 2
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I am in the same place. But it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter 3
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in ... it's a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.
Chapter 4
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.
