Today, I will accept. I will relinquish my need to be in resistance to my environment and myself. I will surrender. I will cultivate contentment and gratitude. I will move forward in joy by accepting where I am today

2^nd draft because I lost my first attempt at a reply…..

I hope you don’t mind me replying in the form of thinking aloud. I’m not trying to tell anyone else how to live or think….

The question I have in my head is……

Where does denial stop and acceptance start?

I always tried to accept what was going on around me and assumed that if things were wrong it was my fault and that my own behaviour was in some way at fault.

I was even told by my mother that the problems with my (alcoholic) marriage were there because I was not being a good enough wife.

Growing up I was the 7^th of 9 kids and thought that the constant criticism and ridicule was normal.

I spent years denying there was anything wrong with other people’s behaviour, so by accepting it now aren’t I just continuing the process of being a door mat?

So what has changed by working this program?

This is what I’m stuck with and need to think about.

Acceptance is the magic that makes our present circumstances good. It brings peace and contentment and opens the door to growth, change, and moving forward

It shines the light of positive energy on all that we have and are. Within the framework of acceptance, we figure out what we need to do to take care of ourselves.

So taking care of myself is not accepting unacceptable behaviour…….but if I don’t recognize it when its happening how can I avoid it?

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

I can’t change other people’s behaviour. I can only look at my own. I can alter my own reactions and behaviours. I can ensure that I do not judge or criticize others but when I find something I find unacceptable I can detach from it physically and emotionally without showing any malice towards the other person. That then leaves me with a choice who I choose to spend my time with.

If I find someone difficult to be around, it’s ok to choose not to be around them.

It’s difficult to choose not to be around a parent. We all have a responsibility to our parents. But if that responsibility hurts me, is it self caring to keep being hurt. I can choose to limit my visits and to choose that my parent will never change. I can accept her for who she is and choose my conversation away from the critical subjects. I can choose to laugh off her digs and let them go over my head.

It’s difficult to choose not to be around my husband. I have tried divorcing him, but he chose sobriety and I chose to understand his differences, anxieties and compulsions. That doesn’t mean I find it easy all the time. So how do I stop myself from commenting on his behaviour.  I have to recognize when MY behaviour needs attention. I also have to be clear about communicating my needs. I know he doesn’t see other people’s needs naturally… There are loving ways to express myself instead of just pointing out his faults. They do say to look at our own inventory and to leave others to deal with their own.

It’s difficult to choose not to be around my children. I love them individually and know that they have their own higher power who will look out for them and guide them…..and that higher power is not me. I can enjoy the time I have with them but if their behaviour is unacceptable I can also enjoy seeing them go to their own homes.

Acceptance empowers the positive and tells God we have surrendered to the Plan. We have mastered today's lesson, and are ready to move on.

So what have I learned?

I don’t have to be a doormat or accept other peoples unacceptable behaviour.

I can recognize when I feel uncomfortable and trust my own feelings, choosing to detach and be somewhere else, physically or emotionally.

Serenity is something I can look for in my day. I can choose not to give that serenity away by taking responsibility for other people’s behaviour. I can accept others for who they are……and look to improve the person I am.

When it is tough to stay focused and find my head full of the needs and behaviours of others…… I can meditate and call on my higher power for strength and help.

Its felt very lonely for me to be self-sufficient…. I’ve spent all my life feeling that my happiness depends on the behaviour of others.

A new way of thinking takes time to get used to. I don’t like being lonely but I can try to enjoy my own behaviour now….and enjoy choosing to be with people because I want to and not because I have to

Progress not perfection

odaat

Acceptance of what is I think for me has been a good place to start.

Accepting the pain in the past hasn't made it go away. It happened.

but if I live by bringing all that pain into my present, the only person I can blame is myself.

Blaming can be a cop out? I try and look for my part and fix that?

Where I find it difficult is when I begin to accept and live my life one day at a time, leave the past in the past and stop projecting my worries of the future..... and then the people who hurt me hurt me again.....!!!!!

Thats when it all floods back with a vengeance.

I suppose then my boundaries have been demolished and I have choices... I can walk away or rebuild.

I found that building my boundaries too high or too firm keeps people out .....but it also traps me within its walls.

My emotions become a fortress instead of a home?

If I know that I am lkely to be hurt or made to feel 'less than', which is a big problem for me, I consider before hand how I'm going to get out of the whole situation.

I detach....into my phone, or my computer, or my car, or just by walking away.

With my husband (which is more difficult because I have to live with him), if I can't talk calmly I write him letters outlining.... with love... how my feelings have been hurt.....because hes not psychic

they say to say it once and then leave the situation alone because he's not deaf (even if he appears to be)

lol

This is really interesting going through these issues in a new way. Thank you for being here

odaat