Feeling angry - and, sometimes, the act of blaming - is a natural and necessary part of accepting loss and change - of grieving. We can allow ourselves and others to become angry as we move from denial toward acceptance.
As we come to terms with loss and change, we may blame our higher Power, others, or ourselves. The person may be connected to the loss, or he or she may be an innocent bystander. We may hear ourselves say: "If only he would have done that... If I wouldn't have done that... Why didn't God do it differently?"... We know that blame doesn't help. In recovery, the watchwords are self-responsibility and personal accountability, not blame. Ultimately, surrender and self-responsibility are the only concepts that can move us forward, but to get there we may need to allow ourselves to feel angry and to occasionally indulge in some blaming.
It is helpful, in dealing with others, to remember that they, too, may need to go through their angry stage to achieve acceptance. To not allow others, or ourselves, to go through anger and blame may slow down the grief process.
Trust the grief process and ourselves. We won't stay angry forever. But we may need to get mad for a while as we search over what could have been, to finally accept what is.
God, help me learn to accept my own and others' anger as a normal part of achieving acceptance and peace. Within that framework, help me strive for personal accountability.
Wow This is something I really need to hear right now.
I have been working through some difficult emotions recently and placed all those emotions squarely on my alcoholic husbands shoulders....after all he's the one who is either working his program or a dry drunk.....Life is all about him....
Except this time it wasn't. It was about me working my program and accepting my feelings of anger, fear and loss around my daughter and her situation. She is looking after her pregnancy and her baby and I was feeling very threatened that I wouldn't be allowed to....and wouldn't be about to cope with..... dealing with mine.... I needed to find a way to feel my feelings and to continue being a good supported Mum and still protect myself from my massive projections and fears......
It was also about finding out just how many things I am trying to hide behind in order to maintain the denial of my own insanity.
I'm still working on it
Trusting the grief process is an interesting concept in itself. Turning this grief over to My Higher Power is something I can only do if I'm aware of it....
So thank you for allowing me to discover it here.....
Since trying to work all this through all people involved are getting on much better and my ME symptoms are beginning slowly to improve.
That is definately the power of the program in action for me x
